So Long My Friend

My friend died today. No, not really my friend, my brother died today. Well, see, he wasn’t really my brother either. What is true is there was a time in my life when I thought there would never be time when he wouldn’t be a major part of my life. I do not remember ever not knowing him.

Ronnie and his brother Buzzie, real name Brian, lived next door to me from my first memories until I was either three or four. They and their Mother lived with their Grandmother. Ronnie was David’s age and Buzzie, mine.

After they moved away we would see them most weekends, as they would come to visit their Grandparents. As we got older and my family moved away I may have seen them another two or three times and that was it.

I was relatively well informed about their lives over the years because Karen is still very good friends with their Aunt and they would stay in touch on a regular basis. I was told things like when Ronnie joined the Navy and when he got out and things like that. I heard, a number of years ago, that Ronnie had cancer. I then heard, later, that he was alright and things were going much better for him.

I last saw Ronnie at my sisters wedding. He came as the guest of his Aunt. He sat at our table and we talked a bit. I feel pretty bad about it now because I don’t really remember what we talked about. I think he was divorced and he may have had kids. It was nice to see him. Though we hardly knew each other we still had that memory of childhood. That memory of thinking we’d be around each other forever. The feeling that we’d also be alive forever.

We all know that last statement is the biggest misconception we have as kids. The cancer came back and the poor guy had been fighting it and fighting it until he just couldn’t fight any more. I don’t know what type of cancer Ronnie had or any idea what he went through these last few years and I’m not proud of that. I know that as a child of three or four he was the toughest guy I knew. I have the feeling he was just as tough in this final battle he went through.

This is the first death, for me, that’s in my peer group. One of “my gang” I guess you could say. I suppose these things will become more and more common as I get older. I find it kind of strange that the first to die was also the first I knew.

I don’t know if I can really call Ronnie a friend but I will. I’m also not sure about calling him my brother, but I will. Of course my thoughts are with his Mother, Father and the rest of the family. I’ll definitely be going to the Funeral and I’m sure it’ll be really strange but I think all of us are going to go so that’ll help.

Of course I now have the regrets of not talking to him more than I did at the wedding and not calling when I heard he was sick again. I hope he understood. I miss him already and I hardly even knew him. I know there’s guilt about that too.

So Ronnie, rest easy my brother. You don’t have to fight anymore. You deserve the break. I’m sorry I didn’t know you better but life does that to people. I did know you well enough to call you my friend and I’m all the poorer for it today because I’ve lost my friend today.