An Open Letter To My New/Old Friends

“I’ve wondered much further
today than I should,
and I can’t seem to find my way
back to the wood”;

This is going to sound so much stranger than I want it to but I just want to thank you guys. I need to thank you for so much more than you’d ever believe or understand.

I know I’ve written on a few occasions about how cool it has been finding you all and how appreciative I am for getting to know you all again. I really want to try to explain why it means so much to me. Please understand, I’m in no danger of hurting myself or anything like that. I may be crazy but I’m not stupid.

Some of you know me well enough to know that depression has been a companion of mine for as long as one can remember. I’ve been through therapy on numerous occasions and have taken anti depressants at different points in my life. Nothing ever really helped to ease the sad thoughts in my head. It’s something I’ve learned to live with and have sort of come to terms with the whole concept. That being said, I’ve still had to go on with my life.

Until the last few years I’ve pretty much sheltered myself away from anything that could be considered “putting myself out there”. Except for a very few people in my life, I’ve always been afraid of talking to people in more than a business setting where one might discover the “real” me. Whether the “real” me is something to be ashamed of had and still has nothing to do with it. I didn’t, and still on most days, don’t like him.

I started writing this blog in June of 2006. At first it was just something for me to spew out my thoughts on politics, religion and other items that raised my ire. For some reason I started writing about me and who and what I’m about. I turned it into a journal and put stuff on it that people would normally never put out for public perusal. I found a release in writing that I’ve never felt before. I’ve spent the last two and a half years on this blog trying to “find” myself per se’. You know, who and what I’m about. Kind of like peeling the onion that we’ve all heard of in our psych classes. I’d like to think it’s helped but who knows? It is what it is and one must go on.

I woke this morning on my birthday and found so many birthday greetings from you guys on my computer you’d think I was famous. I know I shouldn’t make such a big deal out of it but I can’t help it. I went to lunch with a friend I’ve recently become reacquainted with and then spent the evening having dinner and seeing a show with a group of people that six months ago, most were just a blip in my memory and I on theirs. I had what probably is the most wonderful birthday I’ve ever had and it’s all because of you.

I find myself, again because of you guys, putting myself out there more than I have since school. I’m stretching and growing in ways that I had forgotten were possible and once again, it’s you guys that are responsible for it. I can’t imagine just staying home when I’ve got two days off in a row anymore. It’s easily the last resort now that you’ve all re-entered my life and I can’t thank you enough for it.

At the top of the post are some words from the Kenny Loggins song “House On Pooh Corner”. It’s the song that played first when you came to read this piece. Anyway, that verse says a lot about what I’m talking about. I’ve always been so afraid of wandering too far from home. With all of you, I’ve found it so much easier to find my way back to the wood and each of you could live to be 1,000 years old and still never really understand how much that means to me.