A number of months ago I wrote a post about, what I consider, the greatest love song ever written. The song I’m speaking about is “God Only Knows” by The Beach Boys. I’m not going to restate my reasons for it but, instead, I want to talk a little bit about Brian Wilson, the composer of the song.
I think about this kind of stuff all the time, yeah, pretty weird, and I’ve come to the conclusion that Brian Wilson is the single greatest pop music composer ever. Strong statement, except for people that care about normal things, but it’s true. This guys life story is amazing on it’s own. Add to it that he just happened to write, record and produce many of the world’s great pop songs and the story is even more incredible. Add even more to that, the fact that he can’t write music and is deaf in one ear and it seems we may have some sort of savant here.
Here’s a guy that was the victim of child abuse, both physical and mental, so much so that there are stories that allude to the idea that the loss of hearing in one ear was due to the abuse of his father. He’s also been the victim of a well-documented mental breakdown while he was right at the top of his game, so to speak. Yet, even with all the troubles, the bottom line was, and is, he happened to compose these amazing songs. And the songs are what we really should be talking about.
I mentioned that I consider “God Only Knows” the greatest love song ever, there are, however, so many more. Of course there are the basic surf tunes that made “The Beach Boys” famous. We all remember those songs and we also remember the other hits they had. The problem I have with the non-surf hits is that nobody seems to realize what amazing pieces of work they not only were but also still are.
The song I’ve already spoken of, “God Only Knows” is a great example of what I’m trying to say. If we didn’t know this was a Beach Boy song I really believe it would make the top ten of most peoples lists when it comes to naming their favorite songs. I don’t know anyone in my age group that doesn’t think highly of it.
Another song written by Brian Wilson that just amazes me is “Don’t Worry Baby”. I consider this tune to be the perfect pop song. It’s got it all, teenage angst, girls and cars. Add to that the most basic beat you’ll ever find throughout the entire song and harmonies that are just perfect and what more could one want? Two verses separated by the most basic of bridges and followed by the last verse that completes the story. The bridge itself is so simple yet I can’t imagine trying to put a guitar solo or drum roll or anything but the way it is on the record into it. It’s really quite amazing. If you listen to it closely you’ll notice that the drum beat never changes throughout the whole song. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard an entire song be so complex with it’s harmonies and so simple with it’s beat. Truly, the mark of a genius.
The thing about Brian Wilson that I just find astounding was that he couldn’t write music. He had these songs in his head, knew exactly what he wanted to hear on the record and didn’t quit until he heard, on record, what he was hearing in his head. The songs “Good Vibrations” and “California Girls” are another example of this boy genius just making sure it wouldn’t be released until it was just right. Just listen to the songs and if you’re really paying attention you’ll see what I mean. The stories are legendary about how many takes and how many days were spent in the studio until Brian thought it was just right.
When you listen to one of the songs mentioned above or even any other song he’s written, keep in mind that he was deaf in one ear. Those harmonies were written and produced by someone who couldn’t even hear it like he wanted you and I to. This kind of stuff just gives me goose bumps. There’s something truly amazing going on in this guys head and I think it’s time that not just his legions of fans realize it but also those who just write the songs off as being done by those surf music guys. Just listen and forget the band and any preconceived notions you have about them. You’re gonna be amazed.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Meaningless Drivel.
Once again, Facebook has inspired a post. There are all kinds of lists being floated around and I saw someone push this one out there. I know, this is absolutely meaningless stuff but each of these records have a place in my life story. There are so many others that I could have put here but I figured this would be a good start. I could easily write a short story about each one of these and many others.
The Beatles, “Meet The Beatles”.
Whether you’re a fan or not, this album changed the world. Yes, the songs are simple and the lyrics are pretty basic but nothing like it had ever been heard on these shores before. Just look at what it spawned, just everything you’ve listened to since.
The Who, “Who’s Next”
If you’re within 10 years of my age, there isn’t one song on this album that you don’t know. That’s pretty amazing when you think about it.
Elton John, “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
Elton was The Beatles of the 70’s and this is the album that shot him into the stars. There are a number of other albums of his that I think are better, but most of us would have never even thought of listening to them had it not been for this disc.
Squeeze, “East Side Story”
I’m a huge pop music fan and these guys were masters of it. The song “Tempted” was the only semi-hit on the album but I can listen to this one from beginning to end on a weekly basis and not get tired of it. If you can find the song “Labelled With Love” give it a listen. Elvis Costello produced and sang backing vocals on a number of the songs.
Bruce Springsteen, “Born To Run”
If you haven’t felt the power of this one, well, you just haven’t been listening. From the opening notes of “Thunder Road” to the close of “Jungle Land” this record just plain smokes. I still get chills every time I hear the title song. “I wanna die with you Wendy on the streets tonight in an everlasting kiss”. Man that’s strong.
