It's All About The Boredom

nacho–noun, plural -chos. Mexican Cookery.
[Origin: 1965–70; < MexSp; ulterior

a snack or appetizer consisting of a small piece of tortilla topped with cheese, hot peppers, etc., and broiled.

I got up at 4:00 in the morning the other day to drive down to Detroit Metro to pick up my nephew who came in for his sisters wedding. Hell of a drive for someone but I figure, what the hell, I’m not doing anything anyways. It’s about an hour and a half from here but it’s one of those things that needed to get done for the wedding.

I left the house and drove up to the local “Speedway” gas station to get some coffee. I went in and while I was pouring my joe I noticed this big rack of chips in little black plastic dishes. Along with the rack was a sign that said “Nachos .99”. Next to that sign was an even bigger sign that said “Free Cheese and Chili”. This seemed odd to me. I mean, aren’t nachos, by definition, oh wait, read the definition above.

Well, I couldn’t let something like this go unchecked. I had to ask the guy behind the counter about this confusing conundrum. I mean, were the chips .99 or were they cheaper? How about the chili and cheese? Where do they fall into this equation and how much could I get away with while trying to make this clerks head explode?

So I fixed up my coffee and went to pay for it. I asked the guy how much the chips were and he told me .99. I asked how much nachos were. He said the same. I asked how much chili and cheese costs. He said they were free. I asked where the bowls were. That’s where I got him. He said they didn’t have bowls. I asked him how I was supposed to get some chili and cheese without a bowl?

He was stumped. All he needed to say was that the chili and cheese were for the chips and I would have been on my way. He truly was baffled about what to do next. Here was some guy asking questions about some free chili at 4:30 in the morning and he just had a look on his face that was pleading with me to leave. I was feeling a little feisty and just couldn’t let him off the hook that easily.

I just couldn’t help myself. I don’t know what it was but as soon as I saw the two signs something struck me. I know I shouldn’t have picked on the guy behind the counter but it made me laugh just thinking about the possibilities. I think the reaction I was expecting when I brought the whole subject up was for him to just laugh and get the joke. He didn’t and that made me want to see how far it could go.

I decided to ask if I could just take a coffee cup and fill it up. He asked me to hold on and he would check in back to see if there were any bowls in the back. I had to stop it right there. I couldn’t let this guy take it any further. I told him I was just screwing around and apologized. He laughed nervously and said he was totally confused and didn’t know what to do. I explained that I was just bored and wanted to play around. I don’t think he really understood the whole thing. He came out from behind the counter and looked below the counter where the chips and coffee were. I think he was still looking for a container to put the chili in.

I know this wasn’t a very nice thing to do but I was just trying to get a laugh. I can’t help it if the guy behind the counter got all flustered. It was 4:30 in the morning for Pete’s sake. What am I supposed to do, just let it go?

Shouldn't Even Be Close

Ok kids, it’s time to talk about some of the things I’ve been noticing in the going ons of this political season. Let me warn you, if you don’t already know, I’m a supporter of the Democratic ticket. If that bothers you, don’t read this. If you have comments, feel free to leave them at the end of the post. Do me a favor though; don’t just use the typical talking points. You know the ones, “Obama’s a tax and spend liberal” and things of that ilk.

To start with, I’ll address that point right off the bat. I’ve actually done research on this; it’s quite easy to find web sites that have no political slant. According to numerous non-bias organizations, under the Obama tax plan anyone making less than $200,000 or $250,000 for married couples will see a tax cut. The plan calls for the taxes on those that make more than that to return to what they were during the Clinton administration. I don’t know anyone, including those that make those kinds of dollars, that didn’t do well in the 90’s. So, the question becomes, how is that bad? To me, the answers easy, it’s not.

Let’s talk about security. I can’t find any poll that says that Americans feel safer today than they did before 2001. Not one. The bottom line is that 09/11 happened on the Republicans watch. I don’t believe we need to argue about the response of the current administration. There is more and more evidence about the fake evidence used to get into the war with Iraq that I hope we can all agree that we shouldn’t have gone there. That’s not to say that we can just pull out of Iraq, just that we shouldn’t have gone there in the first place.

