Pretty Perfect

I’m up at Torch Lake for Memorial Day weekend at my Sisters place. She and Bob have a really nice setup out here. There are three cottages on the property. One three bedroom, a two bedroom and a single bedroom which allows any of their invited guests plenty of privacy if needed. I’m sitting out on the dock overlooking this amazing body of water. You should really look it up on the web. It’s right up there with the best of them.

The water is cold as hell so I can’t really get in. I tried to put my feet in earlier and almost had a coronary. The clouds are starting to roll in and it’s blocking, what was, a wonderful warmth given off by the sun that was sort of hypnotizing. I was the only one out here for quite a while but a group of six people split evenly among children and adults just came down to look at the water. It always amazes me when kids just walk into the water, no matter how cold it is, and act as if they’re in the middle of the Caribbean Sea. Adults, on the other hand, are barely able to put a toe in without freaking out completely.

I’m sitting out at the end of the dock in a little beach chair I took out of the shed just looking out across the lake. I have the IPOD in and it’s playing random songs in no particular order. It’s pretty cool how sometimes things just fall into place. It’s so peaceful right now, the water is hardly moving. It’s incredibly quiet and calm and Rod Stewart’s version of “Country Comfort” just started to play in my ears. It just fits.

There’s a guy on a one man Kayak standing straight up about one hundred yards away from me. He’s got a paddle that’s barely touching the water. He seems to hardly be moving. As he gets closer I wonder if he’s feeling what I’m feeling right now. I just yelled out to him, “Pretty perfect huh?” he responded with, “It doesn’t get any better.” I think he gets it. As he gets even closer I notice that he’s not on a kayak at all, it’s a surfboard. He’s just floating. Pretty perfect.

These are the moments, however fleeting, that you need to take stock of. It’s literally no more than 30 seconds in length. It’s that one flash in time where everything falls into place. It’s important that you take a picture of it in your mind and put it away to use at a later date. I’ve got about 10 or so stored up and they all involve being near the water. I don’t know if when I find myself in that certain moment I lose one I had in my past, I hope not. They happen so seldom but it’s such an amazing feeling that I really want to save them all for as long as I can.

I Love My Flip-Flops

When Maegan and I first left California to move to Florida back in 2005 we drove north to Michigan to see family before heading to my new home, Maegan flew back to California from Michigan. Anyway, while in the Detroit area, I would hang out with old friends and eat at all the old haunts and things like that.

I also did a bit of shopping for shorts and shirts and anything else to give me that Caribbean feel. I bought a number of those Hawaiian type shirts, you know, the real loud ones with flowers on them that old fat guys like me wear while on vacation. I figured with my new life and all I’d start to wear them all the time. Just to give me that relaxation feel. Kind of like the little umbrellas in drinks that I spoke so fondly of in a previous post.

Something else I bought while in Michigan back then was a pair of flip-flops. I have never had a pair before. I did own a few pair of sandals out in California but never wore them much. I figured that while in Florida I’d need something to slip on and off at the beach so what the hell, they were only $3.00. Let me tell you, the best investment I think I’ve ever made.

I love my flip-flops. While in Florida I would wear them whenever I wasn’t working. I’d go to breakfast, lunch or dinner in them. I’d wear them with shorts or jeans. It didn’t matter. When slipped on I would get that “on vacation” feeling and it would make it easier to relax. They were always at the door to the apartment and when I’d go anywhere I’d just slip em on. The same held true when we moved into the house down there.

When we moved to Michigan I wore them throughout the summer and into the fall for as long as I could. Once it was too cold I started using them as a sort of bath slipper when I would get out of the shower. Still do.

When I came down to Florida for this little vacation I’m on I made sure I packed them as I wore my gym shoes to the airport and on the plane. Once I got to my brothers house I unpacked and put the flip-flops on and I noticed yesterday that they are all I’ve worn since then. I’ve gone out to eat, to the beach and to movies. I’ve sat around reading, writing and watching television and the whole time I’ve either got the flip-flops on or right next to the chair for when I get up.
I’ll probably have to wear my regular shoes on Tuesday because we’re going to a play but that will be the only time during the entire eight days down here that they will be on my feet. Until then though no shoes or socks required.

I can’t wait for spring to hit in Michigan so I can start the cycle up there. It’s nice to come home from work and literally “slip” into something a little more comfortable. I like the tan lines that form on my feet. I like how light my feet are when wearing them. I love my flip-flops.

Right Place At The Right Time

At the beach pretty early today. I left my brothers around 6:30 am or so and got down here, after stopping for coffee, around 8:45. It’s so early that I have my beach chair with it’s back to the water as I want to face the sun. I figure I’ll sit here till around 11:00 or so then I’m meeting a friend for lunch. I think we’ll go to the “Olive Garden". Pretty high falutin I know but what the hell, you only live once.

