I go home today. That’s always a depressing time for me. It’s not that I hate my living situation or anything like that, it’s just always hard when it’s time to be responsible again. I felt the same way when I would visit Michigan while living in Florida, California and Las Vegas. Real life means real thoughts and actions. It means paying bills and going to work. These are the only times I really regret my parents not being the Rockefellers so I wouldn’t have to worry about those little things that cause such stress.
It was a very nice trip. I got a lot of sun, too much, actually. My head is looking pretty ragged as it got burned and peeled but I’ll take the trade off any day. I saw a few old friends, went to a Polo match and saw the musical, “Jersey Boys” about Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons. That was really cool. I totally understand how it has won the awards it has.
So now I go home and start the grind all over again. It’s snowing back there right now but that’s all right. I’ve got a really nice tan and that’ll keep me in that vacation mode for a few more days. We are just getting into March so that means the NCAA basketball tournament starts soon and then as we all should know by now, Baseball, which I feel can never start soon enough.
I like Florida. I don’t mind the humidity and the heat. I did get a number of bug bites that itch like crazy but you get the good with the bad and it all evens out. I’ll definitely return for future vacations as it’s cheaper than the Caribbean but has the same weather. Seeing Steve and his wife was great and there’s always the advantage of staying on the cheap with family where you vacation. It’s actually a good day to leave. The weather has turned and it’s getting cold out. I’ve had over seven days of sun and relaxation and it’s time for reality to rear its ugly head once more.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
I Love My Flip-Flops
When Maegan and I first left California to move to Florida back in 2005 we drove north to Michigan to see family before heading to my new home, Maegan flew back to California from Michigan. Anyway, while in the Detroit area, I would hang out with old friends and eat at all the old haunts and things like that.
I also did a bit of shopping for shorts and shirts and anything else to give me that Caribbean feel. I bought a number of those Hawaiian type shirts, you know, the real loud ones with flowers on them that old fat guys like me wear while on vacation. I figured with my new life and all I’d start to wear them all the time. Just to give me that relaxation feel. Kind of like the little umbrellas in drinks that I spoke so fondly of in a previous post.
Something else I bought while in Michigan back then was a pair of flip-flops. I have never had a pair before. I did own a few pair of sandals out in California but never wore them much. I figured that while in Florida I’d need something to slip on and off at the beach so what the hell, they were only $3.00. Let me tell you, the best investment I think I’ve ever made.
I love my flip-flops. While in Florida I would wear them whenever I wasn’t working. I’d go to breakfast, lunch or dinner in them. I’d wear them with shorts or jeans. It didn’t matter. When slipped on I would get that “on vacation” feeling and it would make it easier to relax. They were always at the door to the apartment and when I’d go anywhere I’d just slip em on. The same held true when we moved into the house down there.
When we moved to Michigan I wore them throughout the summer and into the fall for as long as I could. Once it was too cold I started using them as a sort of bath slipper when I would get out of the shower. Still do.
When I came down to Florida for this little vacation I’m on I made sure I packed them as I wore my gym shoes to the airport and on the plane. Once I got to my brothers house I unpacked and put the flip-flops on and I noticed yesterday that they are all I’ve worn since then. I’ve gone out to eat, to the beach and to movies. I’ve sat around reading, writing and watching television and the whole time I’ve either got the flip-flops on or right next to the chair for when I get up.
I’ll probably have to wear my regular shoes on Tuesday because we’re going to a play but that will be the only time during the entire eight days down here that they will be on my feet. Until then though no shoes or socks required.
I can’t wait for spring to hit in Michigan so I can start the cycle up there. It’s nice to come home from work and literally “slip” into something a little more comfortable. I like the tan lines that form on my feet. I like how light my feet are when wearing them. I love my flip-flops.
I also did a bit of shopping for shorts and shirts and anything else to give me that Caribbean feel. I bought a number of those Hawaiian type shirts, you know, the real loud ones with flowers on them that old fat guys like me wear while on vacation. I figured with my new life and all I’d start to wear them all the time. Just to give me that relaxation feel. Kind of like the little umbrellas in drinks that I spoke so fondly of in a previous post.
Something else I bought while in Michigan back then was a pair of flip-flops. I have never had a pair before. I did own a few pair of sandals out in California but never wore them much. I figured that while in Florida I’d need something to slip on and off at the beach so what the hell, they were only $3.00. Let me tell you, the best investment I think I’ve ever made.
