There have always been times in my life, as I’m sure we can all say, that I’ve questioned the point of it all. I, however, happen to do this more often than anyone I know. I think the reason I do it more than others is simply a case of my own laziness. When most people do this self-examination thing, they usually find something in their makeup that they want to change and they go about finding a way to do just that. They take a class, they start an exercise regimen, they do something, anything to try to self-correct whatever it is that’s bothering them.
I, on the other hand, always have good intentions but never, and I mean never, have attempted to take that first step towards changing whatever it is that I don’t like. Oh, I think about it, I plan it and tell myself that today is the day and all that other stuff we tell ourselves. Then the idea of the task hits me and I just let it go by the wayside. Oh, I still question everything it’s just that the question I ask is more along the lines of “Why me”? Or, “how much longer is this gonna last”? Like either of those are valid on any level.
Lately it seems the questions are more frequent than usual. I always get this way during the holidays and I’ll gladly attribute my feelings to the season. I’m thinking that maybe turning 50 in a couple months may be adding to the malaise too. Not because I’m feeling that mortality thing, not even close, more along the lines of what a waste of time it and I have been. I know, I know, we all question where we are and what we’ve done. I also know, as I’ve written about on numerous occasions, that we all have regrets. Here’s the rub: I have always been uncomfortable in my own skin. I’ve never wanted to be me. I know, once again, numerous people feel that way. My bigger issue is that I don’t want to be anyone else either. So what are the options? Kill myself? Never gonna happen, for reasons that have been discussed over and over again. So I sit and whine about my life and for reasons nobody I know can explain, write about it. I guess it beats talking to myself while walking in the mall.
I go out and see people, everyone having a good time, and I’m just burning up inside. I touched on this a bit in my last post but it’s a jealousy thing. Why can’t I enjoy it as much as they are? I literally find myself getting mad at them, like how dare they have this joy that I find so elusive. I look at the pictures and see everyone doing these normal social activities, which any adult should have wired at this point in their lives, and all I can do is look for the escape. First to my car then to my chair where I melt into this thing of nothingness that does nothing but get me more upset about the whole thing. It’s a constant that’s been with me for as long as I can remember. Not being part of this social scene is always an option and it does beg the question of why I do it. I have this ultimate fear of what I’d turn into if I didn’t go out and attend these functions. It’s a good thing I have to work because I could so easily find myself slipping into a reclusive lifestyle and hating myself even more for it.
You know what’s even worse? This all makes sense to me.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
A Jumbled Mass Of...
One of these days I’ll figure out what it is about Holidays that I find, I don’t know, maddening. It’s the day after Thanksgiving and I’m finding myself actually getting upset about it. I find it so hard to articulate what the feelings are, but they’re always there. It’s almost like a jealousy thing. I find myself almost more bothered by the fact that everyone else is enjoying the season than by the idea of the Holidays themselves.
I have to tread lightly in what I’m trying to say so as not to offend anyone here and I don’t want anyone to think I don’t enjoy the time I spend with family and friends. I’ve always had a hard time understanding why we have, in the case of Thanksgiving, one day where we are “thankful”. Seriously, do we really need to be reminded to be thankful, if that’s what you are, for what we have? It just seems so, I don’t know, contrived sometimes. I know, it’s always a good thing to be reminded but seriously, it seems that we’re more interested in the Black Friday deals than we are in the Holiday anyway, so why not just pick any day during any month and have a nice meal with family and friends? I know, most of us already do that; it’s called having a social life. See? This is why it’s so exhausting being me. All day yesterday, these were the thoughts going through my head.
Yesterday, as I sat in my chair, knowing I’d be heading up to Karen’s in a short while, I started having one of my typical panicky moments. I actually broke out in a sweat at the thought of having dinner with those closest to me. How ridiculous is that? What harm could possibly happen to me by what the day held?
