The Times Of Our Lives

When I was a kid my brother David and I had a connection, through my mother, to get free concert tickets to any concert at Cobo Arena, then, the major concert venue in the Detroit area. Suffice it to say, we took full advantage of the opportunity afforded us. There is no way in the world that my friends and I could count how many shows we saw from the press box at the arena.

We saw all the big acts of the 70’s. Literally, whoever came to town, we went. I have many great memories from the different concerts I saw back then but one in particular stands head and shoulders above the others. I know that when this story gets told to anyone that knows any of the involved parties there are laughs all around. I’m not quite sure how well this is going to translate to writing but I’ll give it a shot.

I got four seats for an Aerosmith show in December of 75. I invited three friends to go with me, David Fairbanks, Bob Siegel, and David Swimmer ages 15, 14 and 14 respectively. I was also 14. Remember the ages, it matters.

As the night of the show approached we found that getting a ride to the show was going to be quite a challenge so Fairbanks asked his mom if he could take their car. This wasn’t an unreasonable request. David used to drive all the time, long before he got his license. So, on the night of the show we all piled into David’s Impala and off we went.

Fairbanks had procured a bottle of Southern Comfort for the evening and I’m sure we had plenty of pot, we always did. I didn’t drink back then and David Swimmer didn’t either so the only drinkers were Fairbanks and Bob. Again, another point to remember. So after an uneventful drive down the Lodge (that’s the main freeway to downtown from the north suburbs) we got to the hall and were escorted to our private press box.

I can’t say for certain but I believe the warm up band was REO Speedwagon, a band that later became quite popular. The band had a couple hits but was in no way considered headliners. Well, the lights went down and the show started. Fairbanks and Bob started drinking their Southern Comfort and we all were smoking pot as REO played their set. I mentioned a couple songs by the band that I liked a lot and, as the band wasn’t very popular at the time, Bobby wanted me to point out the songs when they got played. The alcohol was working it’s magic on Bobby as he kept asking, at the beginning of each song, whether this was a song I had said I liked or not. I mean it, each song started with Bobby yelling over to me, “is this the one”?

Anyway, the concert went on and we all seemed to enjoy both bands. The alcohol was gone by the time the show ended and we all proceeded to pack up our things and head out the door of the press box. Now, for those of you that know Cobo you’ll remember that there were ramps to go up and down the different levels. Well, as we were heading down the ramps, heading to the exit, I remember turning around to check to see where everyone was. As I turned I saw Bobby on all fours looking like a lost puppy dog. He had fallen and when he looked up at me I clearly remember thinking that he was really drunk. He caught my eye and I could see that he wasn’t in good shape. I think it was Swimmer who helped him up and we all started walking slower and together so as to make sure we all got to the car safely. Oddly, Fairbanks was very quiet the whole way to the car.

When we got to the car, Fairbanks got in the drivers seat, me, behind him. Bobby got in the front passenger seat and Swimmer sat behind him. As soon as the car started one of the wildest, scariest, hilarious and most memorable nights of each of our lives began. Actually, I can’t really say that about Bobby, I truly can’t say how he could remember much of the evening from that point on.

As soon as Bob shut his door he started trying to roll down his window. Once he started, everything for the rest of the night turned into a slow motion movie for me and I’m sure Swimmer too. As Bob was trying to roll down his window, he had his head leaning against it and was trying to reach his mouth to the top of it, as he was needing to throw up. I can still see him stretching his lips in an upward motion trying to reach the top. He didn’t. As soon as he started throwing up Swimmer jumped into my lap screaming, “ahhh, he’s puking”. Bob never got the window down far enough and spent the entire trip home throwing up all over himself.

It was at this point that Swimmer and I realized that we had a much bigger problem on our hands. Fairbanks announced to us all that he couldn’t drive anymore, as he was really drunk. Mind you, this is after we were already on the freeway. He kept drifting out of his lane and Swimmer and I each held one of his arms from the back seat and guided him in a straight line while repeating the mantra, “stay in your lane”. Meanwhile Bob was still making a mess of both himself and the entire passenger side of the front seat.

