It's getting Better All The Time

I’m in the new place and have started the new job. I won’t have furniture for another week which means I’m sleeping on the floor. The conditions I’m finding myself in right now remind me a great deal of the three years I spent living in Las Vegas in the mid 80’s. In the entire time I lived there I never had a bed and slept on the floor the whole time. I’ll grant you, things are a bit different for me than they were back then. Mid 20’s compared to late 40’s being the least of the differences.

When I first went to Vegas I had literally broken down completely. There wasn’t one thing in my life that I didn’t despise and would have welcomed being hit by a truck while walking across the street. I had just been through the one and only heartbreak I’ve allowed myself to suffer through and was truly confused about the what, where’s, how’s and why’s of life. Obviously four things I still haven’t come close to figuring out. I had a job and I had the sports book at the Palace Station Casino and, truth be told, I don’t think it would have been possible to handle anything else. I got rid of my car and rode a bicycle wherever I needed to go. If family came to town and wanted to meet at a Casino for dinner, I rode my bike and used the valet parking for it. It was kind of cool.

I got my first Walkman while living there and got heavily into the band REM and would listen to the tape of “Fables Of The Reconstruction” pretty much every day. I made a few friends while there, knowing that these were people I’d never see again if and when given the opportunity. At the time, people that lived there did little else but gamble and drink and I pretty much don’t drink. I did and still do like to gamble but I’ve always been pretty good at stopping when it becomes too much. I did have a roommate, someone I met at work, but he stole a good amount of money from me, quit his job and was never heard from again. That’s a pretty good example of the kind of people that populated the city back then.

The one good feeling I did have living there was the belief that things were gonna start looking up. Besides sleeping on the floor that’s the only other thing that’s the same as my life back then. I’ve made this huge, and I can’t stress how huge, decision to move down to the Detroit area instead of moving to Florida and yeah, it’s only been a week but I think it’ll be ok. I know I’ll have my down days and times when I’d rather be anywhere but living the life I’m living. There is, however, this feeling, this knowing that it’s going to be all right. I’ve still got the itch to leave, it hasn’t gotten any weaker since I decided to stay, but I’ve got a lot more holding me here than I’ve ever had anywhere else. More friends than I ever dreamed of. Yeah, it is getting better all the time. Thanks guys.

I Think He's Done This Before

What a great concert. I went down to the show with a couple friends, neither of whom knew anything about Todd Rundgren except for a song or two they’ve heard on the radio. We got to the “fair” about an hour or so before he was set to start so we walked around a bit and I bought some unidentifiable potato dish that most certainly will never pass my lips again and we went into the area of the show and looked for some good seats. We were fortunate to find three in the ninth row and we sat down and waited for the music to start.

Being an outdoor event, we could see the bus that the band was in behind the stage. Once they started coming out and up the stairs to the stage the long time Rundgren fans started going crazy. There are a few different types of people that attend these kinds of shows. Those that know nothing about the artist, those that know a hit or two and then there are the real fans. The “real” Todd Rundgren fans were quite obvious in the crowd. As he entered from the stairs in the back of the stage the adulation was comparable to a teeny -bopper show from the early 70’s. I get that, I really do. This guy’s music has done and meant so much to me since the first time I heard him in that friend that I spoke of in my previous post’s living room so many years ago. I too felt that little rush of emotion as the band strapped on their guitars. The anticipation of what the first song would be was a palpable feeling throughout the crowd.

There was also a pleasant surprise in the makeup of the band. I mentioned in a previous post of three bands that I would easily go out of my way to see live. One being Rundgren and one of the others is “The Tubes”. Todd and “The Tubes” have worked together in the past as he’s produced a couple albums with them. Well, their drummer also tours with Rundgren and a nice little roar emerged from the crowd as he took his place behind the drum set. Kasim Sultan, a multi instrumentalist that has been in most incarnations of Rundgren’s bands throughout his history, was also present. It’s always nice to see familiar faces.

The set itself was really well put together. He opened with a song from his band Utopia in the 70’s, “Love In Action” and preceded to throw out four or five songs that were familiar to most of the crowd. He played one song from his late 60’s band, “The Nazz” and then went into a very “poppy” version of “I Saw The Light” that everyone knew. So far, so good. He had us all right where he wanted us. He took a little break to talk to the crowd and tell us about an album he released about a year ago and said they were going to play some songs from that. He played a few songs that, to say the least, were a bit on the eclectic side of the scale and he knew it and after three or four of them told us he was now going to play something “a little easier on the palette”. He then played a song, also from the new album that could have come right out of the bubble gum craze of the early 70’s. I turned to one of my friends as we watched the entire crowd tapping their feet and bobbing their heads and said, “ Man, this guys a real pop star”. He readily agreed as we both laughed.