My nephew called with an extra ticket to the Lions game and I quickly accepted. Of course going to a Thanksgiving game is cool and the drive, first to the stadium and then to Lansing, was something I looked forward to. I think the drive helps me in situations like this. I downloaded a number of episodes of “This American Life” onto the phone and listened to one on the way to the game and another two going to Lansing. Getting caught up in what I’m listening to doesn’t afford the time to dwell on the whole social thing facing me when I get to my destination. Of course dinner and family were wonderful, always is. I just have such a hard time convincing myself of that before the fact.
Tonight is that Bar Night thing I wrote about last year. Hundreds of folks from my High School gather at a local venue and have an all class reunion if you will. I’ve known about it for months and, though slowly, I’ve become more and more nervous about it as the time gets closer. I want to go. I want to see everyone. I wish I could just close my eyes and be in the middle of the place, surrounded by everyone instead of spending the day knowing that I am going there. In this case, I know that the juice is worth the squeeze. The squeeze is just so painful sometimes that I just want to hide myself in a closet and never be found. I’m working today and by the time I get off the shindig will have already started. I simply dread the ride to the venue; it’s too short a distance to entrance myself in a radio show. I want to just blink my eyes and, you know…
I have to tread lightly in what I’m trying to say so as not to offend anyone here and I don’t want anyone to think I don’t enjoy the time I spend with family and friends. I’ve always had a hard time understanding why we have, in the case of Thanksgiving, one day where we are “thankful”. Seriously, do we really need to be reminded to be thankful, if that’s what you are, for what we have? It just seems so, I don’t know, contrived sometimes. I know, it’s always a good thing to be reminded but seriously, it seems that we’re more interested in the Black Friday deals than we are in the Holiday anyway, so why not just pick any day during any month and have a nice meal with family and friends? I know, most of us already do that; it’s called having a social life. See? This is why it’s so exhausting being me. All day yesterday, these were the thoughts going through my head.
Yesterday, as I sat in my chair, knowing I’d be heading up to Karen’s in a short while, I started having one of my typical panicky moments. I actually broke out in a sweat at the thought of having dinner with those closest to me. How ridiculous is that? What harm could possibly happen to me by what the day held?
My nephew called with an extra ticket to the Lions game and I quickly accepted. Of course going to a Thanksgiving game is cool and the drive, first to the stadium and then to Lansing, was something I looked forward to. I think the drive helps me in situations like this. I downloaded a number of episodes of “This American Life” onto the phone and listened to one on the way to the game and another two going to Lansing. Getting caught up in what I’m listening to doesn’t afford the time to dwell on the whole social thing facing me when I get to my destination. Of course dinner and family were wonderful, always is. I just have such a hard time convincing myself of that before the fact.
Tonight is that Bar Night thing I wrote about last year. Hundreds of folks from my High School gather at a local venue and have an all class reunion if you will. I’ve known about it for months and, though slowly, I’ve become more and more nervous about it as the time gets closer. I want to go. I want to see everyone. I wish I could just close my eyes and be in the middle of the place, surrounded by everyone instead of spending the day knowing that I am going there. In this case, I know that the juice is worth the squeeze. The squeeze is just so painful sometimes that I just want to hide myself in a closet and never be found. I’m working today and by the time I get off the shindig will have already started. I simply dread the ride to the venue; it’s too short a distance to entrance myself in a radio show. I want to just blink my eyes and, you know…
Sunday, November 21, 2010
I Don't Wanna Grow Up
A little over two years ago, many of my friends, along with myself, joined the social networking site, Facebook. I’ve written on numerous occasions how I feel about the site and can never really put into words how much it’s literally changed who I am. I know there are many out there that appreciate it just as much. It’s allowed us to reacquaint ourselves with our youth and, to me, it’s been an incredible journey. The education I’ve gained from this journey is one that’s helped me in more ways than one could count.
Lately I’ve noticed a number of folks talking about how bored they are with the site. How they aren’t having fun with it any longer. I find it a bit humorous that the people they are talking to about this are the same people they would have never even spoken to if it weren’t for Facebook.