We kept up this travesty until we hit eight-mile road when Fairbanks decided he’d had enough and pulled off the freeway. He pulled onto a side street and told us that he was done. Swimmer and I talked about it for a second and decided that since I was three weeks away from getting my permit I wouldn’t take the chance of being caught. Swimmer got out of the car, climbing over me because Bob was still spewing a constant stream of things I don’t even want to think about, and opened the driver’s side front door. He pushed Fairbanks over so he could get in and once he gave the push, Fairbanks started throwing up all over Bobby while finally landing his head on Bob’s lap.

Swimmer took over the driving and we needed to take Bobby home first. Bob fought his way out of his coma long enough to ask us to drive around a little because he was too drunk to go home. We told him that that wasn’t going to happen and Swimmer pulled onto his street. Bob told us to drop him off down his street but we pulled right up in front of his house. He was too messed up to get out on his own so Swimmer and I decided to help. We found the only place on his body that wasn’t covered in slime, the back of his shirt collar under his jacket, and pulled him out. He ended up in a snowdrift and Swimmer went up to his door and knocked and came out to the car and we left. Bobby was still in the snowdrift the last time we saw him that night.

I was the next to get dropped off and then Swimmer drove home, woke up his father, and had his father follow him to Fairbanks’ house to drop off both David and the car. Two things here, it was a school night and it was around 1:00 in the morning.

Mom woke me up at the normal time for school and told me that Fairbanks was on the phone. I got up and grabbed the phone and David asked me what time we got home. I told him and then he asked me, in all seriousness, “ Did Bobby die last night”? He remembered us pulling him out of the car and leaving him in the snow and he somehow thought that he died and we had decided to just dump the body. After telling him what really happened David told me he wasn’t going to school that day and that he’d see me later that night.

At school that day Swimmer and I found each other and recounted the whole story to everyone we saw. We laughed until we cried. I don’t think any of us really put into thought how much danger we were actually in.

I know Bob can’t really tell the story because there is no way he can remember it. I saw both David’s at the get together the other night and all three of us remember things the same way. I mentioned that I couldn’t see or talk about any of those three guys without thinking of that night. Swimmer said he can’t drive on the northbound Lodge without laughing about it and Fairbanks said he still laughs about it too.

I don’t know how well this story is going to translate to paper but know that I literally cry when telling it. Both David’s and I were talking the other night and out of nowhere I said that we three have something between us that nobody will ever understand. I said what we had between us was the greatest story ever told. And each immediately knew what I was talking about and agreed. This all took place 33 years ago this month and it still makes me laugh out loud just thinking about it. Yes, we could have been killed but we weren’t. We all survived and have a great laugh and cry whenever we think about it. Ahhh, good times.

Hopefully For Good!

Ok, I’ve mentioned the web site Facebook.com in a couple other posts. I originally signed up for this sight because a friend of mine in Europe asked me to right after I moved here to Michigan. I guess it’s a lot like myspace.com but for me it’s a simpler site. I was never able to post pictures on myspace, they were always the wrong size. So I never really bothered with it and started putting pics and videos on Facebook.

I had a couple friends in Florida and a few that I worked with up here that were either already on the site or signed up once I asked them to. I would check in on the site occasionally and post a video that I thought was funny and just say hi or things like that. After a while, like all new things, it got old. I stopped checking in on the site and eventually deactivated my account.

A couple months ago I got an email from a friend in Florida saying that she was trying to send me something on Facebook and I couldn’t be found. I went back onto the site and reactivated my account. Once on, I started doing some searching for names from my past. They have a couple different ways of searching and one of them is through schools. I looked into my old high school and saw all kinds of names of people that I knew, or rather, once knew. I found folks that I haven’t seen or talked to since high school and quickly became part of their network. I was also getting “friend” requests from people I’d never heard of from my school. Some I accepted and some I didn’t. Most of the ones I didn’t know were in my brother David’s class and I thought they were simply confusing the two of us. Others, that I didn’t remember, I figured would come to me eventually. I’ve even gotten in touch with a friend that lived down my block that I was very close to. I flew up to Seattle from San Diego in the early eighties to stand up at his wedding and have only seen him once since then.

I must say I’m having the time of my life communicating with these people. I kind of feel like Sally Field at the Oscars when she said, “ you like me, you really like me”. I’ve sent notes to a few of the people that I remember but was never close to. In the note I’ve asked them what their opinions of me were back then. I asked for complete honesty, asking if I was nice or was I an ass to them. I’m not asking to see if I need to apologize or anything, I’m just trying to wrap my arms around me and who I was back then.

