Lets Go Crazy

“Don't arrange to have me sent to no asylum
I'm just as sane as anyone
It's a just a game I play for fun –
for fun.”

It’s a weird thing, mental illness. I’m sure I suffer from it in some ways. Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying here. I’m fine. Sure I get down and I think too much but that’s all right. I probably do more thinking out of boredom than anything else. I’m not going anywhere and I’m certainly not going to ever do anything to hurt myself. I’m way past that kind of thinking. It was many years ago that I came to an understanding with myself to just deal with whatever happens. I may hide and not talk about whatever it is that bothers me but that’s just how I deal with it.

I think the worst thing about dealing with any kind of mental issue is if you’re only suffering from it part of the time. When I get down and start thinking about the strange things one thinks about in these times, there’s always that voice in the back of my head saying, “all right idiot, get over it and move along”. It must be horrible for those that still have that voice of logic in their heads but it’s not strong enough to pull them back. To know that you’re not right and to not have the strength to bring it back must be so painful to that person.

I’ve been in retail for what seems like a million years and I’ve seen my share of strange individuals. I always would wonder about the ones that were way out there. Do they have any idea that they’re lost? Do they remember what it was like to see things in a normal fashion? There used to be a woman that shopped in Rancho Bernardo, where I worked, that would come into the store, buy some liquor and head to the bathroom and proceed to drink the entire bottle of whatever she had bought. She would invariably pass out on the restroom floor and we would have to wake her to get her to go home when closing time came. There was a time that she was blocking the door after she passed out and when someone opened the door they cracked her head open with it. We had to call an ambulance and understandably, there was a huge scene.

I bring this story up because this woman would still shop at the store even after scenes like this. She would act as if nothing happened and would just go along her way. I would wonder if she remembered what had happened or it was just a blank. She’d shop in the store with her husband and the two would act as if nothing ever happened. That always amazed me. Was she just nuts or was this something the two of them would just choose to ignore.

I was talking to a guy at work today and he was telling me about his mother. She suffers from dementia and does not remember anything. What she does know is that she has dementia. That’s just got to be so painful for her. I know that if I were that bad off I would hope that I didn’t even realize that I had a problem. Sure it must be horrible for the loved ones but aren’t we more concerned about the victim? I don’t know why but I really find this to be a fascinating subject. I always wonder if the ill know they’re ill.