The outcome of this war is the “Patriot Act”. Have any of you actually read this piece of legislation? For a political party that constantly rails against big government being in people’s lives, they certainly want to spend time in yours and mine. Under this act our phone, email, financial and medical records can be searched by the government without a court order and without you or I even knowing about it. Sounds like big brother to me. Sorry, I’m starting to move away from the original intent of the post; I’ll try to get back on track.

Allow me to give you a scenario: there’s a black guy who is married. He has an affair, while still married, with an heiress. His wife gets in a horrible accident and becomes disfigured. While recuperating, this man decides to file for divorce and be with this other woman. Then let’s say this man decides to run for President as a democrat. Well, I think we all know what the right wing would do with that. His family values would be questioned over and over again and odds are that he would be absolutely trounced in the election if he even gets that far. Change the above scenario to the real story of John McCain and he’s the head of the family values party and a real mans man. Sorry, I just don’t get it.

Let’s take another look at this black candidate. Let’s say he has a 17-year-old daughter who gets pregnant. This daughter, along with her father, would become the laughing stock of the election season and once again the family values issue would be a major issue in the campaign. All we’d be hearing about is what a poor example this candidate has been for his family to allow his child to get “knocked up” as a teenager. We all know that this is really a reference to Sara Palins daughter, yet when it’s brought up all we hear is how courageous she is and what a strong family she has. Amazing.

Needless to say, I’m not a fan of this woman. For those that are, I’m sorry, you obviously haven’t really looked into who and what she is. The reason I know this is that nobody has. When anyone tries to get any info all we are told is that we are sexist. Seriously. She’s not allowed to have a news conference because the McCain campaign is afraid of what she’s going to say. Hell, McCain himself hasn’t been allowed to face the press without having it pre-scripted. Even his little town hall meetings that he so favors are carefully orchestrated. If you are a democrat, and it’s known that you are, you’re not allowed entrance to the meeting.

One last thing about Palin, they have a film of one of the campaign stops where she and McCain were taking questions. She was asked to name specifically what experience she brings to the table to make her a viable Vice President. Her response was that she was ready to lead and that if elected she’s ready. She also said that if you wanted specifics to just ask. She then went on to another questioner. Face it folks, she doesn’t have specifics and that’s simply because she hasn’t been told by the campaign what she’s supposed to say. I know, the typical republican response is that Obama has none either. Wrong. Go to his web site and he has everything he plans on doing in complete detail. You can’t say the same for McCain.

Here’s my biggest fear about this entire election. I truly believe that the race issue is the only thing that can hurt Obama. I think there are a number of folks out there that when the curtain closes on the election booth will have a hard time voting for a black man. I believe this election wouldn’t even be close if he were white. Sounds terrible but I really think that if a white male, with all else being the same, were the democratic nominee there would be a landslide of historic proportions. I hope I’m wrong.

A Really Bad Month

Sometimes I feel like I’m just falling apart. I’ve never felt real highly of myself and lately with the job picture and financial situation it’s really smacking me around. Feeling as shitty as I always have about myself, I still always believed that things would work out for me. That feeling isn’t nearly as strong as it used to be and that scares me.

I feel like everything I have ever done wrong to anyone or anything in my life is all coming back to haunt me at once and I don’t think I have the strength to fight it all off. I wake up in the morning and I notice I’m shaking a little. There’s a cloud over my mind that has been raining for what seems like decades. I have no confidence in my abilities to do anything.

It used to be that when I applied for a job I would go in there feeling like they were lucky to have me. I don’t have that feeling anymore and I don’t know if I have the strength or know how to get it back. I have never been more afraid to get out of bed in my life because for the first time I really don’t know how this story ends.

Whatever friends or family reads this please know that this is in no way any kind of note to be overly concerned about. I’m not going to do anything to hurt myself, I’m just having a real bad month and it’s starting to feel like it’s gonna stay cloudy forever.

A Little Bathroom Story

I went to the clinic today to take a drug test for possible employment with a large retailer. There just seems to be something wrong with the casualness of the process with the folks that work there. It just doesn’t seem to be any kind of big deal that they happen to be handling human waste. Hell, it took me a while before I could deal with my own daughters diaper when she was born. Of course it quickly got to the point of nothing being to it but this was my daughter not some schlep off the street that I’ve never seen before.

