One of these days I’ll figure out what it is about Holidays that I find, I don’t know, maddening. It’s the day after Thanksgiving and I’m finding myself actually getting upset about it. I find it so hard to articulate what the feelings are, but they’re always there. It’s almost like a jealousy thing. I find myself almost more bothered by the fact that everyone else is enjoying the season than by the idea of the Holidays themselves.
I have to tread lightly in what I’m trying to say so as not to offend anyone here and I don’t want anyone to think I don’t enjoy the time I spend with family and friends. I’ve always had a hard time understanding why we have, in the case of Thanksgiving, one day where we are “thankful”. Seriously, do we really need to be reminded to be thankful, if that’s what you are, for what we have? It just seems so, I don’t know, contrived sometimes. I know, it’s always a good thing to be reminded but seriously, it seems that we’re more interested in the Black Friday deals than we are in the Holiday anyway, so why not just pick any day during any month and have a nice meal with family and friends? I know, most of us already do that; it’s called having a social life. See? This is why it’s so exhausting being me. All day yesterday, these were the thoughts going through my head.
Yesterday, as I sat in my chair, knowing I’d be heading up to Karen’s in a short while, I started having one of my typical panicky moments. I actually broke out in a sweat at the thought of having dinner with those closest to me. How ridiculous is that? What harm could possibly happen to me by what the day held?
My nephew called with an extra ticket to the Lions game and I quickly accepted. Of course going to a Thanksgiving game is cool and the drive, first to the stadium and then to Lansing, was something I looked forward to. I think the drive helps me in situations like this. I downloaded a number of episodes of “This American Life” onto the phone and listened to one on the way to the game and another two going to Lansing. Getting caught up in what I’m listening to doesn’t afford the time to dwell on the whole social thing facing me when I get to my destination. Of course dinner and family were wonderful, always is. I just have such a hard time convincing myself of that before the fact.
Tonight is that Bar Night thing I wrote about last year. Hundreds of folks from my High School gather at a local venue and have an all class reunion if you will. I’ve known about it for months and, though slowly, I’ve become more and more nervous about it as the time gets closer. I want to go. I want to see everyone. I wish I could just close my eyes and be in the middle of the place, surrounded by everyone instead of spending the day knowing that I am going there. In this case, I know that the juice is worth the squeeze. The squeeze is just so painful sometimes that I just want to hide myself in a closet and never be found. I’m working today and by the time I get off the shindig will have already started. I simply dread the ride to the venue; it’s too short a distance to entrance myself in a radio show. I want to just blink my eyes and, you know…
1 comment:
Very nicce!
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