The responses have been rather touching. I told you about the friend who said I was one of the popular kids in school, which I never thought was true back then. I’ve also been told that I was one of the “cool” kids and that I was always nice and all the things we hope people think of us. I’ve received these kinds of responses from not only people I was friends with, which is kind of expected, but also from folks that I thought didn’t even know me.

Trying not to get to mushy here but this is really special to me. I love being in contact with these people and I hope the renewing feeling doesn’t go away. I think it’s truly amazing that these are people that, neither they nor I thought we’d ever hear from again. It simply blows my mind. I didn’t love my school years. I didn’t hate them either. I was kind of ambivalent about the whole thing. It’s pretty much how I’ve felt about my entire life.

There is a group of folks from my high school that get together every year at a restaurant down in the Detroit area around Thanksgiving. I was told about it last year and did my normal freak out thing and didn’t go. I’m planning on going this year; it’s this Friday, if I can avoid talking myself out of it. I’ve sort of forced the issue by committing to drive down with someone that lives up here. Otherwise, I know I’d find an excuse to get out of it. The closer the day gets the more of a wreck inside I become. Pretty stupid I know.

Anyway, if any of you new, old friends read this please know that I’m so incredibly happy to get to know you all again. I really hope that when the fad of Facebook goes away we somehow don’t lose each other again. I do, though, nervously, look forward to seeing a number of you again this Friday and hope we can continue these chats and notes for many, many years to come.

What To Do.

What do we do to save Detroit? The latest industry crumbling under this economic downturn, as we all know, is the American auto industry. The big three have gone to Congress and asked for 25 billion dollars in loans to get them through this latest mess. The problem I have with this bailout is the fear that it’s only a temporary fix.

The American auto companies have, by any explanation, made their own beds. I remember as a kid in the 70’s the huge loans given to the car companies so they could survive and retool to become competitive with the Japanese carmakers. Well, they servived, barely, and didn’t even attempt to compete with the foreign automakers. They have fought tooth and nail to avoid being forced to have minimum standards when it comes to mileage capabilities for their cars. Over the last ten years we’ve seen more SUV’s. than at any time that I can remember. Can someone explain how and why the Hummer even exists as transportation for the general public?

The other side of that is what happens if they don’t get the bail out? From what I’ve read and seen on the news in the last couple weeks, one in 10 workers in the United States is somehow connected to the auto industry. That doesn’t mean that 10% of all workers would lose their job but I’m sure a good portion of them would. The ones that don’t would probably lose hours along with getting pay cuts along with benefit cuts and so on and so on. Imagine what that does to the economy.

There is an idea out there for the government to kind of take over the big three. Has anyone noticed what a wonderful job the folks in Washington have done in running the business of this country? I’m not sure I’d want them running the car companies.

I’m really not sure where I sit on this one. Either way becomes a pretty frightening scenario. I know I don’t trust American cars; I’ve had foreign vehicles for years. Some say that it’s people like me that has helped bring these companies to their knees. I couldn’t disagree more on that. I would have gladly bought American if they were even close to the quality of my Nissans or Toyotas over the years.

I’ve really gotta think about this one.

I Keep Going Back

A friend of mine came up from the Detroit area last weekend to watch some football, grill up a couple steaks and just hang out. While here we started talking about the things we used to do when we were kids. This friend is someone that I was pretty close to while young yet life, as it often does, separated us and we’ve just recently reunited in the last few years.

While talking to him I mentioned that I had recently started corresponding with a number of people we knew as kids from school. I started mentioning names and we would discuss whatever memories we had of them. We started discussing all kinds of folks. Some that we were very close to, and others, that were kind of on the fringe of the little circle that we all kind of get lumped into throughout our lives.

During this little game of “remember so and so” I noticed that I would mention things that my friend would only have a slight memory of. I took that to mean that he just couldn’t remember the things we took part in. I mentioned this to him and he said I remembered these things because I was “pretty popular” in school. That’s the last thing I ever thought I’d hear about me in my youth.
I’ve mentioned before about how alone I always felt not only in my youth but throughout my life. To think I was one of the popular kids in school is something that I find really hard to put my arms around. I mean, my social life has never really varied over the years; I spent my time in high school either working or staying home and watching television. I couldn’t possibly count the Friday and Saturday nights I spent home alone in my house in Oak Park. Popular kids don’t do that.