Walking in I was reminded of the place I use to sell my plasma at when I was 18 and needed, ironically enough, drug money. Wearing jeans and a tee shirt with my ever present flip-flops, I was easily the best dressed person there. Says something about the state of the unemployed now doesn’t it.

When I first got there I went up to the desk and, after being asked what I was there for, gave them the paperwork my perspective employer gave me. They had me sign in and said it would be a few minutes. A couple minutes later the very same person that I had just spoken to called my name. I went up to the counter and he said. “What can I do for you today Kevin”? I just smiled until I realized he was serious. I explained what was up and that I had already given him my paperwork. Some lady then told me to go around the corner and into the second room and when I got there she was already there to meet me.

She told me to empty my pockets and put everything in this box that was on the door. After doing what I was told I realized that there was nobody checking to see if I really emptied them. She asked if I had done it and I said yes. I could have easily had someone else’s pee in my pocket. Ewwwww. She then asked if I could pee? I laughed. Hell, at my age there’s hardly a time when I don’t have to go. So she gave me a little plastic vial and, with her plastic gloves on, put a little mark about 1/5 of the way up the cup and told me to put that amount in it.

So I went in to do my thing and stopped at what I thought was around the line she had drawn. Now, I don’t know about you but stopping mid-stream is not an easy thing to accomplish. So I stopped with a bit of a struggle and lifted the cup to see if I had made it to the line. I started thinking at this point that I didn’t have plastic gloves on. How come she needed them and I didn’t? Anyway, I saw that I didn’t make it even close to the line and had to repeat the process. After another two checks I finally did it and took the vial out to my friend outside the door.

After handing her the vial, she had me fill out some form and she set the specimen on the table. She started telling me about some of the adventures she’s had while having this job and was in the middle of saying that there was a time that someone had filled the cup all the way to the top. She was saying that it had spilled a little when he had set it down and then she reached over to show me how far the guy had filled it to and hit mine and knocked it over before putting the top on it. Oh joy.

Thankfully I didn’t get any on me and she apologized over and over again. She then asked me if it was at all possible that I could go again. Are you kidding me?

What If?

What if I wasn’t the youngest of four kids? If I were say, the oldest, the second or third child in the family. How much would that have changed what and where I am at this very moment? Maybe I would have been a better student, role model, mentor to my siblings. I’d like to think that I would be all that and more. I often wonder if any little thing that has happened in my life were tweaked, just a touch, the difference it would have made in my life.

Let’s say I was more outgoing. Now those that know me think I’m very gregarious. What most don’t realize is how incredibly uncomfortable I actually am in any kind of group. If I were this social being that went to parties and were able to socialize comfortably in the “party” type settings, where would I be today? I think it goes without saying that my circle of friends and acquaintances would be much larger. Along with that comes the idea of changes in the relationships I’ve had and the different ones I would have possibly enjoyed.

Maybe I would have been a better student. Of course the possibilities are endless with that. Let’s say I went to college and even grad school. Obviously the career path would be different. Be it business, law or even medicine. The possibilities of course are endless. Obviously the social crowd would have been much different simply because I would have been in different places and among others in whatever it would have been that I was doing.

I wonder if baseball would have still been my first true passion? I’ve always thought that it was sort of a sign of intelligence to be as into the game as much as I am. That sounds kind of weird but you can’t be an idiot and get into the stats and understand the little intricacies that I believe I do. That’s not to say that you’re an idiot if you’re not into it as much as others or at all. I think you know what I mean.

So let’s say I became some sort of social animal. Pretend I wasn’t afraid of intimate relationships. I often wish that I could go out and “pick up” women and be the object of their attention as well. Obviously, if that were the case, my entire being would be completely changed. My marriage to my ex would probably never have happened. The kids would be different and odds are I wouldn’t know any of you guys out there. We may have crossed paths at some point but who’s to say if anything would have come of it.

I don’t think there has been a day in my life that I haven’t thought about such things. I can also say that I’ve wished for these things to have happened. I then get a phone call or email from one of you or one of the kids calls or sends me a text and I just can’t imagine what I’d do without you. It’s those moments that I tell myself I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

A Little Self Pity

“From all this you’d imagine, that there must be something learned,”

Feeling a little funky today. I think something may have bitten me. I didn’t sleep well at all last night and have felt like I’m in some kind of fog all day long. I went to a bar last night and I know what you’re thinking, “hangover”. No, I only had two Malibu’s on ice. Trust me, I hardly caught a buzz.

