“Don't arrange to have me sent to no asylum
I'm just as sane as anyone
It's a just a game I play for fun –
for fun.”
It’s a weird thing, mental illness. I’m sure I suffer from it in some ways. Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying here. I’m fine. Sure I get down and I think too much but that’s all right. I probably do more thinking out of boredom than anything else. I’m not going anywhere and I’m certainly not going to ever do anything to hurt myself. I’m way past that kind of thinking. It was many years ago that I came to an understanding with myself to just deal with whatever happens. I may hide and not talk about whatever it is that bothers me but that’s just how I deal with it.
I think the worst thing about dealing with any kind of mental issue is if you’re only suffering from it part of the time. When I get down and start thinking about the strange things one thinks about in these times, there’s always that voice in the back of my head saying, “all right idiot, get over it and move along”. It must be horrible for those that still have that voice of logic in their heads but it’s not strong enough to pull them back. To know that you’re not right and to not have the strength to bring it back must be so painful to that person.
I’ve been in retail for what seems like a million years and I’ve seen my share of strange individuals. I always would wonder about the ones that were way out there. Do they have any idea that they’re lost? Do they remember what it was like to see things in a normal fashion? There used to be a woman that shopped in Rancho Bernardo, where I worked, that would come into the store, buy some liquor and head to the bathroom and proceed to drink the entire bottle of whatever she had bought. She would invariably pass out on the restroom floor and we would have to wake her to get her to go home when closing time came. There was a time that she was blocking the door after she passed out and when someone opened the door they cracked her head open with it. We had to call an ambulance and understandably, there was a huge scene.
I bring this story up because this woman would still shop at the store even after scenes like this. She would act as if nothing happened and would just go along her way. I would wonder if she remembered what had happened or it was just a blank. She’d shop in the store with her husband and the two would act as if nothing ever happened. That always amazed me. Was she just nuts or was this something the two of them would just choose to ignore.
I was talking to a guy at work today and he was telling me about his mother. She suffers from dementia and does not remember anything. What she does know is that she has dementia. That’s just got to be so painful for her. I know that if I were that bad off I would hope that I didn’t even realize that I had a problem. Sure it must be horrible for the loved ones but aren’t we more concerned about the victim? I don’t know why but I really find this to be a fascinating subject. I always wonder if the ill know they’re ill.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
The Child Inside
I have always been accused of not taking things seriously when others feel it’s warranted. This has been an issue for others ever since I can remember. I would often get in trouble in school for making a joking comment in the middle of a class or clowning around in the back of the room. I would usually get let off the hook by teachers who knew that I meant no harm and it was just something to help me get through the day
As I was growing up I felt I was on par maturity wise with people my own age. Getting older though, that has most certainly changed. It seems that the older my age group got the bigger the gap became between them and I. I like to refer to it as the “stick in the ass syndrome”. It seems that after a great many of us lost touch with each other I continued along my toys r us ways and many others had a huge pole inserted into their ass. They became our parents. The way they speak and act has me convinced that I missed the boat on this one. So many of my old school mates actually have accents now that have nothing to do with where we grew up. They speak as if their names were Buffy and Thad.
Priorities seem to be the biggest difference between them and I. Many of them do nothing but work and attend dinners and conventions that show them how to work even harder and earn even more. Me? I work in a grocery store and spend my free time looking for things to laugh at. Don’t get me wrong, I take a great deal of life very seriously, I just look for things to soften the blows. It’s like the old saying, “If I wasn’t laughing, I’d be crying”. I am so bothered by the things I see and do in daily life that if I didn’t find things to laugh about I’d probably have to be committed.
I have been accused of being incredibly immature and I’m ok with that. It’s this child inside that lets me get through each and every day. I think that what happens, as we grow older, we lose that child. I, for one, have never been able to shake him. Truth be told, I hope I never do. It’s this child that allows me to have, what I consider, a great sense of humor. It’s this sense of humor that, in part, is what makes most of you want to still be in touch with me. It’s like I’m still a little kid sometimes and it’s always fun to get a youngsters outlook on things.
