A Really Bad Month

Sometimes I feel like I’m just falling apart. I’ve never felt real highly of myself and lately with the job picture and financial situation it’s really smacking me around. Feeling as shitty as I always have about myself, I still always believed that things would work out for me. That feeling isn’t nearly as strong as it used to be and that scares me.

I feel like everything I have ever done wrong to anyone or anything in my life is all coming back to haunt me at once and I don’t think I have the strength to fight it all off. I wake up in the morning and I notice I’m shaking a little. There’s a cloud over my mind that has been raining for what seems like decades. I have no confidence in my abilities to do anything.

It used to be that when I applied for a job I would go in there feeling like they were lucky to have me. I don’t have that feeling anymore and I don’t know if I have the strength or know how to get it back. I have never been more afraid to get out of bed in my life because for the first time I really don’t know how this story ends.

Whatever friends or family reads this please know that this is in no way any kind of note to be overly concerned about. I’m not going to do anything to hurt myself, I’m just having a real bad month and it’s starting to feel like it’s gonna stay cloudy forever.