I would sit there watching “Carol Burnett” almost every Saturday. Sometimes a friend would be there but most times it was a solitary party. I didn’t go to many parties back then and the ones I did attend would find me off in a corner, watching people getting drunk or viewing the inevitable fight that would break out. I always tried to place myself right on the edge of any circle that would form. I never allowed myself to get too close to any of the action. I always had this feeling that I’d be found out if I did.

Found out? What was I afraid to show? That’s easy. I was very concerned that if any of these people got to know me very well then they would inevitably find all the faults that I worked so hard to cover up about myself. Whether or not these faults were real has nothing to do with any of this. I perceived them and that’s all one needs to believe in their reality.

My problem is that I never really got rid of the feeling of having to stay on the outskirts. I’m working on putting the two realities together just to help myself understand myself some more. I’m surely not the only person who saw themselves as little more than a fringe player in the shaping of their own lives. Don’t misunderstand what I just said. Nobody put these feelings of inadequacy in my head but me. Why I put them there, I don’t know, could be a million reasons. This revisiting the past is truly a learning experience. I feel like there’s so much work I could do there. So far I like what I’m finding about me way back then. I think I’ll stay awhile.

One Step Up And Two Steps Back

Ok, step one is complete. We have elected a Democrat to the highest office in the land. My side won but that alone isn’t enough. I have a concern about the direction the country is heading simply by looking at some of the ballot initiatives voted on in each state.

First, I’d like to congratulate the state of Michigan. Voting yes on both the medical marijuana and stem cell bills is something to be quite proud of. On the other hand there were three or four states that had a measure to ban gay marriage on their ballots and all of them passed. Arkansas passed a bill to ban gay couples from adopting children.

On the one hand it would seem we’ve made tremendous strides. The idea of electing a black man is something I think most of us can admit we never thought we’d see in our lifetimes. Kudos goes out to the entire nation for breaking through this long-standing barrier to progression.

On the other hand, the majority of the people that voted in the states of Arizona, California, Arkansas and Florida still feel the need to deny citizens rights that, to me at least, seem as basic as they get. I’m quite sure that if asked, most of those that voted against these bills would give some sort of biblical reason as to why they chose to vote that way. I don’t even want to go into my thoughts on that. Oh alright, I will, just a little though because I’ve said it so many times before.

The idea that the people of this, or any, country place their religious beliefs before the rights and freedoms of its citizens should scare every single one of us. This, my friends, is the real glass ceiling we must break through before any of us can consider the results of this, or any, election a victory for the people. Is their anybody out there that still thinks that people choose to be gay? Well, I guess so. Just look at the results of Tuesdays vote. Absolutely ridiculous.

Election '08

Ok kids, here we are. This is the moment Democrats have been waiting for since Gore won the popular vote but lost the election in 2000. I’ve written enough times about Barack Obama that, by now, you all know what a fan I am. I do have a few concerns about a couple different scenarios that could play out, not just today, but over the next four to eight years.

The concern for today is the obvious, these are the Democrats we’re talking about here and as I’ve said before, if there is one group of people that can come from ahead and lose, it’s the Dem’s. We saw it in 2000 and again in 2004. The only thing you and I can do about it is to help get the vote out. Call your friends and relatives and help get them to the polls if you have to. Most important, get to the polls yourself. This is easily the most important election of our lives and we’ll have nobody to blame but ourselves if we blow it.

My other concern is about the future. Whether Obama or McCain wins, the fear is how each chooses to actually govern. Personally, I’m a liberal. Actually there are some issues that liberals think I’m too far to the left on. On the other hand, I’m also a realist. If either candidate strays too far from the middle, once elected, I believe their presidency will be one of complete failure and will also be short lived.

