Just Take It Easy, Idiot!

What is it about this game that thrills me so? I’m down in the Detroit area hanging out with old friends and getting ready to go to the Tiger game tonight and I’m as excited as a kid at Christmas. Yeah, it’ll be great to see all the old friends that are going but, and I know this sounds horrible; I’m rather ambivalent about that. I can’t wait to get into the stadium.

From what I can gather there are about 20 of us going and it’ll be great fun I know. I, however, am sitting here wondering how rude it’ll be if I get a scorebook and keep track of each pitch like I normally do when I go to a game. We’ll see, I’m on my way…

Next day:

So we went to a restaurant in Greek town. There were four of us in the car I was in and we weren’t sure how big of a table to get. We told them that we could have up to 16 more people joining us but really didn’t know for sure. They were very accommodating and took us to a kind of banquet area with plenty of room for however many joined in on the festivities. They were very patient with us as more and more people arrived and they were fine with the separate bills. They really did a good job of taking care of us as a total 14 finally settled in. We had a nice meal and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.

I always have a problem around this time in any event I’m involved in. I am really weird about being on time to anything. I can safely say, barring a real oddity, I’m never late. As a matter of fact, I usually arrive to whatever place I’m going at least a half an hour early. With so many people in the group, still needing to buy tickets and everyone wanting to sit as close together as possible there was no way that we’d get to our seats on time. It was around 6:30 when we all left the restaurant and we had a good 10 or 15-minute walk to the stadium.

When the ball park came into view we saw that there were pretty long lines to get tickets and seeing that we wanted to sit together, well, the logistics started getting a little frustrating for me. So I’m standing there arguing with myself and telling myself to just calm down, it’s really not that big of a deal. I don’t know what it is but I just get really edgy in situations like this. I am so unorganized in everything I do except for times like these. Be it concerts or any sporting event, I don’t know, I just like everything to run smoothly and like to be in my seat well in advance of the start time.

Of course we got to our seats, though we missed the top of the first inning, and all sat close together. The weather was perfect, a nice breeze to balance the high temperature. I’m sure everyone, myself included, had a great time and for your average, normal person there could be no complaints. Well, this is me we’re talking about.

Here’s another incredibly ridiculous thing about how I am in times like this. This is baseball, a rather sacred ritual to me. This is my church as it were. I’m here to, I don’t know, do my daily meditation, relieve stress and sort of cleanse my soul. Being in a large group certainly doesn’t lend itself to that. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy myself, I did. It’s just that I couldn’t get into the game like I normally would. Whenever I’m out with any size group I always end up feeling that I should have had a better time, enjoy myself more. It’s one of many issues I’m working on. So I spent most of the game yelling at myself about trying to have a good time. I know if I’d just leave well enough alone, I’d have had the time of my life. Like I said, I’m workin on it.

Kinda Sucks

For the last couple of months I’ve been complaining about my left wrist. I noticed it aching one day and thought nothing of it. I’ve had tendonitis and things like it throughout my life and felt this was nothing more than that. As days passed it got progressively worse until one day when I couldn’t even button my pants because I couldn’t get my fingers to work properly.

Seeing as I don’t have a regular Doctor, I went to the local urgent care where they took some x-rays and told me I had some chips in one of the bones in there and told me to take an anti inflammatory and also gave me some Vicodin for the pain. I took the pain pills for a couple days and decided not to take any more as they didn’t seem to be doing any good. I started wearing a brace on the wrist to keep me from using it and that seemed to help. Instead of having good days and bad, I was having good moments and bad moments. I could be doing something, grabbing onto things and not have any problem. If I did the same thing again it would send a pain through my hand that would literally have me screaming in pain. Kinda sucked.

I ended up going back for more x-rays and they decided to send me for an MRI. The results from that showed problems with the ligaments in the wrist. Actually it’s the lack of said ligaments that seemed to concern them. They decided I needed to see an Orthopedic Surgeon. So that’s what I did.

Turns out I have a “condition” called some long medical name but the acronym for it is SLAC. The AC stands for advance collapse and the SL is the letters to the bone that’s having the problem. It seems that the ligament is too far-gone to repair so the Dr’s. want to do some surgery to fuse the bones in the wrist together. The Dr. said I could probably wait up to about a year to have the surgery.

The problem with having the operation at all is the recovery time. According to the Dr. after the operation there will be a splint on my arm for four weeks. After that they would put a cast on it for another eight weeks. That’s three months of recovery alone without even thinking about the rehabilitation of the muscles after the cast comes off. You have to figure another six to eight weeks of rehab just to get the wrist going again so we’re talking somewhere between five and six months of being without full usage of my arm.