I hope you all enjoy that outlook enough to never allow that stick to completely impale your lives. I know that I am on one end of the spectrum but my hope is that you all find that mid point. If not, and you’re way over on the other side, go to the local park by yourself and get on the swing. Start swinging and just think. I used to do my best thinking on the swing. There was a time that this was all I needed to be content. Once in awhile it’s good to just be content.
As I was growing up I felt I was on par maturity wise with people my own age. Getting older though, that has most certainly changed. It seems that the older my age group got the bigger the gap became between them and I. I like to refer to it as the “stick in the ass syndrome”. It seems that after a great many of us lost touch with each other I continued along my toys r us ways and many others had a huge pole inserted into their ass. They became our parents. The way they speak and act has me convinced that I missed the boat on this one. So many of my old school mates actually have accents now that have nothing to do with where we grew up. They speak as if their names were Buffy and Thad.
Priorities seem to be the biggest difference between them and I. Many of them do nothing but work and attend dinners and conventions that show them how to work even harder and earn even more. Me? I work in a grocery store and spend my free time looking for things to laugh at. Don’t get me wrong, I take a great deal of life very seriously, I just look for things to soften the blows. It’s like the old saying, “If I wasn’t laughing, I’d be crying”. I am so bothered by the things I see and do in daily life that if I didn’t find things to laugh about I’d probably have to be committed.
I have been accused of being incredibly immature and I’m ok with that. It’s this child inside that lets me get through each and every day. I think that what happens, as we grow older, we lose that child. I, for one, have never been able to shake him. Truth be told, I hope I never do. It’s this child that allows me to have, what I consider, a great sense of humor. It’s this sense of humor that, in part, is what makes most of you want to still be in touch with me. It’s like I’m still a little kid sometimes and it’s always fun to get a youngsters outlook on things.
I hope you all enjoy that outlook enough to never allow that stick to completely impale your lives. I know that I am on one end of the spectrum but my hope is that you all find that mid point. If not, and you’re way over on the other side, go to the local park by yourself and get on the swing. Start swinging and just think. I used to do my best thinking on the swing. There was a time that this was all I needed to be content. Once in awhile it’s good to just be content.
Exercise Schmexercise!
I hurt everywhere. Both physically and mentally. Every part of my body is in pain. From my toes all the way up to the few healthy hair follicles I have on my head. I have had an absolutely brutal day and I only added to it by doing something I have never liked to do.
I hate exercising. Yes, hate is such a strong word, but I really do. The idea of doing something to cause myself to get all sweaty and tired has never appealed to me. The other side of that are the obvious health benefits from exercising. I’m not getting any younger and have never really been in any kind of shape. As some of you may remember I was trying the yoga thing to sad but humorous results.
To begin with I had to work an overnight shift. I always get so down when I have to work overnight, I get no sleep the day before and find myself talking to myself the whole night while I’m working. The work is always very physical and I’ve never done well with heavy labor. So this morning when I got off work after 10 ½ hours I came home and tried to get some sleep. I woke after an hour and decided to take a drive. While driving I had this insane idea of trying to get in shape and maybe start taking care of myself. I, like the idiot I am, stopped and bought myself a bicycle. It’s a nice bike, I guess, like I’d know the difference.
Well I got home and watched a baseball game and then decided to use my new bike to go get the mail. Our mail boxes are a little over two miles from the house so I’d be taking a ride that would net me a little over four miles. Please understand, the weather in south Florida this time of year, is hot and humid. I mean really hot and humid. So I took this ride and after fighting off the urge to quit about half way to the mailboxes I got to my destination. Totally out of breath and sweating like crazy I got my mail and headed home.
Arriving home, feeling like death, my shirt looked like I was lactating. I jumped in the shower and thanked my stars for buying that shower message. I used it on my thighs and neck and felt well enough after the shower to actually talk myself into thinking that I felt good.
Well it’s now four hours later and I’m having a hard time getting off the bed. My legs feel like they’ve been hit by hammers and that feeling, as one might guess, makes it really hard to walk. I took Lucky out for a minute and had to make her wait for me in the lanai as I tried to get feeling back into my limbs. How, I ask, is this good for you? Don’t write to me and tell me my body needs to get used to it. The only thing my body needs to get used to is a message therapist. Preferably blond, with a Swedish accent.