You’d think that staying home on a Sunday and watching football all day would be a dream come true for a sports fan like me. I gotta tell ya, kinda sucked. I used to be home on a Sunday thinking about what a drag it’s going to be to go to work the next day. I’d pretty much give up my left one to feel that right now.

I really am trying to stay positive but that becomes more and more difficult as the days go by. I’ve cut my spending so much so that I hardly leave the house. The only entertainment outside of the house that I’ve done is because friends have offered to pay for whatever it is we do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m real appreciative but I don’t like having to depend on friends to get my fun fix. I, and they, know I’d do the same for them without thinking anything of it but that still doesn’t make me feel any better about it.

I’ve got an interview tomorrow with a large drug store chain and I’m hoping more than anything that I hear from the folks in the D.C. area this week for an interview. I also keep applications flowing on a daily basis to retailers throughout the country. I have a list here of anyone I’ve applied with and have a system for calling them and checking on the applications every three days. Monday I have 16 calls to make and another 14 on Tuesday. I just want to keep my name in their faces.

I look forward to a day when I can look back at this time and understand the lessons taught. Right now I’m kinda confused by it all. I’m getting into the “whoa is me” phase and that’s a real uncomfortable place to be. I think of all the woulda, shoulda and couldas throughout my life and see numerous times where the course could have been changed. There are most certainly lessons learned throughout. Those are lessons that are too far-gone to fix, I’m not a kid anymore, at least physically.

I need to see what there is to learn from this episode. If and when this part of my life is complete I’m not sure I’ll ever want to think about it again. I just want to get some semblance of a life again. I don’t do much besides work so you can imagine how exiting life is when I’m unemployed.

I know, I know. Quit your moaning. Ok, I will. It’s just that every once in a while I think I have the right. Trust me, I could go on for pages and pages but I’ll spare you. Maybe it’s the bug bite.


From all this you’d imagine…

A Boy And His Dog

Lucky and I went up to Torch Lake and stayed at my sisters’ place for Labor Day weekend. There was only Karen and Bob and my niece Jodie besides me so I was able to have my choice of either the two bedroom or one bedroom cottage for the dog and me. They don’t want animals in the “big” house and that’s an easy request to abide by as both the other houses have everything you could possibly need.

This was the first time I went up there with Lucky and it really is nice that she’s such a mellow dog. It’s a three-hour drive each way and she handles it like a pro. All she wants is to have the windows open and she didn’t bother me once the entire trip. Once there she just needs to go outside a few times a day, just like home, and she’s fine just hanging in the one bedroom while I’m in the house with the other people. Don’t worry, I would go hang out with her every few hours and take her for a walk and stuff like that.

We got up there Saturday afternoon and just sat around for the day. It’s really comfortable up there; it’s easy to see why so many people like to go up there. When I woke up Sunday morning I took Lucky out and walked her to the edge of the backyard to the lake. I had my IPOD on and put the handle of her leash under the table Karen has on the beach next to the chair I was sitting in.

So I’m sitting there just thinking about nothing, which is my favorite thing to think about, and I notice the table next to me is moving. I look up and Lucky is chest deep in the water, just moseying around. I called her and she turned around to look at me and just sat down as if to say “hey, there’s a lake here and at least one of us should be using it”. So I leaned back in my chair, she moved a little closer to the shore and laid down and we both were right where we wanted to be.


I know I’ve mentioned it before but I just love being near the water. Torch is very much like the Gulf when there isn’t a storm in the tropics. It’s almost like a sheet of glass on its finer days. Sitting out on that chair on the beach is a feeling I find hard to describe. It gives my head a chance to just plain erase and nowadays I find that erasing is the most comfortable button I can find to push on that recorder we call a brain. Lucky seemed to be of the same mind as she stayed in the water like that for about 20 minutes.

I decided to get up and go out on the dock so Lucky could be in the sun and attempt to dry off. I grabbed my favorite chair from the shed and set it out there like I always do and just sat and listened to a couple podcasts of “This American Life”.

