Just a Little Steam Blowing

I’m having a hard time getting myself together lately. I’m in a position that is requiring me to exert an effort to, not only get by, but literally survive as well. The problem becomes even larger simply because I’m not sure I really want to try. That sounds different than I mean it.

Finding myself in a position like this sort of lends credence to the idea of me not being what others think of me. My stubbornness seems to win in situations like this and, on some level I’ve never truly connected with, I feel like yelling, “I told you so” to everyone I see on the street. Like this is what I’ve been trying to yell at everyone ever since I was a little boy and was being told how smart I was and what a great future I had. Well, the future is here and it isn’t so pretty now is it? See, “I told you so”. I win. Now where’s my prize?

I get so frustrated with myself when I get like this. I know that nothing is promised and I’m the only one to blame for any unhappiness I have in my life. That being said doesn’t ease the pressure I put on myself by insisting that I’m this nothing of a person that deserves only the worst that life has to offer. I know that I should do so much more in life. For whatever reason comes to mind at the time I convince myself that I really don’t need to. I’ve always got this same argument going on in my head on a daily basis. Why try if the end result is always the same?

I have so many good things in my life yet I can only seem to focus on them for a short time. My mind immediately goes back to those things that bring me down and the cycle begins anew. Why can’t the Tigers just get hits with runners in scoring position and make it all go away…

Finally!!!

Is this cool or what? Seriously, I just don’t see how it gets any better. I’m already starting to shake inside. See, this weekend is the final four. The semifinals were played last night and Monday evening will be the championship game. That’s always been a highlight for me, and having the local college team involved always makes it even more exciting. As wonderful as this may seem, and it is quite exciting for me, it pales in comparison to what’s really going on.

Tonight at 8:00, or sometime real close to that, the 2010 baseball season begins. Monday, from 1:00 in the afternoon until well past midnight, I can literally plant myself in my chair and do nothing but watch baseball. Excuse me; my heart just skipped a beat just thinking of it. I think I need to sit down; I’m starting to sweat

Yes, the world is round; I’m somewhat convinced of that each spring around this time. I can’t wait until tomorrow when The Tigers play their first game of the season. My chair waits with baited breath for the time we get to spend together over the next six months or so. It’s kind of tough to be unhappy when the greatest gift I can imagine is delivered to me directly through my television each and every day.

I might actually run out and buy a scorebook to use throughout the year, yeah; I sometimes keep score even when watching a game on television. Oh, damn, the stores are probably closed cuz it’s Easter. Like that’s more important than opening day. What a screwed up world we live in.