I was chatting with a friend, I would never be talking to if not for FB, about this very subject the other day and came up with this idea of what seems to be happening. I told her we were all like kids that had just moved onto the same block at the same time. We all, at the beginning, would go out and play everyday, with everyone. As is with most neighborhood kids, we soon found our own little group of friends that we would play with more than others. The problem, as I’m sure you all remember, is that eventually the wonder of it all would somehow disappear. The process would take time, almost unnoticeable, until eventually you lose touch and would only see each other on rare occasions.
It’s kind of funny the way things have worked out. If you think about it, it really does mirror our actual lives. You move away and go to college, get a job, get married and raise a family. In the process, you lose touch with most of the friends of your youth. It’s nothing personal, you just grow up.
Well, just as in my youth, I’m not sure I’m ready to grow up. I don’t want to lose touch with all my friends on the block. It’s meant way too much to me and I’m not sure I can afford the loss. I know I’ve depended on these cyber friendships more than most and many out there laugh at my addiction to the whole thing. Be that as it may, I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going away to college. I’m not getting married. I’m staying at home, living with my parents, as it were. I have no problem being thought of as “that guy” we all knew of back then.
I was at work a few weeks ago and a guy came through my checkout line. I’d never seen him before and when I said “Hi”, he responded with, “ I know you, you’re the funniest guy on Facebook”. It turns out he’s a friend of a friend and sees some of the stuff I post. It felt kind of cool, being almost famous like. I’ve met a number of people that have told me they knew me from the site. I like that, it’s a real good feeling and one I’m not willing to let go away. So, you guys that want to go away to college, go ahead. I’ll be right here if you want to come back and play a game of pick-up football in the street. Remember, two completions or two squares for a first down.
Lately I’ve noticed a number of folks talking about how bored they are with the site. How they aren’t having fun with it any longer. I find it a bit humorous that the people they are talking to about this are the same people they would have never even spoken to if it weren’t for Facebook.
I was chatting with a friend, I would never be talking to if not for FB, about this very subject the other day and came up with this idea of what seems to be happening. I told her we were all like kids that had just moved onto the same block at the same time. We all, at the beginning, would go out and play everyday, with everyone. As is with most neighborhood kids, we soon found our own little group of friends that we would play with more than others. The problem, as I’m sure you all remember, is that eventually the wonder of it all would somehow disappear. The process would take time, almost unnoticeable, until eventually you lose touch and would only see each other on rare occasions.
It’s kind of funny the way things have worked out. If you think about it, it really does mirror our actual lives. You move away and go to college, get a job, get married and raise a family. In the process, you lose touch with most of the friends of your youth. It’s nothing personal, you just grow up.
Well, just as in my youth, I’m not sure I’m ready to grow up. I don’t want to lose touch with all my friends on the block. It’s meant way too much to me and I’m not sure I can afford the loss. I know I’ve depended on these cyber friendships more than most and many out there laugh at my addiction to the whole thing. Be that as it may, I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going away to college. I’m not getting married. I’m staying at home, living with my parents, as it were. I have no problem being thought of as “that guy” we all knew of back then.
I was at work a few weeks ago and a guy came through my checkout line. I’d never seen him before and when I said “Hi”, he responded with, “ I know you, you’re the funniest guy on Facebook”. It turns out he’s a friend of a friend and sees some of the stuff I post. It felt kind of cool, being almost famous like. I’ve met a number of people that have told me they knew me from the site. I like that, it’s a real good feeling and one I’m not willing to let go away. So, you guys that want to go away to college, go ahead. I’ll be right here if you want to come back and play a game of pick-up football in the street. Remember, two completions or two squares for a first down.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
How Incredibly Sad
There is a story here in the local papers about a 14-year-old girl that filed Statutory Rape charges against an 18-year-old boy at her school. The police were investigating the case and charges were filed against the young man. It soon became public and the 14-year-old child was interviewed on television. She gave her side of the story, with her identity hidden and, though there’s no way to know if she was telling the truth, sounded pretty credible. I don’t pretend to know much about the case, didn’t really pay much attention to it, shame on me. My natural assumption was that this guy forced himself on this child and that he was nothing but garbage. Well, it turns out, there was, and is, so much more to the story.