I hate exercising. Yes, hate is such a strong word, but I really do. The idea of doing something to cause myself to get all sweaty and tired has never appealed to me. The other side of that are the obvious health benefits from exercising. I’m not getting any younger and have never really been in any kind of shape. As some of you may remember I was trying the yoga thing to sad but humorous results.
To begin with I had to work an overnight shift. I always get so down when I have to work overnight, I get no sleep the day before and find myself talking to myself the whole night while I’m working. The work is always very physical and I’ve never done well with heavy labor. So this morning when I got off work after 10 ½ hours I came home and tried to get some sleep. I woke after an hour and decided to take a drive. While driving I had this insane idea of trying to get in shape and maybe start taking care of myself. I, like the idiot I am, stopped and bought myself a bicycle. It’s a nice bike, I guess, like I’d know the difference.
Well I got home and watched a baseball game and then decided to use my new bike to go get the mail. Our mail boxes are a little over two miles from the house so I’d be taking a ride that would net me a little over four miles. Please understand, the weather in south Florida this time of year, is hot and humid. I mean really hot and humid. So I took this ride and after fighting off the urge to quit about half way to the mailboxes I got to my destination. Totally out of breath and sweating like crazy I got my mail and headed home.
Arriving home, feeling like death, my shirt looked like I was lactating. I jumped in the shower and thanked my stars for buying that shower message. I used it on my thighs and neck and felt well enough after the shower to actually talk myself into thinking that I felt good.
Well it’s now four hours later and I’m having a hard time getting off the bed. My legs feel like they’ve been hit by hammers and that feeling, as one might guess, makes it really hard to walk. I took Lucky out for a minute and had to make her wait for me in the lanai as I tried to get feeling back into my limbs. How, I ask, is this good for you? Don’t write to me and tell me my body needs to get used to it. The only thing my body needs to get used to is a message therapist. Preferably blond, with a Swedish accent.
“Wherever You Like Sweetie”
There’s this restaurant chain throughout the south called "The Waffle House". These little closet sized units serve, besides waffles, breakfasts of all types. I don’t even know if they serve sandwiches or any type of lunch but if they do they ought to be ashamed of themselves.
Walking into one of these hallways they call a restaurant I get a feeling of pure claustrophobia. Very tightly squeezed. There seem to be three or four employees working there and I’m told to sit “wherever you like sweetie”. Out of the six tables available, five still have dirty dishes on them and the last needs wiping down. I choose the one with no dishes. A look at the menu tells you they pride themselves on the way they make hash browns. You can get them plain, with cheese, with cheese and onions and with cheese onions and peppers. The waitress comes over and asks if I know what I’d like. Mind you the table is still dirty and it seems as if she has no intention of cleaning it.
I order the steak and eggs, the eggs over medium; I like to dip my toast into the yolk. . As I order I also ask for a cup of coffee and a dishtowel to wipe the table down with. As she leaves I start to read the paper and am surprised when she quickly returns with the coffee and towel. The best part of it is that she sets the coffee down, places my utensils wrapped in a napkin next to it and next to that, I kid you not, is the towel I asked for. As she leaves I can’t help but laugh. I’m just wondering if this is really happening. I commence wiping the table down and get it semi clean and set the towel at the edge of the table and continue to read the paper. I realize that most, if not all, people would get up and leave at this point but this is just too comical for me to leave. It’s like I can’t wait to see the end of this movie.
As she returned with my order I made a fascinating discovery. Did you know that you could make hard boiled eggs by frying them? Neither did I, however, these guys seem to have perfected the art. My eggs looked like little white blankets with a rubber ball inside. The steak? I wear insoles that look tastier. I’m not expecting a rib eye or anything like that but something that contains some sort of meat would be nice.
So I ate what I could and sat reading the paper for a while. Had a few refills of coffee and at one point the waitress asked if I was done with the dishrag that was still sitting on the table? Simply amazing. As she took it I couldn’t help but wonder if she found any of this odd or was this just a normal day at the “Waffle House?” Of course, me being who I am, I’ll have to come back and see. I think next time I’ll try the waffles.