Todd Rundgren, “Something, Anything”.
Introduced to me by a fellow facebooker when I was around 13, thanks Tina, this record has been a part of every single faze of my life since. Remarkably soothing, trashy and humorous all at the same time. Todd’s truly the wizard of the studio and this is what started it all for me when it comes to really paying attention to who and what was involved in the music I listen to.
Peter Frampton, “Frampton Comes Alive”
Yeah, I know, we all got so sick of this thing that many can’t even imagine putting it on a list like this. Think about it though. Think about when you first heard it back in ’76. It really was a great album; we can’t help what we all did with it afterwards.
The Beatles, “Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band”
Lose the song “Within You Without You” and you have what could be the perfect album. Nuff said.
Aerosmith, “Get Your Wings”
The band’s second album, and at least to me, their best. This is a great rock n roll record. An outstanding version of “Train Kept A Rolling” along with “Woman Of The World”, and “Same Old Song And Dance” are just three of the songs on this that still hold up after all these years.
Pablo Cruise, “Worlds Away”
I can almost promise you that I’m one of the only folks around that feels this album belongs on such a list but I really do. I can put this in the player and just totally relax. There truly isn’t one bad song on the record.
Alice Cooper, “Billion Dollar Babies”
The first record I ever bought with my own money. It’ll always hold a special place in my heart.
Barenaked Ladies, “Disc One, All Their Greatest Hits”
Probably my favorite record ever. I just think these guys are the best.
The Tubes, “Love Bomb”
For 99% of you out there this is probably the greatest record you’ve never heard of. Side two is simply a masterpiece. For a band to put “Wooly Booly” and “Theme From A Summer Place” into one tune, well, you’ve just got to hear it.
Pink Floyd, “Dark Side Of The Moon”
Not sure how this one wouldn’t be on everyone’s list. Great music, great lyrics and outstanding sound, this here’s a great one by any standards.
The Beatles, “Meet The Beatles”.
Whether you’re a fan or not, this album changed the world. Yes, the songs are simple and the lyrics are pretty basic but nothing like it had ever been heard on these shores before. Just look at what it spawned, just everything you’ve listened to since.
The Who, “Who’s Next”
If you’re within 10 years of my age, there isn’t one song on this album that you don’t know. That’s pretty amazing when you think about it.
Elton John, “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
Elton was The Beatles of the 70’s and this is the album that shot him into the stars. There are a number of other albums of his that I think are better, but most of us would have never even thought of listening to them had it not been for this disc.
Squeeze, “East Side Story”
I’m a huge pop music fan and these guys were masters of it. The song “Tempted” was the only semi-hit on the album but I can listen to this one from beginning to end on a weekly basis and not get tired of it. If you can find the song “Labelled With Love” give it a listen. Elvis Costello produced and sang backing vocals on a number of the songs.
Bruce Springsteen, “Born To Run”
If you haven’t felt the power of this one, well, you just haven’t been listening. From the opening notes of “Thunder Road” to the close of “Jungle Land” this record just plain smokes. I still get chills every time I hear the title song. “I wanna die with you Wendy on the streets tonight in an everlasting kiss”. Man that’s strong.
Todd Rundgren, “Something, Anything”.
Introduced to me by a fellow facebooker when I was around 13, thanks Tina, this record has been a part of every single faze of my life since. Remarkably soothing, trashy and humorous all at the same time. Todd’s truly the wizard of the studio and this is what started it all for me when it comes to really paying attention to who and what was involved in the music I listen to.
Peter Frampton, “Frampton Comes Alive”
Yeah, I know, we all got so sick of this thing that many can’t even imagine putting it on a list like this. Think about it though. Think about when you first heard it back in ’76. It really was a great album; we can’t help what we all did with it afterwards.
The Beatles, “Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band”
Lose the song “Within You Without You” and you have what could be the perfect album. Nuff said.
Aerosmith, “Get Your Wings”
The band’s second album, and at least to me, their best. This is a great rock n roll record. An outstanding version of “Train Kept A Rolling” along with “Woman Of The World”, and “Same Old Song And Dance” are just three of the songs on this that still hold up after all these years.
Pablo Cruise, “Worlds Away”
I can almost promise you that I’m one of the only folks around that feels this album belongs on such a list but I really do. I can put this in the player and just totally relax. There truly isn’t one bad song on the record.
Alice Cooper, “Billion Dollar Babies”
The first record I ever bought with my own money. It’ll always hold a special place in my heart.
Barenaked Ladies, “Disc One, All Their Greatest Hits”
Probably my favorite record ever. I just think these guys are the best.