There are always three sides to every story. The first of which is what we’ve heard on the news. The third is the fact that this poor kid hung herself earlier this week and a young life ended far too soon. The second side of the story is more confusing than one could imagine. I’m pasting a story from today’s Free Press into this post for all to see. It’s an opinion piece, yet gives us all a better view into the events that took place.
Teen's life too short -- and too public
BY BRIAN DICKERSON DETROIT FREE PRESS COLUMNIST
Under Michigan law, it is illegal to have sex with a 14-year-old girl, even if she consents.
But there's no law against broadcasting on television the same 14-year-old's account of her sexual activity. And that's a shame, because if there were such a law, Samantha Kelly might still be alive today.
Late on Sept. 26, Samantha's mother, June Justice, told Huron Township police that her daughter, a freshman at Huron High School, admitted having sexual intercourse with Joseph Tarnopolski, an 18-year-old senior who lived eight homes down the road from theirs.
In a handwritten statement and two separate interviews conducted outside her mother's presence, Samantha said she and Tarnopolski had sex for two hours one morning while Tarnopolski's parents were away. She admitted telling Tarnopolski that she was anxious to lose her virginity. Police later found text message exchanges supporting the two teenagers' accounts that their sexual encounter had been consensual.
Those accounts, coupled with the fact that Samantha was too young to consent legally to sexual contact with anyone, gave prosecutors the grounds to charge Tarnopolski with third-degree criminal sexual conduct, a felony punishable by up to 15 years in prison and 25 years on Michigan's public sex offender registry.
Fox 2's version of the story
These would surely qualify as seismic events in the lives of any two teenagers. But for Samantha Kelly and Joseph Tarnopolski, things were about to get much worse.
In early October, distressed by the hostility her daughter faced at school from Tarnopolski and his friends, June Justice contacted Detroit's Fox News affiliate, WJBK-TV (Channel 2). On Oct. 18, the station broadcast a 21/2-minute segment in which Samantha, accompanied on-screen by her mother, charged for the first time that Tarnopolski had forced himself on her. An anchor's introduction to the piece called it a case of rape.
The issue of coercion was irrelevant to the statutory charge prosecutors had lodged against Tarnopolski. But the Channel 2 broadcast complicated the case in two ways.
First, it introduced a new version of events inconsistent with both Samantha's previous accounts and her text messages to the defendant.
Second, it turned what had been a closely held secret into general knowledge among the 850 students at Huron High. Many sided with Tarnopolski, a popular upperclassman who vehemently denied Samantha's allegations of coercion and branded his accuser a liar.
Where were grown-ups?
Wednesday, a day after Samantha hanged herself in her family's home, June Justice charged that the taunting and bullying her daughter had endured in the last three weeks had directly precipitated her suicide. But that's hardly the whole story.
Surely, Samantha's decision to go public with her allegations -- supported by her mother and abetted by Fox 2 journalists -- left the 14-year-old dramatically more exposed to criticism and ridicule. The WJBK segment blurred Samantha's face, but the station broadcast clear video images of Tarnopolski, Justice and Huron High, and identified all three by name. The segment's prime-time airing ended both Samantha's anonymity and her alleged attacker's interest in keeping his own version of events to himself.
Then there was the new charge of coercion. Prosecutors frankly doubted the revised account Samantha had provided in the WJBK broadcast, and warned that they would not abet any attempt to exaggerate the circumstances of her encounter with Tarnopolski in his preliminary examination, which was scheduled for Wednesday.
It's reasonable to conclude that Samantha knew she was in for a humiliating experience if Tarnopolski's lawyers were permitted to cross-examine her. She knew she'd be asked to reconcile the differences between the account she had given prosecutors and the one she gave for TV. Had she simply neglected to mention in those initial interviews that she had been forcibly raped? Or had she embellished her account after some of her peers questioned her decision to press charges?
That's how it was bound to go down on the witness stand: Was she lying then -- or lying now?