Walking into one of these hallways they call a restaurant I get a feeling of pure claustrophobia. Very tightly squeezed. There seem to be three or four employees working there and I’m told to sit “wherever you like sweetie”. Out of the six tables available, five still have dirty dishes on them and the last needs wiping down. I choose the one with no dishes. A look at the menu tells you they pride themselves on the way they make hash browns. You can get them plain, with cheese, with cheese and onions and with cheese onions and peppers. The waitress comes over and asks if I know what I’d like. Mind you the table is still dirty and it seems as if she has no intention of cleaning it.
I order the steak and eggs, the eggs over medium; I like to dip my toast into the yolk. . As I order I also ask for a cup of coffee and a dishtowel to wipe the table down with. As she leaves I start to read the paper and am surprised when she quickly returns with the coffee and towel. The best part of it is that she sets the coffee down, places my utensils wrapped in a napkin next to it and next to that, I kid you not, is the towel I asked for. As she leaves I can’t help but laugh. I’m just wondering if this is really happening. I commence wiping the table down and get it semi clean and set the towel at the edge of the table and continue to read the paper. I realize that most, if not all, people would get up and leave at this point but this is just too comical for me to leave. It’s like I can’t wait to see the end of this movie.
As she returned with my order I made a fascinating discovery. Did you know that you could make hard boiled eggs by frying them? Neither did I, however, these guys seem to have perfected the art. My eggs looked like little white blankets with a rubber ball inside. The steak? I wear insoles that look tastier. I’m not expecting a rib eye or anything like that but something that contains some sort of meat would be nice.
So I ate what I could and sat reading the paper for a while. Had a few refills of coffee and at one point the waitress asked if I was done with the dishrag that was still sitting on the table? Simply amazing. As she took it I couldn’t help but wonder if she found any of this odd or was this just a normal day at the “Waffle House?” Of course, me being who I am, I’ll have to come back and see. I think next time I’ll try the waffles.
All Bow, The King Is Here!
As I sit out here on my lanai, I survey all that is my life. What have I accomplished, how have I treated not only those around me but strangers as well? I do know one thing that I do have that no one can ever take away. Something that I know I will carry with me to my death and never be ashamed of. I am the master of things that mean nothing. The consummate professional of that which has no real meaning. Yes, I am the King of all that is nothing
My Kingdom exists only in my head. It can only be seen in glimpses when a meaningless question comes my way, but don’t expect a good view, for as soon as the answer comes out the Kingdom goes back to its safe place waiting for its next inquirer or bit of useless info that the guards can come out and snatch before it goes away. I know more about nothing than anyone I’ve ever met. Friends and relatives often call or write me with questions about inane things that no one would care about because they know I’ll have the answer. This is my playing field and nobody can play on it better than I.
I don’t know how I developed this knack for knowing all there is to know about nothing, just a gift I guess. I’ve always been interested in current events and odd stories of all kinds but so are millions of others. There's obviously something that makes nothing stick in my head. I hear something major and I’ll remember just the basic gist of it but tell me something trivial and the date, time and every other detail about it sticks like glue. Why? Am I just that smart? I don’t think so. I think like all Monarchies this must be an inherited title. I’m sure there had to have been someone in past generations that bequeathed this Kingdom to me. I don’t recall any family wars or coups or anything like that so it must have been handed down. I’m a kind, benevolent Monarch, willing to share this gift with the world, nothing to fear here. Just don’t ask anything that may have meaning. Because, like I said, I am the King of all that is nothing.
My Kingdom exists only in my head. It can only be seen in glimpses when a meaningless question comes my way, but don’t expect a good view, for as soon as the answer comes out the Kingdom goes back to its safe place waiting for its next inquirer or bit of useless info that the guards can come out and snatch before it goes away. I know more about nothing than anyone I’ve ever met. Friends and relatives often call or write me with questions about inane things that no one would care about because they know I’ll have the answer. This is my playing field and nobody can play on it better than I.
