What If?

What if I wasn’t the youngest of four kids? If I were say, the oldest, the second or third child in the family. How much would that have changed what and where I am at this very moment? Maybe I would have been a better student, role model, mentor to my siblings. I’d like to think that I would be all that and more. I often wonder if any little thing that has happened in my life were tweaked, just a touch, the difference it would have made in my life.

Let’s say I was more outgoing. Now those that know me think I’m very gregarious. What most don’t realize is how incredibly uncomfortable I actually am in any kind of group. If I were this social being that went to parties and were able to socialize comfortably in the “party” type settings, where would I be today? I think it goes without saying that my circle of friends and acquaintances would be much larger. Along with that comes the idea of changes in the relationships I’ve had and the different ones I would have possibly enjoyed.

Maybe I would have been a better student. Of course the possibilities are endless with that. Let’s say I went to college and even grad school. Obviously the career path would be different. Be it business, law or even medicine. The possibilities of course are endless. Obviously the social crowd would have been much different simply because I would have been in different places and among others in whatever it would have been that I was doing.

I wonder if baseball would have still been my first true passion? I’ve always thought that it was sort of a sign of intelligence to be as into the game as much as I am. That sounds kind of weird but you can’t be an idiot and get into the stats and understand the little intricacies that I believe I do. That’s not to say that you’re an idiot if you’re not into it as much as others or at all. I think you know what I mean.

So let’s say I became some sort of social animal. Pretend I wasn’t afraid of intimate relationships. I often wish that I could go out and “pick up” women and be the object of their attention as well. Obviously, if that were the case, my entire being would be completely changed. My marriage to my ex would probably never have happened. The kids would be different and odds are I wouldn’t know any of you guys out there. We may have crossed paths at some point but who’s to say if anything would have come of it.

I don’t think there has been a day in my life that I haven’t thought about such things. I can also say that I’ve wished for these things to have happened. I then get a phone call or email from one of you or one of the kids calls or sends me a text and I just can’t imagine what I’d do without you. It’s those moments that I tell myself I’m right where I’m supposed to be.