The truth is that, in general, we Americans are really not that far apart when it comes to our politics. Now wait, don’t write and tell me what a fool I am quite yet, just look at the past. A major move to the middle saves Clinton’s Presidency. If you look at the approval polls for his first two years in office you’ll see they were nothing to be proud of. After being forced to move towards a safer middle ground he won the election with 379 electoral votes, basically a blowout. Please remember that this was in the middle of his being impeached by the majority Republican congress. I don’t think he would have stood a chance if he had stayed with the same platform he won with in 1992.

If Obama wins he will, as Clinton did, assume the office with a Democratic Congress. While I would have personally approved of Clinton’s sticking to more liberal policies, again, I’m a realist and know that without the Republican congress being voted into office in ’94 he would not have been forced to move away from those thoughts and I believe that is what saved his Presidency.

I want Barack Obama to win this election. I think this is my generations “Kennedy moment”. I do, however, hope that he doesn’t stray too far from the middle. Not because I’m some kind of centrist, but because I want his time in office to be successful. I don’t believe that either candidate can be successful without staying a little more to the center of the line.

Anyway, that’s what I’m thinking about this election day of 2008. Agree or disagree with me, it doesn’t really matter. I don’t think I’m breaking any new ground here by saying what I’ve said. The bottom line though is that only time will tell

Look Into My Eyes

You know, during the last month or so I’ve been revisiting my past a great deal. I’ve been hanging out on websites that help one connect with others and I’ve ended up getting in contact with a number of folks that I haven’t heard from in years. It’s pretty cool hearing from this long lost group of schoolmates as it brings back memories that take me to a time in life that I constantly wish I could do over again.

See, I spent my entire youth thinking that I was alone. Finding these folks that knew me back then really shows me that how one thinks of themselves can be so different than the way others see you. I am one of the most insecure people I know, to me, yet talking to those that knew me back then I get the impression that that side of me never really showed itself to them.

I posted some pictures of when I was a kid from the age of two until my senior year of high school onto my “Facebook” page and the comments received from people have kind of taken me aback. First is the recognition. The “hey, I remember you,” type things. Then I’ve gotten a couple from some girls I knew back then that tell me what a crush they had on me back then or how “cute” they always thought I was.
I cannot imagine what I would have done if I knew they felt that way. I don’t think I can remember a time in my life when I thought I was the least bit attractive and here are the very girls I use to be so afraid to even talk to telling me that they would have welcomed such an event. My fear of myself would never allow such a thing to have happened but it’s really nice to hear these things. It’s nice to feel that I may have been wrong about myself all those years ago. Of course the logical side of my brain has probably always known that. It’s the emotional side that always throws me into these tizzies.

I got in touch with one woman that I first met in fifth grade but haven’t seen or spoken to since the early eighties. When I sent her the original contact note I told her that I had always liked her because she always made me laugh and that was something that’s always been very important to me. In her response she stated that she was so glad to get in touch again because I was always so nice to her. I felt pretty good about that and I thought about that very statement for quite awhile.

I probably would be pretty upset if I found that there are people out there that I haven’t been nice to. One of the things I’ve always thought highly of about myself is that I’ve always treated people well. That’s not to say that I haven’t made fun of people, everyone does, I have just always thought that at the end of the day people really can’t complain about the way I’ve treated them. I think anyone can say that when looking at pictures of the groups of people they knew when they were young that this guy or that was “such a jerk” or “what an ass”. I truly don’t think that I can think of anyone back then that would think that way of me. That, my friends, makes me feel good. You know, I did something right.

One of the things that I’ve attempted to do while writing this blog is the proverbial self-examination. Looking to identify certain stages of my life and either the mistakes or the things done right throughout. Not that I could do anything to change the past or that I’m looking to blame anyone for my faults. I just, I don’t know, want to see if I can figure out the causes of both the good and the bad.

One of the pictures I posted is of my school picture for 11’Th grade. In it I have long hair and it’s kind of mussed up. I may very well have been high at the time but I don’t think it’s obvious or anything. The thing I notice most about it are my eyes. Something about them kind of captured me and I found myself staring into the picture. It seemed as if I was staring at them, searching them for a sign or something to let me know that he, or I as it may be, was ok with how I’ve turned out. I hope that if the boy in the photo could look into my eyes he’d see that though I may have been wrong about a great deal of the things I’ve done, I never purposely hurt anyone and my thoughts are not very far from the way I was back then, we’re ok. I think he’d think we’ve done all right and I think I agree with him.