I’m the only one with a little “camp-site” so far. Everyone else is out here this early only to walk or jog along the beach. Now why would you ruin a perfectly good day at the beach by doing anything but nothing?
I stopped reading my book and got the IPOD out and I think I’ll go stand in the water and listen to some music. I’ll put on “The Who”, “Who’s Next”. Pretty cool concept, hearing “Baba O’Riley” with your feet in the Gulf.

Something happened out there. I listened to the entire album while just watching the water and the things surrounding it. I had my feet in the sand at the waters edge and as the music played it was almost as if nature decided to put on a show just for me. The Sea Birds were diving for fish as if they heard the tunes blasting into my ears. They seemed to be hitting the water at the same time a heavy beat would be played on the drum. I really got into that for a while. I looked out into the distance and saw a few Dolphins bobbing up and down in the water. It all seemed so synchronized. It was mesmerizing. I closed my eyes.

I lost track of time and space as the next thing I noticed was the album ending and when I opened my eyes my shorts were soaked. I was so into this feeling of bliss that I didn’t even notice the waves hitting me and getting higher and higher onto my body. I also noticed a feeling of absolute serenity. I felt almost cleansed as I went back to the chair and started packing up to get going to meet my friend for lunch. I felt a little strange or confused. Almost a little shaky.

As I was standing out there it was as if in that very spot, on that piece of the gulf and at that very time I was meant to be there and nowhere else. It’s a pretty powerful feeling and as anyone who knows me can testify that’s a pretty strong statement for me to make.

A Good Day

So I went and bought myself a box of good cigars, two bottles of Desani water (only the best for old Kev) and I’m at my favorite beach in the continental United States, Barefoot Beach in Bonita Springs Florida.

It’s definitely season down here. The beach is more crowded than I’ve ever seen it. You can also tell it’s Florida. I’m the youngest person here save for the little kids with their Grandparents.

There’s a really cool looking Seagull about five feet from me. He keeps yelling at me then walking away. He then comes back and does it again. Sorry pal, I can’t understand what you’re saying. He keeps yelling at me so much that you’d think I was still married.

There’s a little kid playing behind me and I turn around to watch him putting sand in a plastic bucket and dumping it back out again. He does this over and over again. He’s having the time of his short life doing the most mundane thing and I feel a ping of jealousy. I ask him his name and he tells me Kevin. I tell him I knew it and when he asks me how I give my standard reply when I meet a little kid with my name, “ because all the cool guys are named Kevin.” He loves it and I have a new friend. Kevin asks me what I’m drawing and I tell him I’m writing a story. He asks me what it’s about and when I tell him that right now it’s about him, well let’s just say that I’ve made a REALLY good friend.

It’s relatively cloudy out but the sun peeks out on a semi regular basis. Being the genius I am I didn’t bring my hat down to the sand. I stopped at Target and bought one to protect my head and I’m sure it’s quite comfortable up in the car. I also break the cardinal rule about suntan lotion. I never use it. I’m fortunate to have the type of skin that doesn’t burn much and when it does it usually turns to tan in a day or two.

The seagull’s back and yelling at me again. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I won’t do it again. He’s not going away this time so I think I will. A pretty good day.

All I Want Is A Remedy

Sometimes, when I’m down, I try to examine the whole concept of feeling that way. I know, in a sense that I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on shrinks and different anti-depressants over and above whatever the insurance companies have paid. Adding it up, over the last three years alone, it’s been well into the five-figure range. To be blunt, it hasn’t helped.

There is something about me, and I’ve written about it many times, that just plain doesn’t work upstairs. There is never a time when I want to be around people. That being said the complete opposite is also true. I sit alone and all I want is to be around others. Quite a conundrum. I just never seem to get to the point of saying yeah this is all right.

I’m not saying that I wake up totally depressed every day or anything like that. It just gets harder and harder everyday to find the things in life that make me smile. It just seems like too much work to laugh anymore and being as lazy as I am I’m just not sure I want to work that hard. I’m just in a kind of blah state. I pretty much strive for comfortably numb and anything close seems to allow me to get through the daily grind.

This is nothing new. I’ve been like this forever and I’m always telling myself that I’ll get better at this whole thing but nothing ever changes. I’m incredibly honest with myself about this “problem” of mine. I know, as I’ve written about before, that it’s all because of me. You know, my own, and nobody else’s fault.

My mother calls and tells me that I should go see someone because she can tell that I’m depressed. Well, sure I am, but no more or less than I’ve ever been. This is nothing that I haven’t dealt with before and it’s nothing that I won’t have to deal with in the future. It’s just that every once in a while it all comes and hits me at once. When that happens I find that I need to find a release and those releases get harder and harder to find,

Well, this episodes release is a trip to Florida. The flight’s free and I’ll stay at my brothers and use one of his cars so that’ll be cheap. I’ll be taking three or four books with me and hope to see some friends that I made while living down there. I hope to be spending most of my time on the sand. I’ve checked the ten day forecast and it looks like there may be some rain on a couple days but, in general, it looks like it’ll be sunny and warm which may be just what I need.