They played a number of other songs known by those that have followed his long career and went off stage before the obligatory encore. They came back on and played one of my faves, “Couldn’t I Just Tell You” and the crowd absolutely loved it. A real rocker with those pop tendencies I so adore. He closed the show with the song, “Just One Victory”. Another oldie but goodie that the crowd ate up as if they hadn’t been fed in years. No, he didn’t play the biggest hit of his career, “Hello It’s Me” but ya know something? It wouldn’t have fit. This was a rock n roll show put on by Todd’s incarnation of a rock n roll band. You know what else? This was a really good rock n roll show.

Pop Music On A Holiday Weekend

Fourth of July weekend and except for the year I worked for my sister it’s the first time I’ve got the three day weekend off. Retail does that to people. I’m sort of at a loss at what to do. I need to work on getting more of my stuff down to the new condo but can’t procure a truck this weekend. Well, I probably could but who in their right mind would want to help move furniture at this time. So, I’ll make a few trips down with my car loaded to the gill. I’ll make sure to take down a couple pillows and blankets and I may even sleep there, on the floor, tonight. I’ll bring Lucky down too so Ryan won’t have to get her out and make sure she’s got water and stuff like that.

I am a tad on the excited side this morning. They have this gig down in Detroit each year called Citifest or something like that and there’s live music and food and stuff. I think that’s the technical term, stuff. Anyway, I’m really pretty much over the rainbow about going tonight, See, there are three musical acts I’ve followed for years and pretty much drive wherever I have to, within reason, to see them. The Tubes, Barenaked Ladies and Todd Rundgren. Well, Rundgren is one of the acts on the bill tonight and guess where I’ll be this evening at 9:00.

I was introduced to Todd at around the age of 12. Tina, a friend of a friend back then was a huge fan and she would always be at this friend’s house and would be playing his “Something Anything” album. It’s the album with the song everybody and their mother knows, “Hello It’s Me”. Being the sap for love songs that I’ve always been and as stated numerous times on this blog, a major pop music fan, this album fit right up my alley. I don’t know if Tina would admit it but she was a big pop fan too. The other songs we were listening to at her behest were, “ Go All The Way” and “ I Wanna Be With You” by the Raspberries, “Roll Away The Stone”, and “The Golden Age Of Rock N Roll” by Mott The Hoople and the Sgt. Pepper album. All still music that satisfies my pop cravings on a regular basis.

People are regularly surprised when they see what’s on my ipod or cd’s that I have. Nobody would think I would have songs by “The Cure” for instance. Have you ever heard their songs “Friday I’m In Love” or “Just Like Heaven”? Pop at it’s finest. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t quite get most of the stuff they put out but those two songs, well, they simply do it for me. I’m looking at my playlist that I have hooked up to my blog and see so many examples of what I’m talking about. Mostly songs that tell a story and allow you to tap your toe to at the same time. Now, turn that into a love song and I’m like Homer Simpson when he sees a can of Duff beer

That’s what attracts me to Rundgren’s music. He’s a master of pop and can bring tears to the eyes of the most stoic of people while making them tap their feet to the tune. It really surprises me that he hasn’t had more hits than he has. The album I spoke of at the top is just loaded with pop ditties and whenever anyone I know hears them they like the songs. When asked if they have the album the answer is invariably no. With the ability to download songs instead of whole albums I think many are doing that when they hear the songs.

A few suggestions, besides, “Hello It’s Me”: “I Saw The Light”, “It Wouldn’t Have Made Any Difference” and “Couldn’t I Just Tell You”. All three are from the “Something Anything” album. I can promise you, if you are a pop fan at all, you’ll thank me for the suggestions.

So, I’ll start packing the car up in a few, leave some room for my best gal Lucky and head down to the metro area. If you happen to be in the area tonight, head on down to the show. You may even see me. You’ll know it’s me when you see the light in my eyes.

We All Feel This One

I was eight years old when the Jackson 5 released their first album “Diana Ross Presents The Jackson Five”. The single, “I Want You Back” became their first number one hit. I first saw Michael Jackson when they were on American Bandstand when I was nine. I remember it like it was yesterday. Mom, Steve, David and I watched them perform the song “ABC”. We were enthralled with this little kid singing. He was my age or at least he looked it, he was one of us. Today I know he was actually 12 but even that, when you think about it is incredible. Mom went out that day and got the “ABC” album and it became the soundtrack of our home. It was played so often I think we wore the needle out. It was the only music we listened to for what seemed like ages. We only stopped listening to it when Mom brought home “The Third Album”.