I love my flip-flops. While in Florida I would wear them whenever I wasn’t working. I’d go to breakfast, lunch or dinner in them. I’d wear them with shorts or jeans. It didn’t matter. When slipped on I would get that “on vacation” feeling and it would make it easier to relax. They were always at the door to the apartment and when I’d go anywhere I’d just slip em on. The same held true when we moved into the house down there.
When we moved to Michigan I wore them throughout the summer and into the fall for as long as I could. Once it was too cold I started using them as a sort of bath slipper when I would get out of the shower. Still do.
When I came down to Florida for this little vacation I’m on I made sure I packed them as I wore my gym shoes to the airport and on the plane. Once I got to my brothers house I unpacked and put the flip-flops on and I noticed yesterday that they are all I’ve worn since then. I’ve gone out to eat, to the beach and to movies. I’ve sat around reading, writing and watching television and the whole time I’ve either got the flip-flops on or right next to the chair for when I get up.
I’ll probably have to wear my regular shoes on Tuesday because we’re going to a play but that will be the only time during the entire eight days down here that they will be on my feet. Until then though no shoes or socks required.
I can’t wait for spring to hit in Michigan so I can start the cycle up there. It’s nice to come home from work and literally “slip” into something a little more comfortable. I like the tan lines that form on my feet. I like how light my feet are when wearing them. I love my flip-flops.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Right Place At The Right Time
At the beach pretty early today. I left my brothers around 6:30 am or so and got down here, after stopping for coffee, around 8:45. It’s so early that I have my beach chair with it’s back to the water as I want to face the sun. I figure I’ll sit here till around 11:00 or so then I’m meeting a friend for lunch. I think we’ll go to the “Olive Garden". Pretty high falutin I know but what the hell, you only live once.
I’m the only one with a little “camp-site” so far. Everyone else is out here this early only to walk or jog along the beach. Now why would you ruin a perfectly good day at the beach by doing anything but nothing?
I stopped reading my book and got the IPOD out and I think I’ll go stand in the water and listen to some music. I’ll put on “The Who”, “Who’s Next”. Pretty cool concept, hearing “Baba O’Riley” with your feet in the Gulf.
Something happened out there. I listened to the entire album while just watching the water and the things surrounding it. I had my feet in the sand at the waters edge and as the music played it was almost as if nature decided to put on a show just for me. The Sea Birds were diving for fish as if they heard the tunes blasting into my ears. They seemed to be hitting the water at the same time a heavy beat would be played on the drum. I really got into that for a while. I looked out into the distance and saw a few Dolphins bobbing up and down in the water. It all seemed so synchronized. It was mesmerizing. I closed my eyes.
I lost track of time and space as the next thing I noticed was the album ending and when I opened my eyes my shorts were soaked. I was so into this feeling of bliss that I didn’t even notice the waves hitting me and getting higher and higher onto my body. I also noticed a feeling of absolute serenity. I felt almost cleansed as I went back to the chair and started packing up to get going to meet my friend for lunch. I felt a little strange or confused. Almost a little shaky.
As I was standing out there it was as if in that very spot, on that piece of the gulf and at that very time I was meant to be there and nowhere else. It’s a pretty powerful feeling and as anyone who knows me can testify that’s a pretty strong statement for me to make.
I’m the only one with a little “camp-site” so far. Everyone else is out here this early only to walk or jog along the beach. Now why would you ruin a perfectly good day at the beach by doing anything but nothing?
I stopped reading my book and got the IPOD out and I think I’ll go stand in the water and listen to some music. I’ll put on “The Who”, “Who’s Next”. Pretty cool concept, hearing “Baba O’Riley” with your feet in the Gulf.
Something happened out there. I listened to the entire album while just watching the water and the things surrounding it. I had my feet in the sand at the waters edge and as the music played it was almost as if nature decided to put on a show just for me. The Sea Birds were diving for fish as if they heard the tunes blasting into my ears. They seemed to be hitting the water at the same time a heavy beat would be played on the drum. I really got into that for a while. I looked out into the distance and saw a few Dolphins bobbing up and down in the water. It all seemed so synchronized. It was mesmerizing. I closed my eyes.
I lost track of time and space as the next thing I noticed was the album ending and when I opened my eyes my shorts were soaked. I was so into this feeling of bliss that I didn’t even notice the waves hitting me and getting higher and higher onto my body. I also noticed a feeling of absolute serenity. I felt almost cleansed as I went back to the chair and started packing up to get going to meet my friend for lunch. I felt a little strange or confused. Almost a little shaky.
