All Bow, The King Is Here!

As I sit out here on my lanai, I survey all that is my life. What have I accomplished, how have I treated not only those around me but strangers as well? I do know one thing that I do have that no one can ever take away. Something that I know I will carry with me to my death and never be ashamed of. I am the master of things that mean nothing. The consummate professional of that which has no real meaning. Yes, I am the King of all that is nothing

My Kingdom exists only in my head. It can only be seen in glimpses when a meaningless question comes my way, but don’t expect a good view, for as soon as the answer comes out the Kingdom goes back to its safe place waiting for its next inquirer or bit of useless info that the guards can come out and snatch before it goes away. I know more about nothing than anyone I’ve ever met. Friends and relatives often call or write me with questions about inane things that no one would care about because they know I’ll have the answer. This is my playing field and nobody can play on it better than I.

I don’t know how I developed this knack for knowing all there is to know about nothing, just a gift I guess. I’ve always been interested in current events and odd stories of all kinds but so are millions of others. There's obviously something that makes nothing stick in my head. I hear something major and I’ll remember just the basic gist of it but tell me something trivial and the date, time and every other detail about it sticks like glue. Why? Am I just that smart? I don’t think so. I think like all Monarchies this must be an inherited title. I’m sure there had to have been someone in past generations that bequeathed this Kingdom to me. I don’t recall any family wars or coups or anything like that so it must have been handed down. I’m a kind, benevolent Monarch, willing to share this gift with the world, nothing to fear here. Just don’t ask anything that may have meaning. Because, like I said, I am the King of all that is nothing.