The Tubes, “Love Bomb”
For 99% of you out there this is probably the greatest record you’ve never heard of. Side two is simply a masterpiece. For a band to put “Wooly Booly” and “Theme From A Summer Place” into one tune, well, you’ve just got to hear it.
Pink Floyd, “Dark Side Of The Moon”
Not sure how this one wouldn’t be on everyone’s list. Great music, great lyrics and outstanding sound, this here’s a great one by any standards.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
A Rather Confused Post
So Steve called last night and gave me the news that we’ve all been hoping for. He was told that he was definitely a candidate for a transplant and it could be at any time. He was told to be ready as they could call today, tomorrow or in a month or six months. They just don’t know. I was making dinner when he called and was really excited, as was he, about the news. He sounded so up. It was refreshing to hear his voice in that way.
I went to the computer and changed my status on my Facebook page to let friends in on the good news and as I was typing it up I started to lose my composure and started crying. It was just a short outburst but it brought the whole enormity of the situation right into my face again. Incredibly uncomfortable. I know that there’s nothing wrong with the reaction I had and it’s to be expected in times like these but it brings so many thoughts into my head about what’s going on that it’s sometimes hard to deal with.
I’m not sure if worried is the right word to describe what I’m feeling. It’s all just so real, so intense, so damn ridiculous. I’ve sort of been able to push the thoughts to the back of my mind lately and though this is great news, it brings it all right back to where it started. It’s really conflicting. I mean, I want this transplant to happen, it’s the best possible scenario. On the other hand, obviously, I wish it never even had to be an option. Sounds rather childish and immature but that’s what’s happening upstairs.
I’ve always had a problem understanding how things like life work. I’m not a man of faith by any definition so looking to a God like figure for answers has never even crossed my mind. Boy, that sounds much colder than I mean it too. Anyway, my problem here is how something like this happens to a guy like Steve. I mean, here’s a guy that loves life and truly has tried to live it to the fullest. He’s always made sure that he tried everything at least once. Me, on the other hand, have never really cared about life. I really hope I can explain this well. I don’t want anyone to think I’m about to jump off a cliff or anything but, I have never really worried about whether or not my life was going to end at any time soon. Never been one to make sure I do this or that before I die. I know, that’s what depression does to someone and I totally understand that.
That still doesn’t change the fact that I would gladly give my life for Steve’s in a heartbeat. I would also do it for anyone that enjoyed life as much as he does. Man, this isn’t making the sense I want it too. It’s why I was so willing to be a donor if needed. The thought that I could possibly die from the surgery never crossed my mind. Not because I’m some sort of hero, but because I just don’t worry about it. Anyway, I see that I’m having a real hard time explaining what I really mean here so I’ll end this. Please know that I’m very happy that Steve got the news he did and I hope more than anything that everything works out in the best possible way. I’m still just as confused by it all as I was on the day we all found out he was ill.
I went to the computer and changed my status on my Facebook page to let friends in on the good news and as I was typing it up I started to lose my composure and started crying. It was just a short outburst but it brought the whole enormity of the situation right into my face again. Incredibly uncomfortable. I know that there’s nothing wrong with the reaction I had and it’s to be expected in times like these but it brings so many thoughts into my head about what’s going on that it’s sometimes hard to deal with.
I’m not sure if worried is the right word to describe what I’m feeling. It’s all just so real, so intense, so damn ridiculous. I’ve sort of been able to push the thoughts to the back of my mind lately and though this is great news, it brings it all right back to where it started. It’s really conflicting. I mean, I want this transplant to happen, it’s the best possible scenario. On the other hand, obviously, I wish it never even had to be an option. Sounds rather childish and immature but that’s what’s happening upstairs.
I’ve always had a problem understanding how things like life work. I’m not a man of faith by any definition so looking to a God like figure for answers has never even crossed my mind. Boy, that sounds much colder than I mean it too. Anyway, my problem here is how something like this happens to a guy like Steve. I mean, here’s a guy that loves life and truly has tried to live it to the fullest. He’s always made sure that he tried everything at least once. Me, on the other hand, have never really cared about life. I really hope I can explain this well. I don’t want anyone to think I’m about to jump off a cliff or anything but, I have never really worried about whether or not my life was going to end at any time soon. Never been one to make sure I do this or that before I die. I know, that’s what depression does to someone and I totally understand that.
That still doesn’t change the fact that I would gladly give my life for Steve’s in a heartbeat. I would also do it for anyone that enjoyed life as much as he does. Man, this isn’t making the sense I want it too. It’s why I was so willing to be a donor if needed. The thought that I could possibly die from the surgery never crossed my mind. Not because I’m some sort of hero, but because I just don’t worry about it. Anyway, I see that I’m having a real hard time explaining what I really mean here so I’ll end this. Please know that I’m very happy that Steve got the news he did and I hope more than anything that everything works out in the best possible way. I’m still just as confused by it all as I was on the day we all found out he was ill.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
What Is Love?