This was amazing. It had this song that was so different than anything they’d sung before. It was so slow. When first hearing it David and I weren’t sure if it was the same group. The song became their biggest single. It was “I’ll Be There” and to this day it’s considered a great song by anyone worth there salt. By the way, this “Third Album” was released in 1970. Let’s review. Their first album was released in December of 1969 and less than one year later they had already released two more. There first four singles, “I Want You Back”, “The Love You Save”, “ABC” and “I’ll Be There” all went to number one on not only the soul charts but the pop charts too. I’m too lazy to look it up but I don’t even think “The Beatles” can say that.

The beauty of these guys, at least for those of us in the Detroit area, was that they were a Motown band. They were ours. To this day I think that when someone from the area hears any of the old Motown bands they feel a special kinship to it. This was our town and dammit, these were our boys. Listening to any of the Motown music from back then still brings many of us to a better time in our lives. We were kids without a care in the world and this was the soundtrack to that carefree time.

As I, and they, got older I no longer listened to them. I moved away from the “Bubble Gum Soul” they used to play and so did they. Michael Jackson became the biggest entertainer any of us have ever heard. I was never a big fan of his solo stuff. That’s not to say I didn’t appreciate it, it just wasn’t my cup of tea. I would still stop and remember my youth whenever I heard any of the old songs and it always made me feel warm and safe.

Michael Jackson died the other day. This was big. Hell, bigger than big, this was huge for many, many reasons. First off because he was the self proclaimed “King Of Pop”. He wasn’t lying. I can’t imagine anyone in any corner of the world that doesn’t know who he is. I was watching all the news reports and would just marvel at the reaction of people everywhere. As Elvis belonged to the fifties and The Beatles belonged to the seventies, Michael belonged to everything after. He was the Elvis of today. He was the Beatles of today. Even with all the controversy surrounding him he was still the biggest star any of us has ever seen. I’m not going to go in to who was more popular of the three but I do believe this. If it weren’t for Elvis there would have been no Beatles. If there were no Beatles there would have been no Michael Jackson. All had their place and we all need to appreciate that.

I have been listening to the older hits for the last couple of days and it’s so bittersweet. I still feel the warmth and security of my youth but something has changed. I know I’ve talked about this so many times before but I think this is something that we can all relate to. That child inside has taken another hit and it feels a little different than the other ones we’ve all had to deal with. This seems more defining. I think it’s because it’s not just me that got older the other day. I think all of us did. This wasn’t a case of me, or someone I knew going through some private grief that slapped that child around. We all lost something here. This is the whole world that just aged a bit. In a way it’s a little more comfortable than if it was just me. It’s better that we grieve together; it helps to know that you’re not alone.

I Can't Even Fathom The Thought

I spent Friday and Saturday down in the Detroit area this week for a number of different reasons. While down there I got some news that I’m having a real hard time wrapping my arms around. Two people from my high school got married and had kids. The woman was from my class and her husband, from a class two years prior. Anyway I got word that their son died, he was 17.

I don’t know the details of the how’s and why’s and honestly, what’s the difference? I also haven’t even spoken to either of these people in decades and again, what’s it matter? What matters is that a family is burying their son today. The very thought actually gets me all choked up and I’ve already had to stop writing a few times just to compose myself. Yeah, I’m normally a pretty sensitive guy but this, this has occupied my thoughts since the minute I heard about it.

We’ve all suffered loss. We’ve all probably lost grandparents, many have lost parents, sadly enough I’ve even written about some of us that have lost siblings or spouses. All of these losses are horrible. The loss of a child though, well, I don’t even know where to go with the very concept. You want to talk about rules of nature? Well, the most basic has been shattered beyond recognition in this case.

I have always talked and written about this child inside all of us. How life itself chips away at this child trying to force us to lose that inner being. I’ve usually been able to reconcile, within myself, the idea of somehow preserving that youthful being inside all of us. This time though, wow, I’m not sure I’d even want to. How does a Father wake up any day, let alone Fathers Day, and bury his son? How does a Mother, who at least to me, has the strongest connection possible with their children, wake up at all?

I’ve talked to a number of people about this in the last couple days and the common response is that they just do. You go on for the other kids, for your spouse, or just go on autopilot. I just can’t even see how that’s possible. I marvel at the strength of those that have that ability. I’m feeling actual pain at the thought of what these parents are going through today and I don’t know how I’d be able to deal with it if it was any closer to me than it is.

I know I’ll be thinking about this one for a long time. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not much into the faith thing but those of you that are, well, go ahead and pray for these two. Those that aren’t I know will be thinking of these guys too. I will make a suggestion to all of you though: If your kids are home, go give them a hug. If they’re away, call them and tell them you love them. I can’t even imagine, in my wildest dreams, what these folks are going through.