The end of the world
Any adult would shrink from such an experience. To a 14-year-old, it must have looked like the end of the world -- and for Samantha Kelly, it was.
In court Wednesday, after the charges against Tarnopolski were dismissed, June Justice railed at the high school peers who taunted her daughter.
"All them peers really need to think now, more than they ever have before, what they did," she said. "I want to know how they're sleeping."
But teenagers didn't put a 14-year-old freshman in front of a TV camera and broadcast her teenage angst to the world.
There’s really not much more to say after reading this. Yes, schoolyard taunting had a great deal to do with this and we should all pay attention to it. we’re reading and hearing far too many stories related to it. it’s that second side to the story that makes me wonder even more about where we, as a society, have gone. It’s all such a shame on so many levels.
There are always three sides to every story. The first of which is what we’ve heard on the news. The third is the fact that this poor kid hung herself earlier this week and a young life ended far too soon. The second side of the story is more confusing than one could imagine. I’m pasting a story from today’s Free Press into this post for all to see. It’s an opinion piece, yet gives us all a better view into the events that took place.
Teen's life too short -- and too public
BY BRIAN DICKERSON DETROIT FREE PRESS COLUMNIST
Under Michigan law, it is illegal to have sex with a 14-year-old girl, even if she consents.
But there's no law against broadcasting on television the same 14-year-old's account of her sexual activity. And that's a shame, because if there were such a law, Samantha Kelly might still be alive today.
Late on Sept. 26, Samantha's mother, June Justice, told Huron Township police that her daughter, a freshman at Huron High School, admitted having sexual intercourse with Joseph Tarnopolski, an 18-year-old senior who lived eight homes down the road from theirs.
In a handwritten statement and two separate interviews conducted outside her mother's presence, Samantha said she and Tarnopolski had sex for two hours one morning while Tarnopolski's parents were away. She admitted telling Tarnopolski that she was anxious to lose her virginity. Police later found text message exchanges supporting the two teenagers' accounts that their sexual encounter had been consensual.
Those accounts, coupled with the fact that Samantha was too young to consent legally to sexual contact with anyone, gave prosecutors the grounds to charge Tarnopolski with third-degree criminal sexual conduct, a felony punishable by up to 15 years in prison and 25 years on Michigan's public sex offender registry.
Fox 2's version of the story
These would surely qualify as seismic events in the lives of any two teenagers. But for Samantha Kelly and Joseph Tarnopolski, things were about to get much worse.
In early October, distressed by the hostility her daughter faced at school from Tarnopolski and his friends, June Justice contacted Detroit's Fox News affiliate, WJBK-TV (Channel 2). On Oct. 18, the station broadcast a 21/2-minute segment in which Samantha, accompanied on-screen by her mother, charged for the first time that Tarnopolski had forced himself on her. An anchor's introduction to the piece called it a case of rape.
The issue of coercion was irrelevant to the statutory charge prosecutors had lodged against Tarnopolski. But the Channel 2 broadcast complicated the case in two ways.
First, it introduced a new version of events inconsistent with both Samantha's previous accounts and her text messages to the defendant.
Second, it turned what had been a closely held secret into general knowledge among the 850 students at Huron High. Many sided with Tarnopolski, a popular upperclassman who vehemently denied Samantha's allegations of coercion and branded his accuser a liar.
Where were grown-ups?
Wednesday, a day after Samantha hanged herself in her family's home, June Justice charged that the taunting and bullying her daughter had endured in the last three weeks had directly precipitated her suicide. But that's hardly the whole story.
Surely, Samantha's decision to go public with her allegations -- supported by her mother and abetted by Fox 2 journalists -- left the 14-year-old dramatically more exposed to criticism and ridicule. The WJBK segment blurred Samantha's face, but the station broadcast clear video images of Tarnopolski, Justice and Huron High, and identified all three by name. The segment's prime-time airing ended both Samantha's anonymity and her alleged attacker's interest in keeping his own version of events to himself.