“What is love, anyway?
Does anybody
love anybody anyway?
I’ve recently been talking to a few people, two on Facebook and two others on the phone about my feelings on love. What it is, is it worthwhile and is it real? I know I’m quite naïve on the subject, simply out of lack of experience, but I find it surprising how many people are either down on the subject or take the emotion for granted. Well, today’s lesson kids, is all about the power of love and the need to constantly search for it. I believe, not only in love itself, but that the quest for it is essential for us to survive.
I’ve spoken on numerous occasions about my lack of success in the love department. I’m quite reluctant when it comes to pulling the trigger when it comes to any possibilities of it but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish for it to occur every single day. I believe, in my heart of hearts, that no matter what anyone says, everybody else is looking for it too.
It is, as John Lennon stated so eloquently, all you need. The true Holy Grail. Once it’s found, in it’s truest form; it has the power to soothe the most savage of beasts. Now that I’ve thrown out the obligatory clichés, allow me the opportunity to give you a few examples of love in this purest form that I’m talking about.
There is, of course, the obvious. A newborn baby being held by his mother. I know a number of you out there are mothers and I want you to think of that moment. That moment when you first looked into your baby’s eyes. I want you to remember that warmth that started in your chest and spread like wildfire throughout the rest of your body. I want you to remember how your eyes filled with tears, and I want you to remember how you felt like you were experiencing an out of body experience. That kids, is true love.
Along the same lines is the love we’ve all seen of a little girl and her daddy. I have experienced this type on numerous occasions. Two quick examples are of Maegan when she was a baby. The excitement she showed when I would come home from work sent shivers down my spine. I use that memory quite often when I’m down and still feel that tingle throughout my body.
The other is when Amanda, my oldest, told me at her wedding that little girls always look for their fathers’ to marry. She then looked at her new husband, then me, and nodded. I got chills writing about it right now.
There is also the love that I’ve written about recently that I’ve personally experienced right here on this computer. It’s the love of friends. It’s the love I’ve felt since reconnecting with so many people that have shown such a warmth towards me and others that you can’t help but feel it.
Then we have the love between two people that seems so hard to attain. Don’t misunderstand me here. I know there are many out there that are happily married and have been in love for years and years, that’s wonderful and I congratulate you. I wish for you the kind of love that makes you want to wake up each morning. That’s the kind of love that I’m really trying to talk about.
See, I really believe that the kind of love that two people can share can be the most incredible thing known to man. It can give one strength they’ve never thought possible. How would I know? Well, I don’t, but like I said, I do believe this to be true.
I know for a fact that most wish for that kind of love. Just go to any movie theater and see any kind of love story. When it’s over, and I don’t think it matters what sex you are, when the two people that you’ve watch struggle through the whole movie finally get together, you feel it. You feel that warmth. You feel happy for the two of them. You also feel a bit jealous and I think we all know why. We feel like that because they found it. They found what we’ve all been looking for and know is almost unobtainable.
I know I’m gonna catch all kinds of crap from all sorts of people about how naïve I am in feeling the way I do about this but I’m willing to take the heat. I’ve mentioned to a number of people that one of my all time favorite movies is, “Love Actually”. Yeah, I know, chick flick. Be that as it may, I love it. Anyway, at the beginning of the movie is a scene at Heathrow Airport and the voice over is talking about how you can see love in all its dimensions at the arrival gate. Just to show you all how far ahead of my time I am, when I was a kid I started going to airports when feeling like I could use the sight of happiness and love. Still do it to this day.
Try it next time you’re there. Just watch people when they see each other after a trip of some sort. If you look close enough you’ll see it. Not often, but it’s there. You’ll see that one couple that has that spark. You’ll see the look in their eyes and the glee in their hearts and you’ll feel it. And you’ll say, “know what? Kevin was right”. I’m telling ya kids, it’s the Holy Grail and who doesn’t want to drink from that cup?
Does anybody
love anybody anyway?
I’ve recently been talking to a few people, two on Facebook and two others on the phone about my feelings on love. What it is, is it worthwhile and is it real? I know I’m quite naïve on the subject, simply out of lack of experience, but I find it surprising how many people are either down on the subject or take the emotion for granted. Well, today’s lesson kids, is all about the power of love and the need to constantly search for it. I believe, not only in love itself, but that the quest for it is essential for us to survive.
I’ve spoken on numerous occasions about my lack of success in the love department. I’m quite reluctant when it comes to pulling the trigger when it comes to any possibilities of it but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish for it to occur every single day. I believe, in my heart of hearts, that no matter what anyone says, everybody else is looking for it too.
