A couple years ago I posted a list of some of the things I’ve learned. It wasn’t anything serious, just a number of bullet points that I happened to have thought of on that day. One of the things I’ve also done on this blog is admit to a number of things I haven’t learned. That’s never easy for anyone to do and I’ve always found it to be an unpleasant experience. It’s never a picnic to admit ones faults and I just happen to be the kind of guy that always seems to focus on mine. It’s only within the last few years that I started writing about them and I’m sure there are many out there that are pretty tired of hearing it and for that, I apologize. I can’t help the things that are in my head and writing about them seems to help me in this never ending endeavor we happen to call life.
Something that has really come to the forefront over the years since my divorce is the idea of something I don’t seem to have ever learned and that is the ability to take care of myself. I left my mothers house in 1980 and literally floundered, with no real direction, for the next 10 years until I got married. While married, I was fortunate enough to have a wonderful wife that did an amazing job at helping me hide this corruption within my being. We’d argue about it once in a while but it was something we pretty much kept hidden within ourselves for 15 years or so. Seriously, if I’d been any better at growing up into what we all call “normal” adulthood, odds are I’d still be married and living within my own family unit. I don’t think I’ve ever admitted to Shelly, though she always knew, and the kids that I wouldn’t have made it for as long as I did without them. For this, I can never thank them enough.
I moved to Florida and floated around for a couple years and jumped at the first opportunity to move to Lansing simply because, deep down, I knew with my Mother and Sister around there’d be someone close to help me get by. I then found all these people from my hometown and thought I’d be strong enough to move away from the family and moved down to Detroit. I’ve never been too shy to tell all these people how wonderful it’s been being surrounded by this “family” I’ve found. What I haven’t done is admit to myself the idea of how, during my present situation, I could have never made it this long without them. It is truly indescribable how vital to my own well being these people have been and continue to be. I can’t imagine what I’d do without them. They are my new parents, wife, family, and most important of all, they are my friends. True friends. Friends that I could have never imagined I’d be worthy of in my entire life. It doesn’t seem to bother them in the least that I’m still this totally unprepared child in an adult body and the love I feel from them, each and every day, is something I can’t see myself ever getting over.
The gratitude I owe to my parents, Shelly, the kids and all these people here is a gratitude that can never be repaid and I’m sorry for that. All I can really do is thank each and every one of you and hope that they know that this is truly from the heart. Thanks for helping me feel I have a “home” wherever I’ve been. I just can’t imagine anyone being as fortunate in these matters as I’ve been.
3 comments:
i would rather be considered a younger sister than parent-can ya fix that for me?
Take your blinders off. Gratitude is not an item to be "repaid". Friendship only works when it is give and take and you give so much of yourself to each of us.
I wandered in looking for an old friend. His name is Phil Mittleman and I worked for him for a year or so. I was a lost kid and working for him kept me safe. I've been away from Wyandotte for 40 years now - but some people I still miss. Anyway I happened by your blog and enjoyed the read.
It's tricky business "going home" -sometimes it works out and sometimes, well sometimes it's like wearing someone else's life. I'm glad you found welcome.
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