Then there was the new charge of coercion. Prosecutors frankly doubted the revised account Samantha had provided in the WJBK broadcast, and warned that they would not abet any attempt to exaggerate the circumstances of her encounter with Tarnopolski in his preliminary examination, which was scheduled for Wednesday.
It's reasonable to conclude that Samantha knew she was in for a humiliating experience if Tarnopolski's lawyers were permitted to cross-examine her. She knew she'd be asked to reconcile the differences between the account she had given prosecutors and the one she gave for TV. Had she simply neglected to mention in those initial interviews that she had been forcibly raped? Or had she embellished her account after some of her peers questioned her decision to press charges?
That's how it was bound to go down on the witness stand: Was she lying then -- or lying now?
The end of the world
Any adult would shrink from such an experience. To a 14-year-old, it must have looked like the end of the world -- and for Samantha Kelly, it was.
In court Wednesday, after the charges against Tarnopolski were dismissed, June Justice railed at the high school peers who taunted her daughter.
"All them peers really need to think now, more than they ever have before, what they did," she said. "I want to know how they're sleeping."
But teenagers didn't put a 14-year-old freshman in front of a TV camera and broadcast her teenage angst to the world.
There’s really not much more to say after reading this. Yes, schoolyard taunting had a great deal to do with this and we should all pay attention to it. we’re reading and hearing far too many stories related to it. it’s that second side to the story that makes me wonder even more about where we, as a society, have gone. It’s all such a shame on so many levels.
Monday, November 8, 2010
All Those Little Pieces
I know this guy, known him for close to 40 years, that everyone I know agrees is a bit strange. Nothing terrible, he’s a good guy and has a lot of friends, there’s just something a bit “off” about him. I find myself getting frustrated beyond belief every time I’m with him for any extended amount of time and that has made me wonder about a few things.
I wonder what it is that allows me to set the standard of what being a bit off is? I’m thinking that we all have to use ourselves as the measuring stick when it comes to these things. I mean, this friend for instance, he sits around and wonders about others just like the rest of us. While doing this, “normal” is him. His standard is himself, as it seems it should be. I can’t see how there can be any other measuring device. When any of us are talking to others about someone, and we all do, we’re comparing them to ourselves and that begs the bigger issue. How are you, me, or any other person, the standard?
I know when it comes to me, at times people must think I’m as weird as it gets. I sit and write about every issue that confronts me and put it out for the entire world to see. That’s certainly not the standard of the vast majority of people. Yet, in my mind, it’s the normal thing to do. I often wonder what I’d think if one of my friends did the same thing. Odds are I’d be talking to friends about this person and we’d all agree, this guy aint right.
I’m not saying that it’s anything so bad that we push someone completely out of our lives but don’t we all, whether we like it or not, feel that everyone is a bit “off” at times? Of course we do. I think that’s part of being human. We have that ability to look past the faults of others. The question is, who decides the faults? It’s you, it’s me, it’s the inner being of all of us.
We’re all a little broken in some way. I’ve stated on numerous occasions that I’ve got more issues than T.V. Guide but somehow they’re forgiven by the world at large and I’m able to go along my little immature life without being constantly hammered about it. I can’t imagine what life would be like if we were called onto the carpet for all our idiosyncrasies.
I wonder what it is that allows me to set the standard of what being a bit off is? I’m thinking that we all have to use ourselves as the measuring stick when it comes to these things. I mean, this friend for instance, he sits around and wonders about others just like the rest of us. While doing this, “normal” is him. His standard is himself, as it seems it should be. I can’t see how there can be any other measuring device. When any of us are talking to others about someone, and we all do, we’re comparing them to ourselves and that begs the bigger issue. How are you, me, or any other person, the standard?
I know when it comes to me, at times people must think I’m as weird as it gets. I sit and write about every issue that confronts me and put it out for the entire world to see. That’s certainly not the standard of the vast majority of people. Yet, in my mind, it’s the normal thing to do. I often wonder what I’d think if one of my friends did the same thing. Odds are I’d be talking to friends about this person and we’d all agree, this guy aint right.
