Tick, Tick, Tick

The end of 2008 is upon us. Isn’t it fascinating how, as you get older; the years just seem to be something you step over. It seems the steps get smaller and smaller the more you climb. I often wonder how we don’t trip and fall down those steps, if you know what I mean.

I was thinking about my youngest daughter, who’s now 18, and how long the years must seem to her. Take it a step further and think of my almost five-month-old granddaughter. Each minute must seem like years to her. Of course she has no concept of time. I’ll be 48 next month and there are many times when I wish time would slow down considerably. There are also more times, like today, that I can literally feel it just slipping away.

I’m not saying that’s either a good or a bad thing. I’m also not saying that today was an exceptionally bad day. It’s just a normal day off. I woke up, made some coffee and sat in front of the television and watched a bunch of movies. Nothing wrong with that but the next thing I know, it’s dark out and it’s 8:00 pm. See what I mean? The day just flew right by.

I could have and should have spent the day doing any number of things. Laundry, clean up the house, visit friends or relatives. I, on the other hand, felt it more appropriate to sit in the lounge chair and watch movies. I could have even gone to the damn theater but when I looked at the times it was already too late to go to the showing I wanted. The time just slid right by.

I could easily have fallen into the trap of feeling all down about it. Thinking that I’ve wasted my life and all that other stuff I would expect myself to think but I didn’t. I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten down on myself for being this amazing underachiever that I am. Again, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing.

I’m ok with it. By calling myself an underachiever I’m not saying I’m this horrible person or anything like that or that my life is a failure, because I’m not and more importantly, it’s not. Yes I could have done any number of more productive things. Just as I could have been doing many more productive things throughout my life. The point is, I think, that as long as I’m not hurting anyone or myself and I’m a somewhat productive member of society, then it’s ok. The world needs people that aren’t reaching their “potential”. How else would the world of psychiatry survive?

Now, I know that there are many much more successful people than I that feel they themselves are underachievers, I’m sure they work very hard to do their best and all that. That’s cool; the world needs those kinds of folks too. I’m just not that interested in going after the “ring”. That, of course is easy to say right now.

There just may come a day when something sparks me. Something that gets my juices flowing like nothing ever has. That’d most certainly be intriguing. I’m sure I’d really get into it. It hasn’t hit yet and I’m not sure what to look for if I wanted to be proactive about it. Therefore, I’ll just sit in my chair and see another movie and watch as time whips on by and begins, in the words of the band War, slippin into darkness.