"Dear God"

Dear God,
I really don’t want to bother you but I’m just baffled by the way you work. I’ve never been a follower let alone a true believer and I’ve hit a stage in my life where I’m almost looking for that something that people always talk about. You know, all those unanswered questions about life and things like that.

Of course there are the basics, things like why bad things happen to good people, but those types of questions are too general. In order for me to buy into the whole concept I need specifics. The idea that the Middle East has been at war practically since day one makes no sense to me or anyone else for that matter. How can one allow so many deaths of innocent people in your name? I don’t have to tell you how many children have died in this region over the years. How could you allow this to happen? I’m just asking.

It’s almost two years now since the great tsunami in Indonesia. Once again, the amount of senseless damage and death is astounding. What, did we just need a quick cleansing? 229,866 people lost. Of course you would know how many of those were kids. Was there a point to any of this? I’m just asking.

I think I’ll take this to a more personal level. Being a Jew, I was taught that the Jewish people were your chosen people. I must ask, chosen for what? Ever since the beginning of time the Jewish people have been persecuted for no other reason than the simple fact that they were Jews. It just doesn’t make sense. Again I ask why? If we are the chosen, as all who believe in the Judeao Christian god believe, how could you let your chosen be treated so poorly? No offense, I’m just asking.

I’ve spent my life being looked down upon, pitied and even vilified for not believing in this almighty higher power and I keep wondering what I’m missing. I find myself getting angry sometimes with those that do believe in you and I know I shouldn’t. To each his own and all that. Those that believe in you can be some of the most sincere people I’ve ever met and of course there are those that use your name to further their own cause, financially and for other different types of personal gain. I would like to think that if there is this judgment day that people speak of, that people of such character would get what they deserve. I would also hope that in the case of children things would be like the movie, “Defending Your Life” where kids get an automatic pass to heaven with no judgment whatsoever. I’d like to believe these things but I just haven’t seen anything here to allow myself to.

I don’t know if one could call me an atheist. I guess that this essay alone makes me more of an agnostic. My understanding of the word agnostic is one who questions the belief in a higher power, which is what I’m doing here. Like I said before, I’m just asking.