It is, as John Lennon stated so eloquently, all you need. The true Holy Grail. Once it’s found, in it’s truest form; it has the power to soothe the most savage of beasts. Now that I’ve thrown out the obligatory clichés, allow me the opportunity to give you a few examples of love in this purest form that I’m talking about.
There is, of course, the obvious. A newborn baby being held by his mother. I know a number of you out there are mothers and I want you to think of that moment. That moment when you first looked into your baby’s eyes. I want you to remember that warmth that started in your chest and spread like wildfire throughout the rest of your body. I want you to remember how your eyes filled with tears, and I want you to remember how you felt like you were experiencing an out of body experience. That kids, is true love.
Along the same lines is the love we’ve all seen of a little girl and her daddy. I have experienced this type on numerous occasions. Two quick examples are of Maegan when she was a baby. The excitement she showed when I would come home from work sent shivers down my spine. I use that memory quite often when I’m down and still feel that tingle throughout my body.
The other is when Amanda, my oldest, told me at her wedding that little girls always look for their fathers’ to marry. She then looked at her new husband, then me, and nodded. I got chills writing about it right now.
There is also the love that I’ve written about recently that I’ve personally experienced right here on this computer. It’s the love of friends. It’s the love I’ve felt since reconnecting with so many people that have shown such a warmth towards me and others that you can’t help but feel it.
Then we have the love between two people that seems so hard to attain. Don’t misunderstand me here. I know there are many out there that are happily married and have been in love for years and years, that’s wonderful and I congratulate you. I wish for you the kind of love that makes you want to wake up each morning. That’s the kind of love that I’m really trying to talk about.
See, I really believe that the kind of love that two people can share can be the most incredible thing known to man. It can give one strength they’ve never thought possible. How would I know? Well, I don’t, but like I said, I do believe this to be true.
I know for a fact that most wish for that kind of love. Just go to any movie theater and see any kind of love story. When it’s over, and I don’t think it matters what sex you are, when the two people that you’ve watch struggle through the whole movie finally get together, you feel it. You feel that warmth. You feel happy for the two of them. You also feel a bit jealous and I think we all know why. We feel like that because they found it. They found what we’ve all been looking for and know is almost unobtainable.
I know I’m gonna catch all kinds of crap from all sorts of people about how naïve I am in feeling the way I do about this but I’m willing to take the heat. I’ve mentioned to a number of people that one of my all time favorite movies is, “Love Actually”. Yeah, I know, chick flick. Be that as it may, I love it. Anyway, at the beginning of the movie is a scene at Heathrow Airport and the voice over is talking about how you can see love in all its dimensions at the arrival gate. Just to show you all how far ahead of my time I am, when I was a kid I started going to airports when feeling like I could use the sight of happiness and love. Still do it to this day.
Try it next time you’re there. Just watch people when they see each other after a trip of some sort. If you look close enough you’ll see it. Not often, but it’s there. You’ll see that one couple that has that spark. You’ll see the look in their eyes and the glee in their hearts and you’ll feel it. And you’ll say, “know what? Kevin was right”. I’m telling ya kids, it’s the Holy Grail and who doesn’t want to drink from that cup?
Sunday, January 25, 2009
An Open Letter To My New/Old Friends
“I’ve wondered much further
today than I should,
and I can’t seem to find my way
back to the wood”;
This is going to sound so much stranger than I want it to but I just want to thank you guys. I need to thank you for so much more than you’d ever believe or understand.
I know I’ve written on a few occasions about how cool it has been finding you all and how appreciative I am for getting to know you all again. I really want to try to explain why it means so much to me. Please understand, I’m in no danger of hurting myself or anything like that. I may be crazy but I’m not stupid.
Some of you know me well enough to know that depression has been a companion of mine for as long as one can remember. I’ve been through therapy on numerous occasions and have taken anti depressants at different points in my life. Nothing ever really helped to ease the sad thoughts in my head. It’s something I’ve learned to live with and have sort of come to terms with the whole concept. That being said, I’ve still had to go on with my life.
Until the last few years I’ve pretty much sheltered myself away from anything that could be considered “putting myself out there”. Except for a very few people in my life, I’ve always been afraid of talking to people in more than a business setting where one might discover the “real” me. Whether the “real” me is something to be ashamed of had and still has nothing to do with it. I didn’t, and still on most days, don’t like him.
I started writing this blog in June of 2006. At first it was just something for me to spew out my thoughts on politics, religion and other items that raised my ire. For some reason I started writing about me and who and what I’m about. I turned it into a journal and put stuff on it that people would normally never put out for public perusal. I found a release in writing that I’ve never felt before. I’ve spent the last two and a half years on this blog trying to “find” myself per se’. You know, who and what I’m about. Kind of like peeling the onion that we’ve all heard of in our psych classes. I’d like to think it’s helped but who knows? It is what it is and one must go on.