How do people do that? I mean how can you just be out of commission for six months of your life? That’s the part I’m really struggling with. I don’t have disability insurance with my current employer so I obviously can’t take the time right now and I don’t know how long I can go without the surgery. It really does hurt and I’m not one that enjoys a daily dose of pain in my life.

So, there are a few more things thrown on the plate. Sometimes there’s just too many questions that need to be answered for one person to handle. Kinda sucks.

Memories Of Yesterday

One of the things that I’ve really enjoyed about the website Facebook.com is the ability to literally relive your youth. You can post pictures, and people do, of any part of your life. When the photos are of your youth it obviously rattles the memories of a great number of people. People are posting things from when they were in elementary school and these are, I believe, the coolest pics of all.

I love seeing those pictures of folks from their early years. The best ones of all are the class pictures. You can look at some of these from, say, first or second grade and just have a field day trying to identify everyone. Once you’ve identified these folks when they were kids the real fun begins. That’s when a couple things can take place.

The first is the obvious. Whatever happened to so and so? You see the kid that was the most popular kid in school and wonder. You also see the kids that were the freaks. You know, the ones that were different from the rest, the weirdo’s. With the availability of information that one has today you can find out about many of these kids. It’s pretty interesting to see how some have ended up. I won’t mention any names here but there was a kid that everyone in my school knew that, I’m sorry, but was just a freak. Major nerd. I remember kids, and I’m sure I was guilty of this too, making fun of him and picking on him on a regular basis. Well, someone sent me a link that showed me whatever happened to this major geek. He’s an executive for a major firm on out of New York and is obviously doing quite well. Look who’s having the last laugh now? Good for him.

The other side of those that you no longer know are the kids you are in contact with today. I’ve mentioned before of the friends from school I’m now in contact with. Seeing their pictures from our youth is also very satisfying. It’s pretty cool to see them as you remembered from way back when. I like to see the pics and try to remember what I thought of them back then and see how it compares to the way I see them now. It’s really something to see that one girl who was, at least to me, the prettiest girl in school and finding that, after all these years, she’s just as beautiful both on the inside and out. There’s also the girl that I was never close to but always liked. Met her right after I moved to Oak Park. As with everyone else I’m talking about we hadn’t spoken to each other in almost 30 years. Seeing her picture from back then and remembering the laughs we had, it’s no wonder that she’s now become someone who is easily one of my dearest friends.

Of course some of the kids didn’t fare as well as others, I do have some friends from back then who are no longer with us so the only memory I have is that of them as kids. I think that’s a good thing. Kids are always much cooler than adults.

Looking For A Hideaway

My original intent when I moved back to Michigan two years ago was to not only be near family but to also get myself out of the retail industry. Due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control, the business I found myself in simply went into the tank. The result of that, as stated in a few posts when it happened, was that I got laid off. When that happened I went back to what I know and found myself in retail once again. Not really where I want to be but pretty much the only thing I’m really qualified for.

As soon as I saw that I was going to be in retail again my old friend depression came for, what has become, his longest visit to date. As winter came I found myself feeling as grey as the sky on a daily basis. The job didn’t help either. The company I went to work for is one that’s in dire financial straights and have to run their business under those conditions that simply do not promote a satisfying career.

Those things, along with a number of other issues in my life have put me in a place that I find all too familiar. I feel boxed in with little hope of getting free. Like I said, it’s a familiar feeling, one I’ve had numerous times throughout my life. It’s a tough gig to not like yourself under normal conditions, it’s almost unbearable when you’ve given yourself so many reasons to feel that way.

Not all things are so bad. I’ve spoken so many times of the people I have reacquainted myself with since moving back here. Truly, one of the great joys of my life. I can’t imagine the thoughts that would surround me if I didn’t have all these folks to yap with on a regular basis. I find myself, on a daily basis, almost pinching myself to see if I’m actually awake. How else could I have found myself inserted into the lives of so many incredible people? And to think, they have actually allowed me to consider them my friends. It’s an amazing feeling and one I will hold dear to my heart for the rest of my days. It really is overwhelming at times.

Now I find myself reverting back to another thing I know best, running away. I’ve been offered a job with the company I worked for in Florida and it looks as if I’m going to take it. I know I’m letting a number of people down with this decision, myself included, and for that I truly apologize. I can’t explain why I do the things I do sometimes and in moments of clarity I often can’t believe how I’ve led my life. For those I’m disappointing, I ask for your forgiveness and beg for your understanding.

