But See...

It’s often wondered, by friends and family, why I don’t seem to have any interest in dating. I didn’t date before I got married and, since the divorce, have had little inclination to go out there and see what I can find. Well, recently, I kinda get this feeling that it may be time to try to break out of this little mold I’ve built for myself. What, you may ask, would make me feel this way? Well, see, there’s this girl.

It’s the strangest thing, I mean we’ve only seen each other three times in the year we’ve been in touch with each other but it seems we’ve gotten pretty close over that time just by chatting on line. I find myself looking forward to seeing her name on any note coming into my in box and am a bit disappointed when I see the note is from someone else. I feel like I’m 12, I swear. I think about her all the time and am always hoping to be able to see her as soon as possible. There though, lies the rub.

She lives a bit away from me so that always puts a little crimp in any plans we may try to make. On the other hand, I think we both feel a little safe knowing that there is that distance between us. See, neither one of us can be considered “professionals” at this relationship thing. Me, because of my total lack of experience at it and she, because of some bad relationships in the past that may have made her feel that the juice just isn’t worth the squeeze, if you know what I mean.

The really wild thing about this to me is that I think she may actually like me too. Kinda makes one wonder about her sensibilities, but I’ll take it until she figures it out.

We talk, well, not really, we write about anything to each other. I know I keep nothing from her and, though sometimes, it’s like pulling teeth, I think I’m getting to know her much better than either of us imagined when we first started talking to each other. I’m very proud to say that I became someone she confided in when she felt she needed to talk to someone and I think she knows that she’s the one I look for when I’ve got something on my mind.

It’s so unusual for me to feel this way, let alone want the whole world to know it. Of course I have no idea if anything real is gonna come of this. I’d love to think it would but truly, you never know. I look forward to trying and I hope she feels the same. We did have dinner a few weeks ago and all I kept thinking was how much I wanted to hold her hand. Like I said, I feel like I’m 12 years old and when you’re my age you’re not supposed to feel that way. But see, there’s this girl…