I woke this morning on my birthday and found so many birthday greetings from you guys on my computer you’d think I was famous. I know I shouldn’t make such a big deal out of it but I can’t help it. I went to lunch with a friend I’ve recently become reacquainted with and then spent the evening having dinner and seeing a show with a group of people that six months ago, most were just a blip in my memory and I on theirs. I had what probably is the most wonderful birthday I’ve ever had and it’s all because of you.
I find myself, again because of you guys, putting myself out there more than I have since school. I’m stretching and growing in ways that I had forgotten were possible and once again, it’s you guys that are responsible for it. I can’t imagine just staying home when I’ve got two days off in a row anymore. It’s easily the last resort now that you’ve all re-entered my life and I can’t thank you enough for it.
At the top of the post are some words from the Kenny Loggins song “House On Pooh Corner”. It’s the song that played first when you came to read this piece. Anyway, that verse says a lot about what I’m talking about. I’ve always been so afraid of wandering too far from home. With all of you, I’ve found it so much easier to find my way back to the wood and each of you could live to be 1,000 years old and still never really understand how much that means to me.
today than I should,
and I can’t seem to find my way
back to the wood”;
This is going to sound so much stranger than I want it to but I just want to thank you guys. I need to thank you for so much more than you’d ever believe or understand.
I know I’ve written on a few occasions about how cool it has been finding you all and how appreciative I am for getting to know you all again. I really want to try to explain why it means so much to me. Please understand, I’m in no danger of hurting myself or anything like that. I may be crazy but I’m not stupid.
Some of you know me well enough to know that depression has been a companion of mine for as long as one can remember. I’ve been through therapy on numerous occasions and have taken anti depressants at different points in my life. Nothing ever really helped to ease the sad thoughts in my head. It’s something I’ve learned to live with and have sort of come to terms with the whole concept. That being said, I’ve still had to go on with my life.
Until the last few years I’ve pretty much sheltered myself away from anything that could be considered “putting myself out there”. Except for a very few people in my life, I’ve always been afraid of talking to people in more than a business setting where one might discover the “real” me. Whether the “real” me is something to be ashamed of had and still has nothing to do with it. I didn’t, and still on most days, don’t like him.
I started writing this blog in June of 2006. At first it was just something for me to spew out my thoughts on politics, religion and other items that raised my ire. For some reason I started writing about me and who and what I’m about. I turned it into a journal and put stuff on it that people would normally never put out for public perusal. I found a release in writing that I’ve never felt before. I’ve spent the last two and a half years on this blog trying to “find” myself per se’. You know, who and what I’m about. Kind of like peeling the onion that we’ve all heard of in our psych classes. I’d like to think it’s helped but who knows? It is what it is and one must go on.
I woke this morning on my birthday and found so many birthday greetings from you guys on my computer you’d think I was famous. I know I shouldn’t make such a big deal out of it but I can’t help it. I went to lunch with a friend I’ve recently become reacquainted with and then spent the evening having dinner and seeing a show with a group of people that six months ago, most were just a blip in my memory and I on theirs. I had what probably is the most wonderful birthday I’ve ever had and it’s all because of you.
I find myself, again because of you guys, putting myself out there more than I have since school. I’m stretching and growing in ways that I had forgotten were possible and once again, it’s you guys that are responsible for it. I can’t imagine just staying home when I’ve got two days off in a row anymore. It’s easily the last resort now that you’ve all re-entered my life and I can’t thank you enough for it.
At the top of the post are some words from the Kenny Loggins song “House On Pooh Corner”. It’s the song that played first when you came to read this piece. Anyway, that verse says a lot about what I’m talking about. I’ve always been so afraid of wandering too far from home. With all of you, I’ve found it so much easier to find my way back to the wood and each of you could live to be 1,000 years old and still never really understand how much that means to me.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Oh Those Friends Of Mine
Well, here’s another post about the things I’m finding on Facebook. Com. As most of you know the site gives one the opportunity to connect with people, friends, relatives and others you may know or even never have heard of. I looked at my “friends” list and see that I now have 101 friends.
How is that even possible? I’m looking at the list and notice family members first. Both my sister and sister in law, Steve’s wife, are on the list. Steve’s daughter and his two-step sons are there too. There is a first cousin and his wife out in California that have entered my circle and one old friend of my sister’s who has known me since I was around eight or nine years old. She moved to Oak Park with us and graduated from OPHS with my sister.
There are a few friends in Florida, one that has since moved to Pennsylvania, one that I met because she shopped in my store down there, a friend of hers that I met on one of my trips down there since I’ve moved and one that I’ve never met. There’s also a guy that I grew up with in Trenton and a couple others that I knew from Oak Park.