I don’t know how I developed this knack for knowing all there is to know about nothing, just a gift I guess. I’ve always been interested in current events and odd stories of all kinds but so are millions of others. There's obviously something that makes nothing stick in my head. I hear something major and I’ll remember just the basic gist of it but tell me something trivial and the date, time and every other detail about it sticks like glue. Why? Am I just that smart? I don’t think so. I think like all Monarchies this must be an inherited title. I’m sure there had to have been someone in past generations that bequeathed this Kingdom to me. I don’t recall any family wars or coups or anything like that so it must have been handed down. I’m a kind, benevolent Monarch, willing to share this gift with the world, nothing to fear here. Just don’t ask anything that may have meaning. Because, like I said, I am the King of all that is nothing.
What’s It Really About?
So today we remember the most horrific terrorist attack in American history. I’m sure all of us can remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when we first found out about it. I know I will never forget the phone call I got from my wife at the time, very upset, and telling me to turn on the television.
I, of course, have some issues about our response to the attack and questions I think we should all think about. I, along with many others, am still trying to figure out what the war in Iraq has accomplished in finding and punishing the people responsible for the attack. After changing their reasons for going into Iraq more times than even the administration can remember, it seems they have stuck with the concept of the “world is a safer place without Sadam Hussein”. I must agree with them on that point. However, that doesn’t seem to be a reason this country invades another nation. If it were a valid reason why are we not in North Korea or Iran? Libya had, until the last few years, been a thorn in our side for ages. We hadn’t found it necessary to take Kadaffi out of power.
The next item I’d like to throw out there is where the hijackers came from. If 15 of 19 hijackers had come from North Korea, we would have thought we were being attacked by North Korea. The same can be said if these attackers were from Iran, Chile and any number of nations. 15 of the hijackers were from Saudi Arabia. Why are we not at war with them? It couldn’t be the close relationship the Bush family has with the Saudis could it? I’m sure that has absolutely nothing to do with it.
We’ve all heard the saying “pick your battles” I just think we picked the wrong one here. There are more than 2500 Americans dead in this war. Every day the Arab world is seeing films of Americans killing Arabs. If you think that’s going to help stop terrorism your nuts. It also seems we’ve forgotten all about Afghanistan. Isn’t that where we were told the leaders of the hijackers were? Why does the Taliban even exist anymore? During the last two years the only time Osama Bin Laden’s name has been mentioned seems to be to raise fear before the upcoming elections. I think we may have lost focus on the reasons we went to war in the first place. We were after the people who attacked our country. Can we at least make a cursory effort to accomplish that mission?
I, of course, have some issues about our response to the attack and questions I think we should all think about. I, along with many others, am still trying to figure out what the war in Iraq has accomplished in finding and punishing the people responsible for the attack. After changing their reasons for going into Iraq more times than even the administration can remember, it seems they have stuck with the concept of the “world is a safer place without Sadam Hussein”. I must agree with them on that point. However, that doesn’t seem to be a reason this country invades another nation. If it were a valid reason why are we not in North Korea or Iran? Libya had, until the last few years, been a thorn in our side for ages. We hadn’t found it necessary to take Kadaffi out of power.
The next item I’d like to throw out there is where the hijackers came from. If 15 of 19 hijackers had come from North Korea, we would have thought we were being attacked by North Korea. The same can be said if these attackers were from Iran, Chile and any number of nations. 15 of the hijackers were from Saudi Arabia. Why are we not at war with them? It couldn’t be the close relationship the Bush family has with the Saudis could it? I’m sure that has absolutely nothing to do with it.
We’ve all heard the saying “pick your battles” I just think we picked the wrong one here. There are more than 2500 Americans dead in this war. Every day the Arab world is seeing films of Americans killing Arabs. If you think that’s going to help stop terrorism your nuts. It also seems we’ve forgotten all about Afghanistan. Isn’t that where we were told the leaders of the hijackers were? Why does the Taliban even exist anymore? During the last two years the only time Osama Bin Laden’s name has been mentioned seems to be to raise fear before the upcoming elections. I think we may have lost focus on the reasons we went to war in the first place. We were after the people who attacked our country. Can we at least make a cursory effort to accomplish that mission?