As I was standing out there it was as if in that very spot, on that piece of the gulf and at that very time I was meant to be there and nowhere else. It’s a pretty powerful feeling and as anyone who knows me can testify that’s a pretty strong statement for me to make.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
A Good Day
So I went and bought myself a box of good cigars, two bottles of Desani water (only the best for old Kev) and I’m at my favorite beach in the continental United States, Barefoot Beach in Bonita Springs Florida.
It’s definitely season down here. The beach is more crowded than I’ve ever seen it. You can also tell it’s Florida. I’m the youngest person here save for the little kids with their Grandparents.
There’s a really cool looking Seagull about five feet from me. He keeps yelling at me then walking away. He then comes back and does it again. Sorry pal, I can’t understand what you’re saying. He keeps yelling at me so much that you’d think I was still married.
There’s a little kid playing behind me and I turn around to watch him putting sand in a plastic bucket and dumping it back out again. He does this over and over again. He’s having the time of his short life doing the most mundane thing and I feel a ping of jealousy. I ask him his name and he tells me Kevin. I tell him I knew it and when he asks me how I give my standard reply when I meet a little kid with my name, “ because all the cool guys are named Kevin.” He loves it and I have a new friend. Kevin asks me what I’m drawing and I tell him I’m writing a story. He asks me what it’s about and when I tell him that right now it’s about him, well let’s just say that I’ve made a REALLY good friend.
It’s relatively cloudy out but the sun peeks out on a semi regular basis. Being the genius I am I didn’t bring my hat down to the sand. I stopped at Target and bought one to protect my head and I’m sure it’s quite comfortable up in the car. I also break the cardinal rule about suntan lotion. I never use it. I’m fortunate to have the type of skin that doesn’t burn much and when it does it usually turns to tan in a day or two.
The seagull’s back and yelling at me again. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I won’t do it again. He’s not going away this time so I think I will. A pretty good day.
It’s definitely season down here. The beach is more crowded than I’ve ever seen it. You can also tell it’s Florida. I’m the youngest person here save for the little kids with their Grandparents.
There’s a really cool looking Seagull about five feet from me. He keeps yelling at me then walking away. He then comes back and does it again. Sorry pal, I can’t understand what you’re saying. He keeps yelling at me so much that you’d think I was still married.
There’s a little kid playing behind me and I turn around to watch him putting sand in a plastic bucket and dumping it back out again. He does this over and over again. He’s having the time of his short life doing the most mundane thing and I feel a ping of jealousy. I ask him his name and he tells me Kevin. I tell him I knew it and when he asks me how I give my standard reply when I meet a little kid with my name, “ because all the cool guys are named Kevin.” He loves it and I have a new friend. Kevin asks me what I’m drawing and I tell him I’m writing a story. He asks me what it’s about and when I tell him that right now it’s about him, well let’s just say that I’ve made a REALLY good friend.
It’s relatively cloudy out but the sun peeks out on a semi regular basis. Being the genius I am I didn’t bring my hat down to the sand. I stopped at Target and bought one to protect my head and I’m sure it’s quite comfortable up in the car. I also break the cardinal rule about suntan lotion. I never use it. I’m fortunate to have the type of skin that doesn’t burn much and when it does it usually turns to tan in a day or two.
The seagull’s back and yelling at me again. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I won’t do it again. He’s not going away this time so I think I will. A pretty good day.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Friends Where You Can Find Em
I drove down to Detroit Metro airport last night and did one of those fly and drive things so I had a cheaper place to keep my car while on this little sabbatical. It’s really strange but I can never sleep well in a hotel yet I insist on staying in them as much as possible. You figure it out. Anyway, I was up all night fighting with the thermostat in the room (why is it so hot?) and never quite getting the pillows to feel right (why are they so hard?). I ended up taking out my current read and dove into that until I figured it was time to shower and get myself going.
The shower did me wonders as all my issues seemed to go down the drain along with whatever else washed off of me. After getting out I felt like I could finally sleep but I had to catch the shuttle in 45 minutes so that was surely out of the question. So I sat.
I always wonder about the chairs at the little table that are in hotels. Yes, the easy answer is for room service but I’ve been in numerous places that don’t offer room service and they still have the table. What’s it for? Maybe it’s for me, right now, as I wait for the time to go to the lobby to meet the shuttle. Maybe not, I don’t know. One of this places features, according to the little flyer in the room, is USA Today delivered to my door. I went to check but then realized it was only 3:30 and I don’t think such a fine, respectable paper could find it’s way to me that early. So I made coffee in the in room coffee maker and sat at my table.