Lucky kept walking to the edge, looking down at the water and making motions like she wanted to jump in. I tried to encourage her but I think she has a problem with depth perception. She surely couldn’t tell that it was only about two feet deep or she would have hopped in. I’m glad she didn’t because she’s a bear to get dry. Her fur below the top coat is like a sheep and it takes hours and hours to dry her off.

I tied her up outside for most of the day and was finally able to put her back in the cottage and Karen, Bob, myself, Jodie, Kori and her boyfriend went out on the boat for a while and just cruised around the lake. It’s a huge lake and it took quite a while for us to go around it. I think it was something we all needed at the time. It was a spectacular day and the water was perfect.
We had a really nice dinner and I went back to my place rather early and hung out with Lucky until I fell asleep.

On Monday I spent most of the morning after breakfast out on the dock listening to the IPOD and just relaxing. Lucky did the same and continued her game of threatening to jump into the water. She never did. It got to be around noon and Karen had packed lunch and wanted us all to go out on the boat again and I could easily have done that. Instead I decided to pack it up and head home.

I was kind of afraid to stay. See, I somehow got it into my head that by staying I probably would have ended up spending the night. No real crime but then I would not have been home on Tuesday morning. See, I’m really trying to make it seem like I’m still working. My job, at the moment, is to find a job. I still shave every morning though there’s no real reason too and even get dressed in some type of work like clothes at some point just to keep some sort of structure in my life. I think that can only help me so I’ll try to keep it up.

So Lucky and I drove home in Holiday traffic, again, she was great. When we got home she ran upstairs and went under my bed to get some sleep. I guess she likes the structure too.

Let's Wait And See.

I got a call Thursday that was kind of unexpected. I really shouldn’t say unexpected but it did surprise me. It was from a grocery company based out of North Carolina. I had applied for a number of positions with them through “Careerbuilder.com” but I’ve never received a call from any company I’ve applied at through them. I always call the company three days after applying and then every three days after that. Well, the company that called me was on the list for me to call on Friday.

So I answer the phone and the lady tells me who she is and tells me that she has seen my application on Career Builder. She says that the resume was sent in for a job in Virginia Beach and wanted to know if I had chosen that area because of family or any other reason. I explained to her that yes, my brother does live there and it’s always nice to be near family but I’m certainly not stuck on the idea of living there. She tells me that they are looking to hire for positions in the northern Virginia, Washington D.C. area and would that be something I’d be interested in looking into. I say of course, I’m willing to look anywhere. She then said she wanted to set up a phone interview that would take about an hour and would tomorrow or next week be better. I said Friday was fine so she said she’d call at 2:00 pm.

Friday at 2:00 comes along and the phone rings right on the dot. We proceeded to chat for over an hour and a half. I was asked things about grocery stores that I haven’t dealt with in more than five years. I really had to think about the things she was asking about. Actually it was a nice little exercise for my brain. It’s been kind of dormant lately.

I guess I had applied for an Assistant Department Manager position because she asked if I might possibly be interested in moving higher up than that? She told me she saw on my resume that I had managed a store in L.A. and been an Assistant Store Manager in a few markets. I told her that I would definitely be interested in moving up the chain of command.

At the end of the conversation I asked her what the next step would be and she said that what they were looking for was to possibly place me into their Management training program and then to place me as an Assistant Store Manager in the D.C. market. This, of course, would be dependent on the results of a package she was putting in the mail for me. The packet will contain an employment application along with a number of assessment tests. Once done with the entire package I am to call the number enclosed and they will give me a link to access on line to take yet another test. When all this is finished I’m to send the packet back to her.

If the company likes what they find in the packet they will call me to set up a face-to-face interview with three District Managers. They’ll fly me in to the area, rent me a car and put me up in a hotel for three days. She said the interview would be on the second day and be in the morning and should last around two to three hours. During the rest of my time there I would be encouraged to visit some of the stores and meet some of the people that work there. I would also be able to take some time and visit the D.C. area. Pretty cool.

So now I wait for the packet and hope for the best. I did ask her during the interview about the cost of living in the area and said it was very high but that they are competitive with their pay. She said that this was obvious as they have managers that work in the area now and that they are able to afford to live their so that’s a good thing. Let’s see what happens.