Then there’s a group of folks that I really didn’t hang out with in school but either were friends with my brother David, Steve or just acquaintances from school. There are also a few that live here in the Lansing area that I’ve gotten to know since moving back to the state. There are three women, all sisters, that I met during a very trying time for them and the rest are actually people that I have had interactions with in my youth. Ya know, friends.
I’ve got two “friends” in Australia, one that used to live in Oak Park and was friends with Steve and one that knows me through this blog. I’ve got another that lives in Barcelona. I met and became friends with her in San Diego back in the early 80’s.
I’m looking at this list and it’s pretty remarkable. I think there’s only two or three of these folks that I do not recall having ever met. I didn’t think I knew 100 people let alone had conversations with them on a personal level. The folks on Facebook aren’t the only friends I know either. I’ve got friends that haven’t signed up, folks that I see on a regular basis, people out in California and friends in Florida. It would seem that I’m quite the popular guy. Pretty cool huh?
How is that even possible? I’m looking at the list and notice family members first. Both my sister and sister in law, Steve’s wife, are on the list. Steve’s daughter and his two-step sons are there too. There is a first cousin and his wife out in California that have entered my circle and one old friend of my sister’s who has known me since I was around eight or nine years old. She moved to Oak Park with us and graduated from OPHS with my sister.
There are a few friends in Florida, one that has since moved to Pennsylvania, one that I met because she shopped in my store down there, a friend of hers that I met on one of my trips down there since I’ve moved and one that I’ve never met. There’s also a guy that I grew up with in Trenton and a couple others that I knew from Oak Park.
Then there’s a group of folks that I really didn’t hang out with in school but either were friends with my brother David, Steve or just acquaintances from school. There are also a few that live here in the Lansing area that I’ve gotten to know since moving back to the state. There are three women, all sisters, that I met during a very trying time for them and the rest are actually people that I have had interactions with in my youth. Ya know, friends.
I’ve got two “friends” in Australia, one that used to live in Oak Park and was friends with Steve and one that knows me through this blog. I’ve got another that lives in Barcelona. I met and became friends with her in San Diego back in the early 80’s.
I’m looking at this list and it’s pretty remarkable. I think there’s only two or three of these folks that I do not recall having ever met. I didn’t think I knew 100 people let alone had conversations with them on a personal level. The folks on Facebook aren’t the only friends I know either. I’ve got friends that haven’t signed up, folks that I see on a regular basis, people out in California and friends in Florida. It would seem that I’m quite the popular guy. Pretty cool huh?
Monday, January 19, 2009
Happy Anniversary
I should probably be a great deal more depressed than I am right now. Today would have been my 19’Th wedding anniversary. Don’t get me wrong; I most certainly have had a number of different things running around upstairs today, some good, some not so good. This is the third January 19’Th that has passed since Shelly and I split and this one, more than the others, has monopolized my mind all day.
I think Shelly and I kind of knew that the marriage wouldn’t last pretty soon after we got hitched. Nothing horrible happened, I was just very inexperienced in the ways of relationships. I was 29 at the time and Shelly was my first real girlfriend. We dated for around a year and got married in Vegas. Don’t put too much thought into the Vegas thing, we were planning a wedding and realized how much money and hassle it was going to be so we just opted for the easier way. I don’t think either of us regret that.
Shelly had two kids from a previous marriage and we both commented on how easily I adapted to the life change. It didn’t take long before I stopped considering Amanda and Blake stepchildren and called them my own. I know that they both consider me their father and have never made me feel anything less than the real thing. I’ve written before about my walking Amanda down the “aisle” at her wedding. There was never any doubt that that was my job as her Dad.
We had Maegan in August of ’90 and we both really enjoyed that. Shelly had experience with babies and I didn’t but she let me pretty much do whatever I wanted with her. Maegan and I went everywhere together. I even used her as a prop in a speech I had to give at school. It was a speech that had me showing how to do something. I chose to show how to change a diaper. It was pretty cool.
Time passed, our careers went along their ways and life just went on. We really enjoyed each other’s company. We were really great friends. When it came to being a husband however, well, let’s just say I was a great friend. We rarely fought, and when we did I’d usually just let it go and let her have her way per se’. We didn’t really go out much; I was even more uncomfortable then than I am now when it comes to socializing. We did though enjoy each other’s company.
I think we both got real comfortable for a while and before we knew it we had 15 years under our belts and neither of us were very happy with our lots. There was a long period of time there when outsiders thought we were the perfect couple. The kids’ friends always considered us the cool parents and everybody except the two of us thought we’d had the perfect life going on. Well, we didn’t. It happens.
