More Complex Than It Seems

There are numerous problems that arise when someone writes the way I do. The blog has gotten more personal as my thoughts have focused more and more on the life I’ve lived and all the issues and challenges, real or imagined, that I’ve dealt with. I’ve pretty much laid out, for public review, everything I think and more importantly, I believe, how I feel. I have never hidden anything about myself to whomever feels the urge to read, and or comment about who or what I’m about. I’ve written about why I write, about how when I have any kind of stress or pressure I have an absolute need to write.

I’ve introduced my family, friends, and even my ex wife to the readers of this blog and I’ve never had any reason to ever believe I would feel the way I do right now. I’ve run into something that I simply can’t be completely honest about and I don’t know what to do about that. I’ve run into this dilemma that has not only confused me but has shaken me to my very core and I’m screaming inside to let it out and I don’t know how to go about doing that.

The reason I am so conflicted is because the things that have literally knocked me on my ass have not only happened to me, but to family members as well and I could never take the liberty of putting their private life up for public inspection. I truly could not care less about what others think of me after reading the things I write about myself. Of course I enjoy it when others say nice things about something I’ve done but even if they all thought I was completely off my rocker, I’d still keep writing the same way I always have. I cannot, however, assume that others involved in certain things feel the same way.

I have truly never run across this type of situation, when it comes to my writing and it’s leaving me with no real release and that’s truly not a good thing. I need to write my screams, my fears, my laughter and even my tears, yet if I did, others in my family may feel hurt or embarrassed by it. I will say that everyone is as well as can be expected and we’re all hoping things only get better but it isn’t going to happen overnight. This is really going to take some time and my emotional release for the last four years or so has been this blog. I don’t know how much of a release I can get by censoring myself. Some serious thought and reflection needs to go into this. Trust me, it’s not as simple as just not posting, if it were there’d be no issue at all.