I do realize how strange this seems but I feel like if I don’t run something’s going to catch me. What? Who knows, but I’m deathly afraid of whatever it is. Actually, I probably do know what it is and I think it’s me. I don’t know, I kind of feel like if I run far enough away, maybe I won’t find me. See, the problem with finding myself will force me to make myself accountable for the things I do and I truly couldn’t handle that. So, odds are I’ll spend my life doing this, as I have repeatedly, on a regular basis. I’ve been doing this since my early 20’s and, as strange as it sounds, I don’t know any other way of living.

Trust me, I know how strange this is. I don’t think I’d understand someone who does these things. I will totally understand the thoughts of those that don’t stick with me. I just, I don’t know, it’s all I know and yes, people can change but I’m much too big of a coward to attempt something so noble. I hope all of you will still allow me to be a part of your lives as I treasure you more than I could ever explain. To my family, please, please try to understand. If you find that you do get it, maybe try to explain it to me.

The Funkiest Band In The Land

Went to see the “J. Geils band” in downtown Detroit last night. I gotta tell ya, I was pretty impressed. Here’s a band that got together some 40 years ago as a funk/blues type band and only became nationwide headliners near the end of their careers. They were, however, always incredibly popular in the Detroit area while I was growing up there. They recorded three live albums, all in Detroit and consistently sold out any concert they played there. This kind of thing happened all the time in Detroit for bands from the area but these guys are from Boston. They just had that little something that the kids in the area could identify with. What was that? Music to dance to, music to sing along to and music that always, in it’s roots, paid homage to the Motown sound.

I went to the show with a number of friends I hadn’t seen in years and it turned out to be much more than a typical reunion kind of night. One of the friends, coming in from L.A. rented a limo for the show and another guy got ahold of someone at the MGM casino that we all grew up with and he arranged to get us dinner at the place comped. There were six of us in the limo and there was, of course, plenty of alcohol for those that wanted it. So we had a nice ride down with lots of laughs and remembered stories. It was truly a good time.

We got to the theater and our seats were right at the bar, which again, was great for those that wanted it. I plopped myself right at the front of the table and was along the safety guard that stops folks from falling down the step that was the main floor. We were right behind the mixers for the show and I noticed that one guy had the set list taped on the soundboard so I was able to see what songs were going to be played and in what order. It was pretty cool.
The concert was, to say the least, special. Not only for us, the fans, but for the band as well. They’ve technically not been together for a number of years and have come together for just a few shows. They had one in Boston a couple months ago, they’re having two here in Detroit and one more in Boston. Peter Wolf, the lead singer said they weren’t doing a tour, just a thank you to, as he put it, our two hometowns. Needless to say, it gave the crowd the warm and fuzzies.

They played all the songs we expected them to play and Wolf did his normal running and jumping all over the place along with his consistent rap that predates today’s hip hop stars by about 40 years. It was a great time. The thing I found most incredible about the whole thing is that this guy is 62 years old. Yeah, he didn’t do all the things he used to do on stage but, seeing him dance, no way is he that old. My biggest problem throughout the night was my inability to clap my hands. I’ve torn some stuff up in my wrist and it hurts like crazy when I try. I just stood there pounding the metal bar in front of me with my good hand and my thumb is a bit swollen from that. Well worth it though.

I saw a number of folks there that I knew and a few I only knew from Facebook, seeing them was still like seeing old friends, like I have known them all along. It’s a good feeling and one I truly enjoy.

So after the concert the gang wanted to go back to MGM but I had a long drive in front of me so I grabbed one of the folks I saw there and asked him to drive me to my car. I ended up getting home at a little after two in the morning but that’s ok. To the friends I went with, if you’re reading this, thanks and how cool was last night? I missed you guys, great to see ya. The same goes for the band. Great to see ya.

Why Do People Lie

So I’ve mentioned on more occasions than I can remember that I’ve found so many folks from my youth on this here computer. I’ve said how wonderful it has been and just don’t know how I ever got through life without them all in my life. Well, the other side of how my life has gone is the stories of theirs. To hear their stories and be allowed into their confidence is something I’m very proud of.

There is however, one subject that has come up a number of times that, well, I just don’t get. Let me preface this one with this: I’ve never been one to date or “play the field” or anything even close. I was married for almost 16 years and was completely faithful to my wife and she to me. And that very subject is what today’s lecture is all about.

So many of the women I’ve either had email, instant chat or personal conversations with have let me in on their pasts, and for that I’m grateful. A number of them have told me about their marriages, families and more. One thing that has come up far too many times is how infidelity ha infected their lives. I’m not talking about just the male doing the deed either. I used the word infected for a reason.

I look at the process of cheating in a relationship to be like a cancer in it. You know, once it starts it either spreads or just sits and festers into something that destroys more than the relationship but lives as well.

In any relationship there is a certain amount of trust. Once that trust is broken, I just don’t see how it can ever be repaired. I know I’m quite naïve about this kind of stuff but if I had found out that Shelly had cheated on me it would have simply destroyed me. I truly believe the same can be said if the shoe was on the other foot too.

