Got a phone call the other night on my way home from the brother of someone I used to know with some pretty sad news. To say I was surprised to hear from him is quite an understatement. I barely knew him and had just become reacquainted with his sister. He called to tell me his Sister had died a few days earlier and, when I asked what had happened, he told me she had committed suicide. Not knowing how to respond, I gave my condolences and we chatted for a couple minutes about what had been going on in her life. I had just spoken to her over Thanksgiving and hadn’t spoken to her, before that, for around 30 years.
It seems she was in the middle of a bad marriage, thankfully had no kids and had recently cleaned up after a life of drugs and alcohol. Obviously, the demons hidden by the drugs and drinking were too much for her to handle and, not getting the help she obviously needed, she saw no other way or reason to continue living. I’m sure all of us can come up with a million things we could have told her to try to convince her that life was worth the effort. I felt a bit of guilt when I heard the news; I think that’s a natural thing. When I spoke to her I didn’t notice anything out of order in the things we talked about but, still, I wish I had noticed something was amiss. I hadn’t spoken to her in decades, I truly didn’t know the person I was chatting with and she gave no indication of what was to come.
I’ve always had different feelings than most about suicide. Don’t misunderstand what I’m about to say; I don’t want anyone to kill themselves. I do, however, understand the feeling of wanting to end ones life. I’ve always felt that there are certain people that are just “wired” wrong. Well, wrong isn’t the right word. Let’s just say that they aren’t meant to live this thing we call life. I seriously think that it just happens to some and though we, as a society, have been taught that life is so precious, it’s not that way for everyone.
Of course I believe that we should try to help those that truly feel this way. I can imagine little worse than dealing with these demons on a daily basis. I’ve had my own issues over the years and I know it’s a tough road to hoe. I’m not saying we should have some sort of panel to decide if it’s ok for one to end up killing themselves, I don’t pretend to think that’s a good idea. I just think we need to try to understand those that are in such a position, mentally, and not just write them off as weak or crazy. Life isn’t an easy task, and it is a task, some are just incapable of making it through to its natural conclusion.
I don’t know all the circumstances of this person I had just started talking to again and I hope she did find some happiness in her short life. What I won’t do is blame her for deciding life wasn’t worth the effort. I think that’s the least we owe these friends and family members of people that loved them.
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