It’s a nice table, a few scratches but a nice table. I guess we could be friends. Not too close cuz I have to leave in a few but friends. Well, maybe acquaintances because we’re only going to know each other for another few minutes and surely you’ll forget about me the moment I leave. Oh I’m sure you’ll be much closer to the next guy that comes along. He won’t put his suitcase on you like I did. Well I had to put it SOMEWHERE! Screw you. I’m leaving.
I should probably go back and apologize. Forget it, I’ll never see that bastard again. I’ll make it up to the next hotel room table I sit at. I think that’s what I’ll do. From now on, when staying in hotels, I’m gonna make time to sit at the table. Make it my little sitting place. Get to know it. Make us both comfortable with each other. What am I nuts? Yeah, probably
The shower did me wonders as all my issues seemed to go down the drain along with whatever else washed off of me. After getting out I felt like I could finally sleep but I had to catch the shuttle in 45 minutes so that was surely out of the question. So I sat.
I always wonder about the chairs at the little table that are in hotels. Yes, the easy answer is for room service but I’ve been in numerous places that don’t offer room service and they still have the table. What’s it for? Maybe it’s for me, right now, as I wait for the time to go to the lobby to meet the shuttle. Maybe not, I don’t know. One of this places features, according to the little flyer in the room, is USA Today delivered to my door. I went to check but then realized it was only 3:30 and I don’t think such a fine, respectable paper could find it’s way to me that early. So I made coffee in the in room coffee maker and sat at my table.
It’s a nice table, a few scratches but a nice table. I guess we could be friends. Not too close cuz I have to leave in a few but friends. Well, maybe acquaintances because we’re only going to know each other for another few minutes and surely you’ll forget about me the moment I leave. Oh I’m sure you’ll be much closer to the next guy that comes along. He won’t put his suitcase on you like I did. Well I had to put it SOMEWHERE! Screw you. I’m leaving.
I should probably go back and apologize. Forget it, I’ll never see that bastard again. I’ll make it up to the next hotel room table I sit at. I think that’s what I’ll do. From now on, when staying in hotels, I’m gonna make time to sit at the table. Make it my little sitting place. Get to know it. Make us both comfortable with each other. What am I nuts? Yeah, probably
Sunday, February 17, 2008
All I Want Is A Remedy
Sometimes, when I’m down, I try to examine the whole concept of feeling that way. I know, in a sense that I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on shrinks and different anti-depressants over and above whatever the insurance companies have paid. Adding it up, over the last three years alone, it’s been well into the five-figure range. To be blunt, it hasn’t helped.
There is something about me, and I’ve written about it many times, that just plain doesn’t work upstairs. There is never a time when I want to be around people. That being said the complete opposite is also true. I sit alone and all I want is to be around others. Quite a conundrum. I just never seem to get to the point of saying yeah this is all right.
I’m not saying that I wake up totally depressed every day or anything like that. It just gets harder and harder everyday to find the things in life that make me smile. It just seems like too much work to laugh anymore and being as lazy as I am I’m just not sure I want to work that hard. I’m just in a kind of blah state. I pretty much strive for comfortably numb and anything close seems to allow me to get through the daily grind.
This is nothing new. I’ve been like this forever and I’m always telling myself that I’ll get better at this whole thing but nothing ever changes. I’m incredibly honest with myself about this “problem” of mine. I know, as I’ve written about before, that it’s all because of me. You know, my own, and nobody else’s fault.
My mother calls and tells me that I should go see someone because she can tell that I’m depressed. Well, sure I am, but no more or less than I’ve ever been. This is nothing that I haven’t dealt with before and it’s nothing that I won’t have to deal with in the future. It’s just that every once in a while it all comes and hits me at once. When that happens I find that I need to find a release and those releases get harder and harder to find,
Well, this episodes release is a trip to Florida. The flight’s free and I’ll stay at my brothers and use one of his cars so that’ll be cheap. I’ll be taking three or four books with me and hope to see some friends that I made while living down there. I hope to be spending most of my time on the sand. I’ve checked the ten day forecast and it looks like there may be some rain on a couple days but, in general, it looks like it’ll be sunny and warm which may be just what I need.
There is something about me, and I’ve written about it many times, that just plain doesn’t work upstairs. There is never a time when I want to be around people. That being said the complete opposite is also true. I sit alone and all I want is to be around others. Quite a conundrum. I just never seem to get to the point of saying yeah this is all right.
I’m not saying that I wake up totally depressed every day or anything like that. It just gets harder and harder everyday to find the things in life that make me smile. It just seems like too much work to laugh anymore and being as lazy as I am I’m just not sure I want to work that hard. I’m just in a kind of blah state. I pretty much strive for comfortably numb and anything close seems to allow me to get through the daily grind.