That’s the part that I really don’t get. If you’re not happy in your situation, well, get out. Why cause the pain and humiliation to someone that at some point you cared very deeply about? Granted, I’ve never even been close to having the opportunity to do something like this but I just don’t see how it’s possible to look your partner in the eye after violating one of the most sacred trusts there could be.

I’d really like some input on this from you guys. If you’ve either been the victim, or the one who strayed. You don’t have to leave your name, just post to the blog anonymously. If you send me a note about it and I know who you are, I promise that your identity will never leave my head. It’s just something that has been in my head for ages and I’d really like to try to wrap my arms around it.

Thanks for indulging me once again.

They Are Family

A friend of mine’s cat died the other day. The cat was 16years old so it’s not like it was a major shock but my friend was, as most can understand, quite devastated by the loss of a very good friend. I get that.

I’ve never understood people who say they don’t like animals. I mean, I’m not saying everyone should have a dog or a cat but to me at least, the dogs I’ve had throughout my life have always been a part of my family. The dog that currently takes care of me has truly been a remarkable friend to me over the years. I’ve stated on numerous occasions how much Lucky has helped me stay on an even keel since I went out on my own again after my divorce.

Lucky adopted my family way back in 1999. We saw her at the Escondido animal shelter and were told that she was about a year and a half old and was already housebroken. We were looking at a few others and after spending some time deciding, we took Lucky home. I remember the first night we had her home. We had stopped at the store and got one of those big rawhide bones for her. It was a pretty large one as she’s a Siberian husky mix and was already full-grown. We gave it to her as soon as we got her in the house and she proceeded to lie on the floor and didn’t leave that spot until the entire thing was gone. She was obviously nervous and used the bone for comfort. The funny thing is, she’s never liked one since. She’s never really been a dog that liked toys.

They told us at the shelter that they called her Lucky because, like most Husky’s, she runs away when given the opportunity. We spent a week or two deciding if we were gonna keep the name when the decision was made for us. One night an electrical fire started at the shelter we got her from and a hundred or so animals were killed. It was just tragic. After the incident, Shelly and I found it quite easy to keep the name Lucky as it fit much too well.

I don’t think I’ve ever known a dog that has been so content with her life. Her only vice is to be loved. She adores all people, women more than men though. She’s also had to live with all kinds of animals, birds, a turtle, numerous cats and other dogs throughout the 10 plus years I’ve had her. Each time a new animal is introduced she just takes it in stride. No biggie, just love me kind of thing. She has run away a number of times but always comes home. While living in Florida she jumped into the lake behind the house and was just swimming around. No big deal but there are Alligators in the lakes down there. She got out before anything could happen but it brings up another of her loves.

Lucky is a huge fan of water. We lived in a house in California for a little over a year that had a built in pool. Lucky would go out back and just walk down the steps into the water till she was about neck deep. She’d proceed to just stand there for what seemed like hours. It was kind of a drag because it takes forever to dry her off. Her fur is like lambs wool under her topcoat.

When I got divorced. Like most cases, my wife got most everything and I got the dog. We packed up the car and traveled around the country for about a month before landing in Naples. She’s a great traveler. Just open the window when she asks and she’s fine. I actually love driving with her most of the time. Especially since the divorce I like to get lost in my thoughts when driving and she doesn’t talk too much and honestly never asks questions so she’s a great partner when it comes to the car.

She’s also really easy to have in hotels. I never have to worry about her messing things up. She doesn’t use the floor as a toilet and has never chewed up anything that she wasn’t supposed to. I like the easiness of life with her. She really is a great friend. I know it goes both ways too. She’s let me know when it’s getting too late to be downstairs and time to go to bed. She’ll start whining and pacing and if I stand up she walks to the stairs to head up to the bedroom. Funny, she rarely goes up unless I’m with her.

One more thing about Lucky. She doesn’t bark, never has. I mean she’ll whine and cry a bit but Maegan had to teach her to “speak” after we had her for a couple years and it’s still more of a whine than a bark. Once in a blue moon she’ll actually bark and it freaks everybody out simply because they’ve never heard that kind of noise come out of her. It’s nice to not have a dog barking every time someone comes to the door, it really is.

Lucky’s about 11 and a half years old now, old for a dog of her type and size, and I often think about how much longer he has. I don’t like thinking about it as it brings a pall around me that’s not very comfortable. I know that part of life is death but also know that I will be just as devastated when her time comes as my friend is with the loss of her cat. It breaks my heart to know that my friend is going through this and wish more than anything that I could do something to help her. Like I said at the top, I get that.