I’m not saying that it’s anything so bad that we push someone completely out of our lives but don’t we all, whether we like it or not, feel that everyone is a bit “off” at times? Of course we do. I think that’s part of being human. We have that ability to look past the faults of others. The question is, who decides the faults? It’s you, it’s me, it’s the inner being of all of us.
We’re all a little broken in some way. I’ve stated on numerous occasions that I’ve got more issues than T.V. Guide but somehow they’re forgiven by the world at large and I’m able to go along my little immature life without being constantly hammered about it. I can’t imagine what life would be like if we were called onto the carpet for all our idiosyncrasies.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
In A New York Minute
A friend of mine that I went to school with replied to an email I had sent her with news that can never be easy. She said she was sorry she couldn’t attend the Halloween party I had asked about because she was out of town. She told me she was in Florida because her Sister had died. Wow, tough note to receive, so much harder to write.
The thoughts that ran through my head were many. First of course was sorrow at what my friend and her family were going through, what a tragic event for anyone. I hadn’t even known she had a sister. I sent my condolences and let her know that I was here if she needed anything, the typical response to such news. What else does one say. I mentioned the incident to a few friends but didn’t want to spread the news very far simply because it’s not my place to decide how and when people hear such news.
Whenever anything like this happens, I think we all have the same type of reaction. The sorrow is obvious but at some point we internalize the news and, at least in my case, think of my own family. I sent my own Sister a note telling her about it and said that the news made me think of her and that I just wanted her to know that I was thinking of her and loved her. She responded by saying thanks and said that I had made her day. That was nice to hear.
At my age I think most folks live away from many members of their family. Friends have moved on with their lives and you just don’t get to see people as much as you’d sometimes like. My siblings are spread out, Karen’s in East Lansing, David is in Chicago and Steve’s in Orlando. Obviously we don’t see each other very often, as a matter of fact, the last time we were all together was when Karen got married around six years ago or so. The point I’m trying to make is the fact that, no matter how sad this sounds, I may never see any of them again. I know we can say that about anyone at any time. Hell, something could happen today and I may not see my next-door neighbor after I just saw him drive away this morning. Kind of freaks me out.
I’m not saying anything here that hasn’t been said before. I realize that life happens and we have no control over so many things, I just think about this stuff when something like this happens. I don’t know how close my friend was with her sister; I do know she couldn’t have seen her very often as she lived in Florida. It’s just that the idea that I may not see any of those important to me ever again kinda scares me. I guess it’s just a part of getting older that can’t be too pleasant.
The thoughts that ran through my head were many. First of course was sorrow at what my friend and her family were going through, what a tragic event for anyone. I hadn’t even known she had a sister. I sent my condolences and let her know that I was here if she needed anything, the typical response to such news. What else does one say. I mentioned the incident to a few friends but didn’t want to spread the news very far simply because it’s not my place to decide how and when people hear such news.
Whenever anything like this happens, I think we all have the same type of reaction. The sorrow is obvious but at some point we internalize the news and, at least in my case, think of my own family. I sent my own Sister a note telling her about it and said that the news made me think of her and that I just wanted her to know that I was thinking of her and loved her. She responded by saying thanks and said that I had made her day. That was nice to hear.
At my age I think most folks live away from many members of their family. Friends have moved on with their lives and you just don’t get to see people as much as you’d sometimes like. My siblings are spread out, Karen’s in East Lansing, David is in Chicago and Steve’s in Orlando. Obviously we don’t see each other very often, as a matter of fact, the last time we were all together was when Karen got married around six years ago or so. The point I’m trying to make is the fact that, no matter how sad this sounds, I may never see any of them again. I know we can say that about anyone at any time. Hell, something could happen today and I may not see my next-door neighbor after I just saw him drive away this morning. Kind of freaks me out.