This is nothing new. I’ve been like this forever and I’m always telling myself that I’ll get better at this whole thing but nothing ever changes. I’m incredibly honest with myself about this “problem” of mine. I know, as I’ve written about before, that it’s all because of me. You know, my own, and nobody else’s fault.
My mother calls and tells me that I should go see someone because she can tell that I’m depressed. Well, sure I am, but no more or less than I’ve ever been. This is nothing that I haven’t dealt with before and it’s nothing that I won’t have to deal with in the future. It’s just that every once in a while it all comes and hits me at once. When that happens I find that I need to find a release and those releases get harder and harder to find,
Well, this episodes release is a trip to Florida. The flight’s free and I’ll stay at my brothers and use one of his cars so that’ll be cheap. I’ll be taking three or four books with me and hope to see some friends that I made while living down there. I hope to be spending most of my time on the sand. I’ve checked the ten day forecast and it looks like there may be some rain on a couple days but, in general, it looks like it’ll be sunny and warm which may be just what I need.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
The Saga Continues
I went down to Detroit last week ostensibly to hang out with a couple friends from my youth. I went on Priceline. Com and bid 35.00 and ended up with a very nice room at the Westin. Really nice hotel, all the amenities you could ask for and I highly recommend it.
I caught some crap from my friend about getting a hotel and not staying at his place but I really needed some private time. I took my computer and looked forward to doing some writing. I had two nights to spend and figured that would get me all the r&r I needed.
What I ended up doing was going through everything I wrote last year and edited it to the best of my ability. It was pretty cool. Like I actually had a job to do. I looked at it as if I had to have this done before I came home. I’ve been pretty down lately and I needed to do something to make myself feel good. It came down to getting an eight ball and some hookers or publishing last year’s model.
Well, if any of you know me you know I can’t afford an eight ball so I decided to publish. I gotta tell ya, this really picked me up. While going through all the posts I was able to read each one. I really like all of this one. I must admit that going through the first book I see so many posts that are just embarrassing. I can honestly say that there is nothing in this one that makes me feel that way.
A number of folks that read the blog have sent comments about how much they like my writing. People that I’ve never even met have sent emails from all over the world and I just thought it was nice but never felt that way myself.
Funny thing though, after reading these essays, I think I’m starting to develop an ego. I’m a bit embarrassed about it but an ego nonetheless. It’s a strange feeling, thinking you’re good at something when you’ve never even considered the possibility before.
My fear is that it’ll have an effect on my writing. I find myself reading and rereading everything I write now as opposed to before when I just wrote and let the chips fall where they may. Oh well, I hope I can trust you guys to slap me around if you see me grabbing things that are a little out of my grasp.
Anyway, once again, thanks for your continued support and I hope you haven’t gotten bored with me yet. Here’s the web site if you’re interested:
http://www.lulu.com/content/1985131
I caught some crap from my friend about getting a hotel and not staying at his place but I really needed some private time. I took my computer and looked forward to doing some writing. I had two nights to spend and figured that would get me all the r&r I needed.
What I ended up doing was going through everything I wrote last year and edited it to the best of my ability. It was pretty cool. Like I actually had a job to do. I looked at it as if I had to have this done before I came home. I’ve been pretty down lately and I needed to do something to make myself feel good. It came down to getting an eight ball and some hookers or publishing last year’s model.
Well, if any of you know me you know I can’t afford an eight ball so I decided to publish. I gotta tell ya, this really picked me up. While going through all the posts I was able to read each one. I really like all of this one. I must admit that going through the first book I see so many posts that are just embarrassing. I can honestly say that there is nothing in this one that makes me feel that way.
A number of folks that read the blog have sent comments about how much they like my writing. People that I’ve never even met have sent emails from all over the world and I just thought it was nice but never felt that way myself.
Funny thing though, after reading these essays, I think I’m starting to develop an ego. I’m a bit embarrassed about it but an ego nonetheless. It’s a strange feeling, thinking you’re good at something when you’ve never even considered the possibility before.
My fear is that it’ll have an effect on my writing. I find myself reading and rereading everything I write now as opposed to before when I just wrote and let the chips fall where they may. Oh well, I hope I can trust you guys to slap me around if you see me grabbing things that are a little out of my grasp.
Anyway, once again, thanks for your continued support and I hope you haven’t gotten bored with me yet. Here’s the web site if you’re interested:
http://www.lulu.com/content/1985131
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