Sometimes, as I’m sure happens to many, I just plain wake up in a down mood. It’s not unusual, when this happens, that it sets the tone for the entire day. I’m sure there are numerous psychological explanations for how and why this happens but it still kinda sucks. The late comedian, Richard Jeni, had a routine where he talked about how when couples are in the middle of a breakup they invariably only hear love songs on the radio. No matter how hard they try, or which station they punch up, whatever song comes on is something that keeps the breakup in their mind. It’s a very funny routine and it really is odd how true the concept is.
There are also those, like myself, that almost search out things that will keep the mood in their mind. It’s almost like I’m searching for validity for the down feelings that are running through me. It then becomes almost vital to me to keep pushing that envelope of sadness to ensure that it doesn’t go away. There are also triggers that, no matter what my mood is, will set a new mood in motion. Again, I’m sure this is common for most if not all of us. One of those triggers for me, that I’ve just recently realized, is the song, “The Old Apartment” by Barenaked Ladies.
The last time I saw the band was New Years Eve of 2008 and it was an incredibly emotional day for me. It was the day my brother Steve called and told me he had cancer. I wrote about the concert and I know most of you read it at the time. For those of you that haven’t seen it, I’ll try to figure out how to put the link in this post. I do believe it’s one of the best pieces I’ve ever written even though the subject matter is not what one would consider a “feel good moment”. Before I go on let me say that Steve is doing great. The transplant was done a year ago next week and, of course, we’re all thankful.
Back to the triggers thing.
Every once in a while I like to go through the things I’ve written. Do a little self-criticism, if you will. When I do this I always find that the posts that I think are really well written are those just filled with sadness. I find myself welling up with tears while reading them, yet still force myself to read the entire string of post relevant to that subject. That’s kind of strange. It’s weird that what I believe are my proudest moments in writing are those that take me to a place that ensures sadness.
Here’s where the Barenaked Ladies thing comes into play. The band has recently announced a tour that will bring them to the area soon and I jumped at the possibility of seeing them again. I’ve seen them a number of times and, as most know, I’m a big fan. Before I went to the website to look at ticket prices and other logistics I grabbed their greatest hits cd and put it on. The first song on the album is “The Old Apartment” and as I was looking at the site, with the song playing, I literally had, what might be called, a breakdown. The entire evening of the last time I saw them, and everything that went along with it came rushing into my head like a freight train. I couldn’t turn the cd off fast enough and quickly left the site and realized there was no way I could possibly see the concert.
I woke up the other morning in one of those down moods I spoke of earlier. Got in the car to go to work, and of course, put the cd in that I spoke of earlier. It had the effect I knew it would and ensured a crappy mood for the day. Why do I do this to myself?
Not sure if the link below will work for the piece i spoke of. If not, copy and paste if you want to.
http://kmittleman.blogspot.com/2009/01/bittersweet-symphony.html
2 comments:
I recently had a conversation with a close friend via facebook that put me on the couch for a week! Her three words had such a profond affect on me that it became the question of the week at Rosebud. We were discussing happiness and positive energy, and the last thing she said to me triggered such a roller coaster of feelings, im still riding the coaster. "It's a choice" WTF? choice my ass!
It is a choice. Your choice. When you wake up in the morning, you decide if you are going to be happy or not. We all have pain and trouble in our lives. If something is bothering you, and you can do something about it, do it. If it is something you can't do anything about, accept it. It could always be worse. You could be trying to survive in Haiti, or being persecuted in an Iranian jail etc. Our lives are far from perfect, but I have food, shelter, and some pretty great friends and family. I let that make me happy, despite not having the perfect life I dreamed of when I was young and inexperienced.
Mark H
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