I’m not saying anything here that hasn’t been said before. I realize that life happens and we have no control over so many things, I just think about this stuff when something like this happens. I don’t know how close my friend was with her sister; I do know she couldn’t have seen her very often as she lived in Florida. It’s just that the idea that I may not see any of those important to me ever again kinda scares me. I guess it’s just a part of getting older that can’t be too pleasant.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Can You See The Real Me
Was at a friend’s place a few weeks ago when an incident happened that required the help of all the guys that were there. Someone had driven their car into a position that made it necessary for a number of us to go out and literally pick up the car in order for it to be able to move. While all the guys were dealing with the car, a number of the women that were there came out and watched. While this was happening, one of the women commented to me, while laughing, about how it was a macho fest kind of thing going on. Another woman that was there with us said that it wasn’t true for me. She told this woman that I was the most real person around and we all three laughed.
I’ve been thinking about that statement lately and I think I like it. I like the idea of being thought of that way. I think it means that I’m not looked at as one that puts on airs and I think that’s a good thing. I’m quite sure my writing has led to that kind of thought about me and I’m also just as sure that women feel that way about me more than men. Whereas my male friends make fun of me on a regular basis for my “sensitivity”, they still read the blog and I know I’ve struck a chord with a number of guys just from the reactions I’ve received from a number of posts. I think I say what they want to but would never say in public. Women, on the other hand, seem to “get” what I’m saying and tell me so on a regular basis. I’ve always said I write for chicks and if you’ve been a blog follower for the last few years, you know what I mean.
I think I’m the way I am, as most are, because of the way I grew up. Having a single Mother during my teen years and my sister pretty much raising us when I was very small obviously had a huge influence on my thought process. I think my brothers are also in step with me on this emotional level, though they’ve always done a better job of throwing on the macho air I spoke of earlier. They each have followed my writing regularly and have shared their thoughts on numerous posts both as comments on the blog and through conversations we’ve had.
So, I think this real thing can mean a few things. Yes, I write with a great deal of emotion and I’m not afraid to show my “feminine” side. I also think it means I’m kind of in touch with how most of my friends think. I look at that statement and it looks so, I don’t know, ego driven. Anyone who knows me knows that a large ego is nothing I ever have to deal with as I regularly suffer from the complete opposite.
I make the statement because of the notes and comments I’ve received over the years. Not only from friends but from folks I’ve never even met. It’s a pretty cool feeling to write what I feel and find I’m not the only one thinking that way. It’s rather freeing, if that makes sense. Sort of gives validation to this jumbled mass of thoughts that are constantly running around up stairs.
I’ve been thinking about that statement lately and I think I like it. I like the idea of being thought of that way. I think it means that I’m not looked at as one that puts on airs and I think that’s a good thing. I’m quite sure my writing has led to that kind of thought about me and I’m also just as sure that women feel that way about me more than men. Whereas my male friends make fun of me on a regular basis for my “sensitivity”, they still read the blog and I know I’ve struck a chord with a number of guys just from the reactions I’ve received from a number of posts. I think I say what they want to but would never say in public. Women, on the other hand, seem to “get” what I’m saying and tell me so on a regular basis. I’ve always said I write for chicks and if you’ve been a blog follower for the last few years, you know what I mean.
I think I’m the way I am, as most are, because of the way I grew up. Having a single Mother during my teen years and my sister pretty much raising us when I was very small obviously had a huge influence on my thought process. I think my brothers are also in step with me on this emotional level, though they’ve always done a better job of throwing on the macho air I spoke of earlier. They each have followed my writing regularly and have shared their thoughts on numerous posts both as comments on the blog and through conversations we’ve had.
So, I think this real thing can mean a few things. Yes, I write with a great deal of emotion and I’m not afraid to show my “feminine” side. I also think it means I’m kind of in touch with how most of my friends think. I look at that statement and it looks so, I don’t know, ego driven. Anyone who knows me knows that a large ego is nothing I ever have to deal with as I regularly suffer from the complete opposite.
I make the statement because of the notes and comments I’ve received over the years. Not only from friends but from folks I’ve never even met. It’s a pretty cool feeling to write what I feel and find I’m not the only one thinking that way. It’s rather freeing, if that makes sense. Sort of gives validation to this jumbled mass of thoughts that are constantly running around up stairs.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)