I’m not upset that we were married; I’m not depressed because we got divorced. I miss the friendship we had. We rarely speak anymore. We don’t hate each other. We just have different lives. Shelly was the best friend I ever had and I’ll treasure that for the rest of my life. We tried to stay close after the breakup but it just didn’t work for me and I’m gonna try to put the reason in words.
See, when you’re married or in a relationship for as long as we were you get to know each other remarkably well. You know each other’s quirks, habits and most importantly, at least to me, you know each other’s secrets. Shelly knew me better than anyone ever has. And there, my friends, lays the problem.
It’s a problem because when one gets into a new relationship those secrets, once held so tightly, are now secondary to the new relationship. When something comes up, our relationship would now be used as an example of whatever is going on. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s probably pretty normal. I’m just not the kind of guy who can deal too well with that. I’m not saying that Shelly sits there and tells her date all about me. I know she doesn’t. It’s just that the things I thought were just between us are now secondary to the new relationship. Again, I’m not saying that’s wrong, it’s just the way it is.
Like I said earlier we don’t really talk anymore. She called when she heard Steve was sick and I wouldn’t have expected anything less. I still consider her part of my family, a bit estranged, but still part of my family. I know that she would be here in a heartbeat if something happened to me and I hope she knows the same is true for me. I talk to her mother on a regular basis and still call her my mother in law. I still think of her sister as my sister in law and so on and so on. The bottom line is that I’ve lost a really good friend and today is the anniversary of that really good friendship’s beginning. That’s the kind of stuff that’s going through my head today.
I think Shelly and I kind of knew that the marriage wouldn’t last pretty soon after we got hitched. Nothing horrible happened, I was just very inexperienced in the ways of relationships. I was 29 at the time and Shelly was my first real girlfriend. We dated for around a year and got married in Vegas. Don’t put too much thought into the Vegas thing, we were planning a wedding and realized how much money and hassle it was going to be so we just opted for the easier way. I don’t think either of us regret that.
Shelly had two kids from a previous marriage and we both commented on how easily I adapted to the life change. It didn’t take long before I stopped considering Amanda and Blake stepchildren and called them my own. I know that they both consider me their father and have never made me feel anything less than the real thing. I’ve written before about my walking Amanda down the “aisle” at her wedding. There was never any doubt that that was my job as her Dad.
We had Maegan in August of ’90 and we both really enjoyed that. Shelly had experience with babies and I didn’t but she let me pretty much do whatever I wanted with her. Maegan and I went everywhere together. I even used her as a prop in a speech I had to give at school. It was a speech that had me showing how to do something. I chose to show how to change a diaper. It was pretty cool.
Time passed, our careers went along their ways and life just went on. We really enjoyed each other’s company. We were really great friends. When it came to being a husband however, well, let’s just say I was a great friend. We rarely fought, and when we did I’d usually just let it go and let her have her way per se’. We didn’t really go out much; I was even more uncomfortable then than I am now when it comes to socializing. We did though enjoy each other’s company.
I think we both got real comfortable for a while and before we knew it we had 15 years under our belts and neither of us were very happy with our lots. There was a long period of time there when outsiders thought we were the perfect couple. The kids’ friends always considered us the cool parents and everybody except the two of us thought we’d had the perfect life going on. Well, we didn’t. It happens.
I’m not upset that we were married; I’m not depressed because we got divorced. I miss the friendship we had. We rarely speak anymore. We don’t hate each other. We just have different lives. Shelly was the best friend I ever had and I’ll treasure that for the rest of my life. We tried to stay close after the breakup but it just didn’t work for me and I’m gonna try to put the reason in words.
See, when you’re married or in a relationship for as long as we were you get to know each other remarkably well. You know each other’s quirks, habits and most importantly, at least to me, you know each other’s secrets. Shelly knew me better than anyone ever has. And there, my friends, lays the problem.
It’s a problem because when one gets into a new relationship those secrets, once held so tightly, are now secondary to the new relationship. When something comes up, our relationship would now be used as an example of whatever is going on. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s probably pretty normal. I’m just not the kind of guy who can deal too well with that. I’m not saying that Shelly sits there and tells her date all about me. I know she doesn’t. It’s just that the things I thought were just between us are now secondary to the new relationship. Again, I’m not saying that’s wrong, it’s just the way it is.
Like I said earlier we don’t really talk anymore. She called when she heard Steve was sick and I wouldn’t have expected anything less. I still consider her part of my family, a bit estranged, but still part of my family. I know that she would be here in a heartbeat if something happened to me and I hope she knows the same is true for me. I talk to her mother on a regular basis and still call her my mother in law. I still think of her sister as my sister in law and so on and so on. The bottom line is that I’ve lost a really good friend and today is the anniversary of that really good friendship’s beginning. That’s the kind of stuff that’s going through my head today.
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