I spent Friday and Saturday down in the Detroit area this week for a number of different reasons. While down there I got some news that I’m having a real hard time wrapping my arms around. Two people from my high school got married and had kids. The woman was from my class and her husband, from a class two years prior. Anyway I got word that their son died, he was 17.
I don’t know the details of the how’s and why’s and honestly, what’s the difference? I also haven’t even spoken to either of these people in decades and again, what’s it matter? What matters is that a family is burying their son today. The very thought actually gets me all choked up and I’ve already had to stop writing a few times just to compose myself. Yeah, I’m normally a pretty sensitive guy but this, this has occupied my thoughts since the minute I heard about it.
We’ve all suffered loss. We’ve all probably lost grandparents, many have lost parents, sadly enough I’ve even written about some of us that have lost siblings or spouses. All of these losses are horrible. The loss of a child though, well, I don’t even know where to go with the very concept. You want to talk about rules of nature? Well, the most basic has been shattered beyond recognition in this case.
I have always talked and written about this child inside all of us. How life itself chips away at this child trying to force us to lose that inner being. I’ve usually been able to reconcile, within myself, the idea of somehow preserving that youthful being inside all of us. This time though, wow, I’m not sure I’d even want to. How does a Father wake up any day, let alone Fathers Day, and bury his son? How does a Mother, who at least to me, has the strongest connection possible with their children, wake up at all?
I’ve talked to a number of people about this in the last couple days and the common response is that they just do. You go on for the other kids, for your spouse, or just go on autopilot. I just can’t even see how that’s possible. I marvel at the strength of those that have that ability. I’m feeling actual pain at the thought of what these parents are going through today and I don’t know how I’d be able to deal with it if it was any closer to me than it is.
I know I’ll be thinking about this one for a long time. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not much into the faith thing but those of you that are, well, go ahead and pray for these two. Those that aren’t I know will be thinking of these guys too. I will make a suggestion to all of you though: If your kids are home, go give them a hug. If they’re away, call them and tell them you love them. I can’t even imagine, in my wildest dreams, what these folks are going through.
2 comments:
Just the thought of anyone losing a child brings me to tears. I have prayed for them to find strength and comfort~whatever that can possibly be, I don't know.
I have also been thinking about this family since I heard the news and it is so incredibly sad. I have also known these people from high school and as you, really didn't have a relationship with either one of them but I am so filled with sadness and a feeling of loss. I will not attend the funeral but did send a donation in memory of the young man. As I read his obit in the morning newspaper It did reveal that he had been struggling. But it also mentioned that he was still able to obtain a high grade point in his studies. The picture his parents submitted was beautiful. As a parent you always are wondering if your child is doing alright. We worry if they have friends and have good times. We worry about their choices they make and the "What if's." Who am I to give them, or anyone advice on how to deal with the death of a child, each person has their own morning ritual.
During this graduation season we celebrate our childrens achievements and look to the future. Yesterday I went to three different graduation parties. All three families had different paths to follow for their future. One young man was excited to go to Wayne State, while the other was leaving for Michigan State in the fall. The twins were staying at home but one was pursuing culinary arts while the other was interested in the heating and cooling program at an area community college. My wish to them is that they follow their desires. My wish and hope for E. and B. is that they get through the death of their beloved son together, with the love and support from their family, friends and community.
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