Simply In Awe

Not sure what’s made me feel the way I do today but I seem to be tearing up rather consistently. I’ve been thinking of some folks I know and the unbelievable strength they seem to show so effortlessly in the face of things I can’t even imagine. Today I sit in wonder at the incredible courage these people have shown.

A little over a year ago my oldest brother Steve was diagnosed with Liver cancer. I’ve never been so close to something like this happening to someone related to me and, obviously, it sent my world into quite the tizzy. I wrote a number of things about everything Steve went through and have noted the amazing strength and attitude he shared with the world during the entire ordeal. I sit in awe of what I saw in him throughout it all and am very thankful that he’s cancer free and he and his new Liver are doing wonderfully. I can’t help it; I get choked up every time I think about it.

Recently, while I was out in California, I wrote a story about my friend Mac who lost his wife in a terrible auto accident that he witnessed. I spent a few hours with him while there and, once again, stood in wonder at the strength he exhibited while talking to me. It’s truly a wonder to see and hear him have the ability to talk and kid around about anything and everything and not just fall apart. I sit in awe of him.

Even more recently than that is what my friend Ellen and her family are going through. I don’t know all the details but suffice it to say that after major invasive surgery, Ellen is now a two-time cancer survivor. This one is probably closer to me than either of the other two even though Steve is my Brother. I live near Ellen and see her on a regular basis. We have a semi regular dinner date with another friend on Thursday nights when we can get the time to get together.

When Steve got sick, Ellen, who I was just starting to know at the time, sent me a note that literally told me every emotion I would feel and in what order. She also let me know that those feelings I had were totally expected and to not be ashamed of them. I got a lot of strength from that note and a really great friendship has developed over the little more than a year that has passed since that time. Ellen is also partly responsible for getting me out of my house on a regular basis. I couldn’t count the number of notes passed or online chats we had while I was doing my little freak out at the thought of going out and socializing.

I’ve always had a hard time understanding how others could feel about me in ways that I can’t even feel about myself. I’ve written on numerous occasions about my lack of understanding how and why people seem to like me. Issues I’ve always had and am constantly working on. Ellen “got” that. She didn’t just laugh it off and tell me I was crazy to think that way. Ellen always let me know the how’s and the why’s of the things that people liked about me and never made me feel as if I was just along for the ride. I became an integral part of whatever group I was in and that never would have happened without my knowing this woman I’m in such awe of today.

So, today I sit in my chair thinking of these three people that have each had a major influence on my life and I somehow find a little lesson in it all. I’m not real sure how to articulate the lesson but it’s got something to do with the idea of seeing the strength in others and relating it to how they’ve affected your life. Three people that have, at one time or another, had an impact on me, mentors, if you will. It makes me proud to know that I’ve noticed something in these folks that made me want to be around them and then it’s almost like a payoff when I see how incredible they really are. Almost like I was right in wanting to be around them. Granted, Steve is my brother but we’re also friends and that’s not always the case with siblings.

So this feeling I’ve got today is not one of sadness. It’s more of a pride in knowing some people that I feel honored to have in my life. I just happen to cry a little when I’m really proud.