Hangin' With The Big Kids

Down in the Detroit area this afternoon for a little dinner gig with me and around 30 of my best friends. Actually, I look at the confirmed guest list and I can honestly tell you I remember meeting at some point in my life exactly four of them. I can safely say that most if not all of these folks went to the same high school as I but they were all from one to three years older than me.

This is yet another testament to the power of the Internet, and more precisely, the social networking site Facebook.com. The evening was set up by one of the few people I actually knew as a kid. Actually knew who she was, not really knew her. She planned this because a friend of hers from high school was coming to town and this way all these friends could get together and see her at one time while she was here. How do I fit into this? That’s where Facebook comes into play.

I’ve become Facebook friends with a number of these people and because I have an ability to comment on things I see someone write that makes people laugh sometimes, I’ve actually become rather popular on the site. The only way any of these folks see what a mess I am is from my writing. I like to say I give good Internet and these guys seem to agree. Pretty cool. It really is a nice boost to the ego having all these people know and actually want to socialize with me online on a daily basis.

Something about this that really has made me feel wonderful is getting the invite at all. The woman who set this up sent invitations to 27 people. Of the 27 all except two, myself included, were from the same class. I along with one other girl are from a class two years behind them. The person that’s also from my year was once married to one of the invitees so she socialized with a number of these people at some point in her life. What it comes down to is the only reason I’m invited is because of Facebook. It’s actually rather flattering. I get to hang out with the older kids tonight.

Let's Try Something New

So I got the call from the company in Detroit today. I was told that I passed whatever background checks they needed and she will call me tomorrow with the money details and we’ll talk about a start date. It was quite a relief to finally get some semblance of structure in my life right now. I’ve been floating around a veritable whirlpool of emotions the last couple of weeks and it’s nice to come to a stop, at least temporarily.

I’ve spoken before about how different it is for me to want to stay in the Detroit area. I’ve spoken to a few people today about how difficult it is for me not to move away. I’ve been doing this moving away thing for years. Save the years I was married I have moved, literally, every two years since 1980. No special reason, just ridiculously restless I guess. Even while married I would always talk to Shelly about moving the family away from where we were. It’s never really mattered where I was or where I was going, I just had to go. My therapist (I think that’s what I should call her) asked me why I thought I had to go.

I told her that it wasn’t so much the destination that made me want to leave, nor was it the place I was leaving from. I said it was more the verb of moving rather than the noun of the destination. Like I’ve said before, it’s the squeeze more than the juice that makes me go. That’s one of the many reasons this has been such a tough time for me. I feel like I almost need to get in the car and just drive. I’ve gotten this way so many times over the years it’s almost like an expectation. I just get this itch that needs to be scratched.

This time it seems like I’m going to try to relieve the itch by putting some cortisone on it if you know what I mean. I’m trying to just plain make the itch go away without using the typical medicine I’ve given it over the years. I feel like I need to make this work. You have no idea of the fears I have running around my brain right now about all of this. I hope I have the strength to see it through

The reasons for staying are quite confusing for me too. Of course family is here and I don’t want to downplay that in any sense. The main reason, and I’ve stated it before, are all these friends I’ve regained in the last six months. Let me try to lay it out as best I can

Since moving to California in 1980 I’ve kept in constant contact with about three people. The rest of these folks are the ones that baffle me. Here’s a group of people that I’ve shown no loyalty to over the years and, as I’ve stated before, for some reason they want me around. It’s kind of daunting in a way. I mean, what have I ever done to deserve this, I don’t know, warmth from these people. Whatever it is I’m certainly not complaining. I just figure they’re just as nuts as I am. Why else would they think I’m this person they think I am.

Staying has now become something I feel I need to do. The right thing to do. I just feel I have to see this through, see if what they and I are feeling is real. Yes I’m showing my chick side again but there’s a love here that I’ve never felt both for and from others. It’s pretty special and I just want to hold on to it for as long as I can. Of course I can’t help but feel that they’ll all somehow come to their senses and see me for the fool I’ve always thought of myself but who knows? Maybe, dare I say it, I’m wrong? I hope you know what I mean when I say this next thing. Springsteen’s song “Born To Run” has a line in it that kinda says what I’m feeling. “I wanna know if love is wild, I wanna know if love is real”. Like I said earlier, I’ve never felt this kind of warmth from anyone other than family in my life and I kinda like it.

For you guys that have encouraged me to stay I thank you but also warn you. Be careful what you wish for, it may just come true.