Rob The Poor, Feed The Rich
I was originally going to write about the minimum wage law and how ridiculous it is when people say it’s unnecessary. I’ve had to change my topic a bit because while looking into it I found some of those great contradictions that I love in our two party system.
I find it funny when the right tells the country that government needs to stay out of people’s lives. That raising the minimum wage is just another example of government running those lives. American businesses should be able to decide what to pay their workers and politicians should simply stay out of the argument. The humor comes from the same politicians, at the same time, telling us that this very same government should be involved in creating legislation that prohibits gay marriage. Hmmm. Why be involved in one and not the other? Well in this case it’s easy to answer. The religious right contributes a great deal of money to the right wing and you never want to bite the hand that feeds you.
We can also look at the differing views on taxes. I realize that my opinion on this subject differs from most. I’ve never had a problem paying whatever I’m supposed to pay. However, I do have an issue with the way the right wants taxes to be paid. I don’t care what anyone says, the tax cuts brought on by the Bush administration has only helped the wealthy. It was proven in the eighties and it has proven itself again, trickle down economics simply do not work. It has made the gap between the upper and middle classes wider than ever. Look it up. You can’t even talk about the lower class without wondering how they eat at all.
This idea of not taxing dividends kills me. How does that not help only the rich? I have a decent amount of money in stocks and I receive dividends from some of them. The amount that I make off them doesn’t even put a dent in my tax bill. I say this to illustrate a point. You have to have a real amount of money in stocks to collect dividends large enough to mean something on your tax bill. Is it a surprise that the right is constantly railing about killing the dividend tax? Who would most benefit from this tax cut? Why it’s the same group that tends to donate to the campaigns of those who would most likely vote for the cut. Once again, a case of let’s get the government out of our lives. And once again this is the same party that then says we need to appoint more right-wingers to the Supreme Court in the hopes of someday overturning Roe V Wade, even though 70% of Americans support the right of a woman to choose. Look that up too.
I don’t know it just seems that they want it both ways, and if we’re not very careful, they’ll get it. Yes, I know, the dems are just as hypocritical but this is my soapbox and I decide what gets pointed out.
I find it funny when the right tells the country that government needs to stay out of people’s lives. That raising the minimum wage is just another example of government running those lives. American businesses should be able to decide what to pay their workers and politicians should simply stay out of the argument. The humor comes from the same politicians, at the same time, telling us that this very same government should be involved in creating legislation that prohibits gay marriage. Hmmm. Why be involved in one and not the other? Well in this case it’s easy to answer. The religious right contributes a great deal of money to the right wing and you never want to bite the hand that feeds you.
We can also look at the differing views on taxes. I realize that my opinion on this subject differs from most. I’ve never had a problem paying whatever I’m supposed to pay. However, I do have an issue with the way the right wants taxes to be paid. I don’t care what anyone says, the tax cuts brought on by the Bush administration has only helped the wealthy. It was proven in the eighties and it has proven itself again, trickle down economics simply do not work. It has made the gap between the upper and middle classes wider than ever. Look it up. You can’t even talk about the lower class without wondering how they eat at all.
This idea of not taxing dividends kills me. How does that not help only the rich? I have a decent amount of money in stocks and I receive dividends from some of them. The amount that I make off them doesn’t even put a dent in my tax bill. I say this to illustrate a point. You have to have a real amount of money in stocks to collect dividends large enough to mean something on your tax bill. Is it a surprise that the right is constantly railing about killing the dividend tax? Who would most benefit from this tax cut? Why it’s the same group that tends to donate to the campaigns of those who would most likely vote for the cut. Once again, a case of let’s get the government out of our lives. And once again this is the same party that then says we need to appoint more right-wingers to the Supreme Court in the hopes of someday overturning Roe V Wade, even though 70% of Americans support the right of a woman to choose. Look that up too.
I don’t know it just seems that they want it both ways, and if we’re not very careful, they’ll get it. Yes, I know, the dems are just as hypocritical but this is my soapbox and I decide what gets pointed out.
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